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I want to set some cheese on fire!

“Opa!” Our waitress exclaimed and then she lit our cheese on fire.

This was one of two reasons my mother and my brother had decided to go to the Greek restaurant to celebrate his birthday (the other being the rumor of a belly dancer that remained a rumor). We never miss an opportunity to set dairy products ablaze, especially if we’re not the ones risking 3rd degrees burns on our forearms.

After the flames died down in the silver platter of cheese in our waitress’s hand, she set it on the table and placed a basket of bread right under my nose. After she walked away, I picked up the basket and placed it as far away as my unburned forearms would reach.

“No cheese for me,” I said before anyone could ask. I kept my hands folded in my lap, waiting for the salad I had ordered earlier. I stared at the map of Greece on the far wall next to the CD player who’s LCD let me know track number fourteen was playing. The three-tiered […]

Working to stay thin

I think I might have to become a workaholic.

When I’m bored, I eat. It’s my favorite hobby. Sometimes I come home from work and none of the 36 books I’ve checked out from the library look interesting. None of the dozens of TV shows I have to watch look appealing. None of the projects on my “To Do” list look worthy to be crossed off. So I eat. And then I eat some more. And then I finish it off by eating again.

But sometimes at work I’ll get absorbed by a project like water sucked into a sponge. Then I’ll look at my watch and it’s five o’clock and I haven’t eaten my afternoon snack. I have to stick my apple and cheese sticks back in the fridge when I come home. My brain gets so preoccupied that it forgets to tell my stomach to eat. Who hasn’t gotten hungry after watching a burger commercial on television? This is just the inverse. If I forget to think about food I only get hungry when I […]

A round person in the oval office?

I have a lot of reasons to keep the weight off, but thankfully “So I can become president” is not one of them. According to Slate, however, Mike Huckabee should add it to his list. The former governor of Arkansas lost 110 pounds several years ago after living out a fat person’s nightmare: he broke a chair in front of 50 cabinet members. (Thankfully I never broke any furniture when I was fat, but I did break a bed once. It wasn’t entirely my fault though since other people were involved. Once you drag your mind out of the gutter you will be disappointed to learn it was not at an orgy, but at a sleepover in middle school and there was no lesbian experimentation involved.) Huckabee wrote a book called Quit Digging Your Grave with a Knife and Fork: A 12-Stop Program to End Bad Habits and Begin a Healthy Lifestyle which helped launch him into the national spotlight. That’s why Slate thinks his weight is important as he campaigns for the […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Lick the Produce: Odd things I've put in my mouth
Half-Marathon: Less fun than it looks
European Vacation

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