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Trail mix, North Carolina style

Normally when I take a vacation, I take a vacation from exercising too. I know I’m not supposed to, but eh, I’m on vacation and I’ll do what I want. However, I’m gasping through running the IrishFest 5K on Saturday morning, so taking a week off before the race would be a very bad idea unless I owned an Irish wolfhound to carry me across the finish line. (I don’t.)

I’m visiting my brother and his wife, and their house is near a trail that was built on an old railroad line, much like the Happy Fun & Fitness Trail near my old apartment is. This trail is amazingly similar to my Happy Fun & Fitness Trail, except for the little things that make it seem like a cloning project that went slightly awry. This trail has more curves and moves up and down on the z-axis creating something I’ve heard are called “slopes.” Us Indiana folk are not familiar with these “hill” things. Thus the huffing and puffing increased cardio workout. I nearly stumbled over […]

Running season

Many people have been bemoaning the end of summer, but not I. Summer always feels too hot for me, so I welcome the cool relief of autumn, which is probably why fall is my favorite season. In the past few years, I’ve realized that with fall comes perfect running weather. It’s just chilly enough that I can run in a t-shirt and not become overheated. The sun isn’t beating directly down on me, slowly causing skin cancer. And unlike winter, there is still a fair amount of daylight in the morning and evenings giving me flexibility on when to run.

I like the fitness room in my apartment complex a lot. It’s much nicer than the fitness room at my old apartment, which was located in a carpeted room that looked like it used to be part of the lobby. The new fitness room has mirrors on the walls, more machines, and overhead fans. But whenever I run on the treadmill there I get really hot and sweaty. It’s so much nicer to run outside in […]

I love a parade (not) – Riding the Cultural Trail

I can’t believe it happened again. No, really, I can’t believe it actually happened again.

Dear City of Indianapolis,

Please stop throwing a parade every time I go downtown on the weekend. I’m flattered that you think I’m so awesome that there needs to be a parade every time I grace your metropolis with my presence on the weekends. But next time, I swear I will plow through your bright orange blockades to get into the parking garage.

Thank you,

Jennette Fulda

In June I tried rendezvousing with my mother to visit the tea room when I was detoured by the gay pride parade. Last Saturday, I drove downtown to take part in the Cultural Trail bicycle tour and couldn’t get past the roadblocks for the Circle City Classic parade. How many parades does this city have in a year? And is there a parade warning list I can be put on to warn me the next time a marching band stands between me and the parking garage?

Despite the barriers, I was able to drive downtown, pull my bike out […]

Tales from the trail: Am I hallucinating?

Near the end of my two-mile trail run, a woman in a black sports bra and black gym shorts ran past me. I ran another minute or two. Then a woman in a black sports bra and black gym shorts ran past me. Oh crap, I thought. Running in 86 degree weather and 53% humidity has given me heatstroke and I’m now hallucinating.

Then my brain kicked in and I realized I’d just run past a water fountain, which the woman probably stopped to drink at after she passed me, considering that is was 86 degrees with 53% humidity after all. Heatstroke averted, brain A-OK, if operating at slower levels.

It did make me momentarily wonder if an earlier moment during my run had also been a delusion. I wasn’t a quarter of a mile down the trail when a shirtless, barefoot man wearing nothing but ripped jeans and naked sex appeal walked straight across my path. He had shoulder-length, brown hair and 6-pack abs. I had to look around for video cameras to make sure I […]

Tales of horror from the nature trail

Yesterday morning I ran on the trail for 45 minutes. Forty-four minutes of this time was spent thinking, “Yippee! After today and Saturday, I will never have to run 45 minutes again! Except for that half-marathon thingy, of course, which is two and a half hours long, not 45 minutes, so it doesn’t technically count.”

The other minute of this time was spent thinking, “Holy crap, I just swallowed a bug.”

As I began singing that old kid’s song about a lady who swallowed a fly, I wondered if this meant I would now have to eat a spider to catch the fly, and then a bird to catch the spider, and then a cat and a dog and a goat. I don’t even know where to find a goat in Indiana. And dear Lord, how badly would all this eating wreck my diet?

Luckily, I hadn’t actually swallowed the bug, just caught it in my teeth as I was plodding down the trail panting with my mouth open, so I spit it out into my hand. It […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Lick the Produce: Odd things I've put in my mouth
Half-Marathon: Less fun than it looks
European Vacation

"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein

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