Filed Under: office krupke

So, how are the cats getting along?

March 17, 2009 at 8:25 am

I was wondering – and this is REALLY important – how are the cats getting along???? – Rhonda

Well, Rhonda, the cats’ relationship is best explained through this photo story I assembled last night before I realized how long it would take to assemble a photo story.

Cats - a saga

The relationship between Officer Krupke and Java Bean is similar to the one I would have with Rachael Ray during a long car ride. I’d have to be sure to drive very slowly so the cops wouldn’t pull me over and find her body in my trunk. I can’t find any real “faults” with Rachael Ray, but the thought of being locked up with someone that hyper in a small space for a long time makes me vomit-y.

Similarly, Officer Krupke and Java Bean are locked in a one bedroom apartment all day with their irreconcilable differences. Java Bean wants to play every second of every day and Office Krupke wants to nap every second of every day, except for those seconds when he wants to eat. Java Bean is too dense to realize Krupke doesn’t want to play, so he pounces on his prey and chases him until ultimately Krupke is hissing from the high ground of the microwave.

Thankfully, Java Bean is easily distracted by moving objects, so a feather wand or laser pointer can quickly diffuse the situation. But the fundamental personality differences remain. So my dreams of seeing my kitties cuddle up licking each other will never be. However, I love them both too much to give them up, so we just cope as best we can, and I keep their nails trimmed to limit emergency vet visits.

You cannae take my kitteh!

December 3, 2008 at 9:28 am

So, uh, remember that thing I wrote yesterday? About giving my mom my cat? Well, forget that. She came over last night to scuttle him away and suddenly I was like, “YOU CANNAE TAKE MY KITTEH!!” *Hiss, snarl, spit.* What sounded good in theory did not sound nearly as good in reality. It helped that Krupke was on his best behavior, cuddling with me on the couch, and only hissing at Java twice. No neck biting or blood! That’s progress, right? The little booger doesn’t know how close his ass was to leaving.

So, I’m going to read Cat Vs. Cat: Keeping Peace When You Have More Than One Cat and see if I can promote peaceful coexistence, if not a total lovefest. When I adopted Java Bean I had dreams of coming home to find two kitties curled up together in my office chair. And it will remain just that, a dream. However, maybe I can still negotiate a cease fire. We’ll see. And if things spiral downward again, my mom’s house is still available to house refugee kittens.

Gee, Office Krupke…why couldn’t you just chill out?

December 2, 2008 at 7:12 am

Tonight Officer Krupke is going to live with Gramma.

I’ve given it over three months, but Officer Krupke hates Java Bean more than water and dogs and the sound of plastic bags. Several times a day there is hissing and snarling. I pick little globs of hair off the carpet because fur literally flies. There has been blood and scratched noses. Java Bean seems to think it’s fun to chase Krupke and bat at him with his paws. It’s all a game, just like it was when he was growing up with his litter of brothers and sisters.

Krupke was a stray, so I don’t know his background, but I don’t think he was socialized. I don’t think he played with brothers and sisters because Java Bean’s attempts to have fun are appreciated as much as a flea bath. Krupke makes sounds I don’t like to hear outside of a professional wrestling match. Sometimes he wrestles Java Bean to the ground and bites his neck, not in a playful manner, but as if to say, “I will END you.”

I’ve given it time – over three months. I bought expensive cat pheromones that were supposed to make them love each other. I got a book explaining how to introduce cats to one another. But it’s time to admit this is just not working. Krupke is miserable, and I’m sick of the noise and the fear that they’ll harm one another. They fought under my bed last week and literally made it shake. Sometimes they fight on either side of my face as I’m going to sleep. Eventually someone is going to get hurt, and it might be me.

It’s funny that I got Java Bean because I thought Officer Krupke was lonely. I really misread that situation. I also didn’t anticipate that I would like Java Bean so much better. He is cuddly and snuggly and affectionate in ways Krupke never has been. I love my Krupke, but he is a loner and I never realized how unaffectionate he was until a truly loving cat came into my life. It’s like I spent years with a mediocre boyfriend only to have a fabulous man come into my life to make me realize how subpar the first relationship was.

So, Krupke is going to go live with my mother. He knows her and she has a bigger apartment. He will be happier there with more space and no Java Bean swiping at his tail. But really, those are just happy coincidences. I’m letting him go because it’s what’s best for me, and it’s silly to pretend this is not a selfish move. I have essentially replaced my cat. I know that. I know it makes me a sort of bad person. But I’m still doing it. I will miss my baby, but I’ll still get to see him. Hopefully we’ll all be happier for it.

Let this also serve as a warning to you. Everyone told me that the cats would eventually work it out and become friends. Well, that didn’t happen. Sometimes cats just hate each other. If you’re thinking of adding another cat to your household, consider yourself warned.

ETA: The more I think about this, the sadder I get. I’m practically crying at my desk right now. I wish my kitties would just get along.

ETA: Okay, I just cried in the bathroom and now I have red, puffy eyes. Hopefully my coworkers won’t notice…and hopefully they don’t read my blog.

Filed Under: office krupke

As Seen In