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Weighing on my mind

It’s been almost seven months since I left my last job, so I’m finally going to post a photo I’ve been itching to post for over two years. Here is a peak peek into a corner of the ladies’ room* at my old corporate office place:

Behold, a scale! In the ladies’ room! Not in the ladies’ room of a gym or a health club, in the ladies’ room of a regular corporate workplace. When I saw this standing against the wall on my first day, I was sort of offended. What was this scale meant to imply? I asked the guys in my office if there was a scale in the men’s room and they told me there wasn’t. They also told me about the horrors that could be found in the men’s room, which I will not terrorize you with, but did make me very glad that I had lady parts.

So, why was this rickety old scale placed in the ladies’ room? Did management think their female employees were fat and needed to watch […]

Without a wink or a smile

I have a compulsive smiling problem.

When someone gets on the elevator with me, I smile. When the bagger hands me my groceries, I smile. When someone opens the door for me, I smile. The only time I don’t smile is when someone at the grocery store says, “Hey, why don’t you smile for me?” and I want to stuff arugula down their throat, but that’s a whole ‘nother topic.

I think this is a female thing. I also think it’s a desperate-need-to-please-others-and-be-liked thing, which I am working on getting over. I listened to a RadioLab podcast recently about the nature of laughter which revealed that we often laugh when things are not funny. We laugh as a social function to let people know, “Everything’s ok! We’re all friends here!” I think smiling is the same way. I smile to let people know I am not a threat. Please don’t give me trouble. Smile, smile, smile.

It is hard to stop smiling. I find the corners of my mouth being pulled up by invisible marionette strings. Don’t do […]

You always look stupid to somebody else

I called the maintenance man to fix my kitchen light because it was obviously having wiring problems. I flipped the switch last week, the light flickered and then died. There are two bulbs in the light, so there was no way they would burn out at the same time. The kitchen light fixture is heavy and made of glass. I avoid removing it because one day I’ll try unscrewing it, lose my balance, break my neck and my cats won’t even be able to eat my body for sustenance because I will be surrounded by deadly broken glass.

So, the maintenance man came and checked my breaker box, flipping the switches enough times that I had to reset my stereo clock. Then he got on his ladder, unscrewed the light fixture, replaced my light bulbs and before God could say “Let there be light” the kitchen was bright enough that you could see all the food crumbs on the tile floor.

“Oh, wow, that was embarrassingly easy,” I said feeling dumber than the countertop.

“No problem,” he said, […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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European Vacation

"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein

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