I ate Splenda straight out of the bag a couple nights ago. Considering how frequently I ate Tang crystals or hardened rocks of brown sugar as a kid (and an adult), it’s odd that it’s taken me this long to consider eating the artificial sweetener straight up. It wasn’t as good as sugar or Tang. After all, Mary Poppins didn’t sing, “A spoon full of Splenda helps the medicine go down.” However, it had the same texture as cotton candy, which I found to be surprisingly delightful. I’d stick a spoonful in my mouth and as my saliva seeped into the bulked-up mix of strange chemicals, it would collapse into a clumpy, ball of sweetness on my tongue. Why hasn’t anyone ever mentioned that before? Am I the only nut who has eaten the stuff raw? I wonder if Splenda could develop a zero-calorie cotton candy. I’d try that at the State Fair.
I’m not recommending that anyone start eating Splenda by the bagful. Even the sleaziest salesman alive couldn’t argue that it has any nutritional value, and I know a lot of people are squeamish about artificial sweeteners anyway for fear it’ll give them a 6th finger. (But you’d be an awesome piano player!) I only turned to the Splenda because I was stressed out about speaking publicly over the weekend at the Blog Indiana convention (more on that later) and I love to do me some stress eating. However, I started Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet ten days ago and I didn’t want to screw it up with a pint of mint chocolate chip. So, I looked around the kitchen for something to abuse, and a bagful of Splenda it was.
Phase 1 is going pretty well. It’s been easier to stick to then I remember. I believe that any nutritionally sound diet that results in you eating less calories than you burn will work. I just prefer South Beach because it’s my thing and it’s worked for me in the past. I also like that I have to make a big mental shift when I do Phase 1. I have a lot of rules to follow and I know that I’m going to aim for a calorie deficit for the next couple weeks. If I just try to vaguely start eating less or eating “better,” but still in a manner similar to what I do all the time, the mental shift doesn’t happen. I find myself doing a bit of cheating or deciding it’s okay to have a second helping. More than anything, it’s been good to pick a plan with rules and guidelines and stick to it for awhile, or at least until the numbers on the scale are back in a zone where I’d like them.
And it also leads to odd discoveries about Splenda.