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I believe

I hung something in my bedroom above the treadmill last month, as Krupke has obviously noticed.

Right after I moved into my apartment, I went on a decorating bonanza. I signed up for craft store mailing lists and clipped coupons every week to buy picture frames and fabrics at 40% off to hang on my walls. I pretty-fied two and a half walls of my bedroom before I got bored. (And before I got my credit card bill. All that glitter paint and fabric dye adds up!) So, one and a half walls have been as white as the halls of a mental ward for the past year. I’d considered hanging a picture in front of my treadmill of a road disappearing into the horizon or of the M.C. Escher sketch of monks walking an endless path on top of a tower. But after the Hallmark conference, I was glad I saved my money and hung up this piece of swag instead:

I would never have bought this for myself. If anyone had given this to me […]

Seasons of weight loss

As I was shivering in my short-sleeved hoodie and tank top after the Ani DiFranco concert last week, it occurred to me, “Hey, the seasons are changing, you dumbass. Next time bring a sweatshirt!” My approach to choosing my clothes is to assume that today will be the same temperature as yesterday, which makes no sense because if that were true there would be no seasons. I must think I live on the equator.

The changing seasons mean a lot for my weight loss. I’m going to have to buy a whole new winter wardrobe, again, for the third year in a row. Yeah, this is the part where I send out engraved invitations to my pity party and no one RSVP’s. “Ooooh, that’s so horrible, PastaQueen. You’re so small you have to buy new sweaters. We feel so, so, terrible for you.” I know, it’s a good problem to have, but it’s still a problem. I still mourn the loss of my fuzzy brown extra large sweater. It was so soft and flattering of my […]

Weight: 191 – Pounds left to lose: 31

I little bounce up to 191 this week, but long-time readers will know this is no big deal. If you had a scale that measured finely enough you’d realize that your weight is constantly changing. Your cells are always burning energy, your kidneys filtering out waste, and your body retains different amounts of water on different days. So it’s 191 this week. Who knows what it will be next week?

Also, does anyone know where the treadmill service repair man is? He was supposed to come between 8am-12pm to do the yearly maintenance check on my treadmill. It’s exactly 12:00 as I type this and the only people in my apartment are me, my cat, the spider in the corner, and possibly a critter of some unknown species that I’ve heard crawling in the attic at night. Last night my mother called me to say Sears had called her to confirm the appointment. Considering that she still has the same phone number that we had when we all lived in a house together, I have to […]

Marathon Man

Sometimes I think I’ve become a fitness nut because I never go more than a day without exercising. But then I read about people like this and realize I am only a tiny pistachio in comparison to a Brazil nut. Dean Karnazes recently ran 50 marathons in 50 days in each of the 50 states, and then ran home across the country.

The best part is that on race days he gets to eat about 9000 calories, scarfing down ├ęclairs and scheduling a rendezvous with a pizza delivery man on the race route. If you worked at a pizza place, would you believe that type of order wasn’t a crank call? “Yes, I need an extra-large with the works. Meet me at the corner of 10th and Elm around noonish. I’ll be the sweaty guy in gym shorts blitzing by. Don’t be late!” That sounds about as believable as filling an order for Seymour Butts.

When he gets blisters, he puts superglue on them. My question is, how do you get the superglue off? I’m all for […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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