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The city I used to live in

I watched a woman pull into the driveway where I had my first car accident which involved a blue Ford van and a sideview mirror. Then she carried groceries into our old kitchen and I looked through the windows to see they’d had new cabinets installed. I wondered who lived in my old bedroom now, and if the BB gun hole was still in the window, shot there by the previous owners’ sons. I bet the woman in the driveway didn’t know they used to grow pot in the basement.

I don’t get down to Louisville that much anymore. Almost all of my high school friends have moved away, just like me. But it is one of the few cities in this country that has my memories seamlessly integrated into its edifices. I can’t drive down a road without triggering a memory. There’s the house where my best friend in 8th grade lived before her family moved somewhere only the army knows where. There’s the music store where I learned to play flute and met the […]

The way things never were

It has been fun looking through old photo albums lately, remembering things the way they never were. Everyone is shiny and new and unbroken. Look, there’s Bob before he succumbed to soul-darkening depression! He looks so happy! And there are my parents, hugging each other in front of the dogwood tree. They’re not divorced after all! Oh, and look how cute and skinny I am at four years old before I ever discovered my compulsive eating problem!

It is kind of sad knowing these people’s futures, almost as sad as looking at what they’re wearing. Wow, a poncho. Really? But it can be happy too. Look, there’s Uncle Terry before he met his wife and made his beautiful babies. He’s got good times to look forward to. And there is Aunt Kelly the day she found out she had uterine cancer. She’ll be happy to find out they get it all during the hysterectomy. I wish I could tell Aunt Karen she will be so much happier after she divorces that man.

So many pictures. So many […]

Through the McDonalds glass

“Would you like a glass for your soda?” my friend Jenny asked after she handed me a can of Sprite Zero. Usually I just drink soda straight from the can, leaving me one less dish to wash and saving me all that time pouring. But when I’m visiting other people I like to pretend I’m not the low-rent individual that I am who has reused the same bowl three times without washing it, so I said yes.

Then she brought out the Charlie Brown glass.

“OMG!” I exclaimed, only I actually said “Oh my God” instead of shouting out the acronym, because even I am not that geeky. “We used to have glasses exactly like this! From McDonalds!”

“We also have a Smurfs glass from Burger King,” she said, showing me her Smurfs glass.

“Oh, we never went to Burger King. We were McDonalds people,” I said as I admired the glass. It was perfectly preserved, as if someone had reached into the china cabinet directly into 1984. Our McDonalds glasses took hundreds of trips through the dishwasher […]

Remember we forget

There have been a couple times in the past year when I have snatched too many bagels from the break room or eaten far too many slices of cake and pie at family gatherings or I’ve eaten a lot on the weekends for no reason at all. Whenever these things have happened, I’ve thought to myself, “Why am I like this now? What happened to the old me who was so good at dieting?”

Then I went back and read some of my blog entries and realized that’s a load of crap.

I’ve always had issues with eating on the weekends. I’ve always eaten too many M&M’s at baby showers. Food has always been an issue for me – when I was fat, when I was losing weight, and now as I am maintaining my loss. Yet, for some reason, I make myself believe that I was more perfect in the past, that I was better back then, when my blog stands as proof otherwise. The human brain is tricky like that, remembering things as we […]

I bet the buffet costs more now

I want some Mr. Gatti’s pizza. Which is odd because I haven’t even thought about Mr. Gatti’s pizza for 10 years and their regular pizza is fairly mediocre. The best reason to go to Mr. Gatti’s was their dessert pizzas – Dutch Apple Treat, Very Cherry Dessert, and Chocolate Crème – mmmm. I can’t recall ever having the Coconut Crème pizza, but after looking at the photo on their website I’d like to rectify that oversight. I could go for some cinnamon sticks too.

Mr. Gatti’s is a southeastern chain of pizza restaurants, so those of you who don’t have a drawl probably haven’t eaten there or even heard of the place. I lived in Louisville, Kentucky during my middle school and high school years. During field trips our school bus would pull up into their parking lot and dump a hundred hungry teenagers into their dining room with the large projection TV screen. We’d line up at the front register and pay our $6.00 for the buffet and then walk past the sneeze guard grabbing […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein

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