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This is why the trains don’t run on time

Crash dieting is not only bad for your health, it’s bad for the public transit system. Sick subway passengers were the third highest reason for subway disruptions in New York, with fainting dieters who haven’t eaten topping the sick list.

I’ve never fainted in my life. The closest I came was at the veterinarian’s office when I skipped breakfast to make the appointment in time. The room was hot and I felt myself getting dizzy and nauseous, though I was at exactly the wrong kind of doctor’s office to get sick. This is the kind of disaster you are courting when you skip breakfast, collapsing on a tile floor contaminated with doggie drool and parakeet poop. They fed me crackers and a glass of water and gave me a nice neck rub and I felt better. Okay, not the neck rub. But I probably would have sat up and begged for one if offered a good enough treat.

When you watch old TV shows or movies, women are fainting all the time, so you’d think we’d all […]

Things no one told me about weight loss

Last night the noisemakers at a million New Year’s Eve parties sounded off the official start of the 2007 dieting season. Two years ago when I started losing weight, finally for real this time, I didn’t quite know what I was in for. Sure, I knew I’d have to change my eating habits and pull myself out of that butt-shaped impression on my couch, but here are some of the things nobody told me about weight loss.

It will take time

I don’t just mean this in the sense that it will take a year to lose 50 pounds, though it will assuming you lose a pound a week, a safe and attainable rate. I mean you have to take time out of your day to exercise and prepare food. When I started my plan I would come home in the evenings and run on the treadmill. Now I also do Pilates. Then I’d have to go into the kitchen, shove off papers and dirty pans to make a clean section of the counter, and cook something.

By […]

Matter of Taste

Yesterday I discovered something more rare than a Puerto Rican yeti. I discovered I know someone who doesn’t like the taste of chocolate. I know! My first reaction was “Wow, that would come in handy. I wish I didn’t like chocolate!” It’s so much easier to resist temptation when there actually isn’t any temptation to resist. People would gasp in amazement at me as I attended birthday parties and never had any chocolate cake, when I was able to resist the contents of entire Christmas stockings, as I took one look at a Hostess Cupcake and said “No, thanks.” I would be like a diet superhero. I’d probably even be thin enough to look good in a spandex costume.

But as I thought about it more, I started to rethink the issue. (WARNING: Do not read the rest of this paragraph if you have not yet eaten lunch. If you disregard this warning, the owner of this blog is not responsible for your vending machine fees.) Would I really want to rid my life of the […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Lick the Produce: Odd things I've put in my mouth
Half-Marathon: Less fun than it looks
European Vacation

"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein

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