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By the way, I’m alive

Both my mother and my father called me over the past two evenings to check that I was still alive and not crushed under a pile of rubble left in the wake of 25 tornadoes that swept through North Carolina this weekend, the most in 27 years. (I think they followed me here from Indiana. Sorry, everyone!) I found their calls reassuring because as a single woman living alone who works from home I sometimes wonder how long it would take for someone to notice that I was dead if I were to choke on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my living room. I think the answer is less than a week, but by that time any felines in my house would have assured I’d need a closed-casket funeral.

WordPress entries can be scheduled in advance, so my Monday post (which was indeed written and scheduled last week) wasn’t definitive proof that I was still alive, but hopefully this post is. I could take a picture of myself holding today’s paper to visually verify […]

Emergency alert: Someone please explain this to me

Last night I’m watching TV when Chris Wright breaks in to tell me there is a big red blob heading for Indianapolis. (True, he’s no Dallas Raines, but we make due with what he have here in Indiana.) He’s got the Doppler radar. He’s got the tornado warning graphic in the corner. He’s got little yellow boxes outlining the storm systems. He can zoom in and forecast the path of the storm. He can tell you when it will hit every little city, right down to the minute.

Then suddenly this downspout of weather information is interrupted by:

A big black screen with big white text and an awful bleating sound similar to those vuvuzelas at the World Cup. After a pause, a robotic male voice starts to speak with the broadcast clarity of someone talking on a cell phone in a tunnel. I’ve gone from getting the best weather information 2010 can provide to getting the best weather information 1970 can provide. My question: WHY DO THEY DO THIS?

I understand that the […]

Flashlight Pilates

Suddenly the only light in my apartment was the glow of my widescreen monitor and a beeping started counting down the minutes until the battery in my power supply would die out. It was only 10:00pm on a Saturday and I wasn’t ready to go to bed.

“Well then, I guess I have absolutely no reason to do Pilates!” So I did, in the dark, by the light of my Dynamo Radio/flashlight. It was the free gift I got for renewing a credit card membership, which is way cooler than the pedometer I got last year. If the apocalypse ever comes, I won’t have to raid convenience stores for AA batteries to see the demon spawn of hell attacking. I can just hand crank the battery charger myself!

I’d been avoiding working my core that day because my core was sore. I let my exercise routine slip during my book promotions and when I started doing Pilates again last week it hurt to laugh the next day. But I didn’t want to try reading by flashlight, and […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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