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The word recycler

Photo by sillygwailo / by NCND 2.0 CC

“Sweeeeet!” I said, and before I’d struck the final syllable I thought, Dear Lord, when did the word “sweet” enter my vocabulary? Then I remembered how fat I’ve been for most of my life and realized the word “sweet” probably entered my vocabulary before I was tall enough to grab ice cream out of the freezer. But I was not using the word to describe the taste of cupcakes or the unexpected kindness of a friend. No, I was stretching out the “ee” in the middle as if my lower jaw were arthritic and needed extra time to swoop in to make the sound. I was using the word as if it were substitution for “Narly!” or “Rad!” or some other slang from a subculture I do not belong to. I began using it sometime in the past few months, and every time I do I feel as though my mouth as been possessed by a ventriloquist.

I know many books and doctoral dissertations have been written about the […]

Slow blogging

Photo by nolarisingproject / by NCND 2.0 CC

I haven’t posted a new entry for over a week now, which might be a record for me. There were moments in the past week when I thought, “I should post something. People will wonder if that IKEA bookcase I assembled fell over and crushed me dead.” But then my next thought was, “What should I write about?” and the honest answer was, “I don’t have anything I care enough to write about right now.” Sure, I’ve got dozens of little notes saved for post ideas, many of which are worth writing about eventually. But during each moment I thought about posting last week, nothing seemed so immediately important that I had to write a blog entry about it RIGHT NOW.

Certainly, there is something to be said for writing when you don’t feel like it. If you want to be a professional writer, you’ll spend plenty of time writing when you don’t want to. That’s why it’s a job, because it’s actual work. However, I feel that bloggers […]

CHOCOLATE AND VICODIN update: How’s that book going?

Parents tend to take more photos of their first-born child than their second-born child, not because they love them less, but because the novelty of parenthood starts to wear off. How many photos do you really need of Jimmy’s first time in the wading pool? Similarly, now that I’ve written and released a book and I’m working on another one, I don’t feel as compelled to document the process as I was the first time. Then someone asks me how that whole book thing is going and when does it come out and will I be going on a book tour? Then I remember, oh yeah, this whole process can be rather fascinating if you’re on the outside of it, so maybe I should update people about it.

So, Jennette, how is that book going?

The book exists…as a Word file!

It’s currently a 262K word file, which seems ridiculously small since I’ve worked on it intermittently for almost two years now. I finished a draft at the beginning of the year and I’m currently working on revisions […]

Two weeks of bossing myself around

I set my alarm clock for 8:30am, but I’m usually awake before then. Nature’s alarm clock goes off first when sunlight streams through the Venetian blinds on the eastern wall of my bedroom. Then I’m up and the cats are skittering about my feet, mewing as I walk to the kitchen and fill their bowls with food. I fill my own human bowl with oatmeal, precisely measured out like the kibble at my feet. Then Mr. Coffee starts brewing some Folgers Classic Roast for me as I eat my breakfast and perhaps catch a clip of Good Morning America. With coffee cup in hand I head to my office, closing the door to keep kitties out. Then I open the curtains and read my emails, sometimes in my pajamas.

After the emails are sorted, I go put on pants and get my second cup of coffee. Next up I tend to any estimates that need estimating. This requires lots of thinking and analyzing and spreadsheeting. I break down the project into the different parts, estimating how […]

Coming to bookstores (in 2010?) – Chocolate and Vicodin: And Other Failed Cures for the Headache that Wouldn’t Go Away

The first person I told about the book deal was the HR lady. It was during my exit interview.

“So, why are you leaving us?” she asked.

“Well, I just got an offer on my book proposal!” This was also the point at which I expected to ride home on a unicorn via a rainbow, because that is another thing that only happens in dreams. I was probably the happiest exit interview the HR lady ever had the pleasure of conducting. I smiled and laughed and bounced around happily in my seat before dancing back down to my desk to reread the email I had just gotten. Then I told my boss and my coworkers about the offer and they were happy for me, and slightly stunned, but I’m sure the “I’m quitting to pursue writing!” speech I’d given last week suddenly seemed a lot less flimsy.

So yes, I have been all sneaky-like and wrote a book proposal, which I sent to agents, and one of them liked it, so we joined forces and she suggested revisions, […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Lick the Produce: Odd things I've put in my mouth
Half-Marathon: Less fun than it looks
European Vacation

"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein

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