You'll laugh you ass off. (I did.)
I just wanted to pop in and let you know it’s my sixth fativersary. Six years ago I started my weight loss journey. You can also read about what I was doing on my second fativersary, my fourth fativersary, and my fifth fativersary. I evidently didn’t notice or care about my first and third fativersary.
I probably shouldn’t celebrate this event with cake, right?
I had completely forgotten this until I read DietGirl’s blog this morning, but today is my five-year fativersary! It was five years ago today that I started my big fat weight loss attempt. DietGirl and I have the same weight loss anniversary, which would seem weird if not for the millions of people who start losing weight in January.
So, it’s five years later and I’ve maintained 75% of my highest weight loss. I’m working on making that percentage higher, but for now, I’ll take it! Woot! Some people think the five-year mark is a statistically significant indicator of your likelihood to keep the weight off. A quick Google search couldn’t find any articles that stated this, so it might just be folk wisdom or a total figment of my imagination.
All I know if that there was a guy who commented on the blog about two or three years ago saying he wouldn’t buy my book until I’d kept the weight off for five years. I only remember this because the guy was a douchebag about it. I truly appreciate the support of everyone who’s bought my book, but the decision is totally yours and isn’t something you need to extort out of me. I tried to find the comment, but after fifteen minutes of combing through search results I gave up. All I remember is that the comment was phrased as if I would only be worthy of having him purchase my book if I stayed skinny (or in my case, less fat). As I said before, I am very thankful to everyone who has purchased my book. But I think whatever happens to my weight in the future is somewhat irrelevant in regards to my memoir, which is the story of what it was like to lose a lot of weight, which will remain as true now and in the future regardless of whether I lose 100 pounds or gain 100 pounds. So if you want to buy it, thanks! And if you don’t, well, ok. Just don’t be a douchebag about it, all right?
By the way, did I say I was grateful? I am grateful!
With that in mind, happy fativersary and farewell to those 150 pounds gone!
It was exactly 4 years ago today that I stepped on a scale and then stepped on a treadmill and finally stepped into a new phase of my life. Happy fativersary to me!
I started out at 372 pounds, a number I would rather possess in foreign currency than write down on my weight chart. After over two and half years of work, I hit a low of 170.8 pounds (partially induced by stress I dared not blog about). That weight was a bit too low for me, since I still like to eat a donut now and then. Instead, I maintained a weight of 180 pounds for a good while, was happy with my size, and bopped happily down nature trails and treadmills as I trained for a half marathon and promoted my book.
Then after almost a year of unrelenting chronic pain, I entered another phase of my life which involved depression and compulsive eating, gaining back about 25 pounds. And quite frankly my dear, I didn’t give a damn, because I was so foregone.
Lately, I have stabilized both mentally and physically. I haven’t gained any more weight in the past few months and my secret, late-night dates with the freezer department at Marsh have become infrequent. I am hopeful that as I continue to pursue medical treatment, I will regain the health and energy necessary to work off that weight and enter yet another phase of my life.
That’s the story so far. It keeps going. I lose weight. I gain a bit back. I lose it again. That’s life. That’s my body. It takes time and work and a sense of perspective.
It does not involve acai berries or colon cleanses, which I only mention because along with the new year there has been a rise in scammers wishing to take advantage of people who have made resolutions to lose weight. Steve from Weight Loss Weapons has made a master list of sites that are pretending to be blogs but are in fact fronts created to sell you sham products so their owners can make big profits. Don’t be fooled!
One of these sites tried to place an ad on my site earlier this week, but it seemed fishy to me so I rejected them. (Yes, I sometimes turn down ads. It’s not just a line in my advertising policy.) These sites are pretending to be run by regular people who are telling their life stories (like I do here on this blog), but they’re fake. They want you to trust them because they act like they are part of our community, but they are just twisting that sense of social connection for their own means. It’s kind of disgusting, even grosser than the idea of a colon cleanse. I was hesitant to link to the list of sites because I don’t want anyone clicking on the links and buying the products, but I think it’s better to warn people about the fraud than pretend it’s not out there.
To all of you looking to celebrate your own fativersary, good luck! All we have is time and each other. Skip the acai berries and invest in yourself instead. You won’t regret it.
Healthy eating is by definition supposed to be good for your health. I obviously didn’t get the memo. Earlier this month, I grated off a piece of my thumb while making latkes. This week, I cut myself horribly on . . .a box of Go Lean! Crunch.
Yes, eating cereal is now a health hazard. You heard it here first. I don’t know if the machine that assembles the cereal boxes was miscalibrated or they happened to sharpen their box cutting knives the day it was shipped, but the cardboard edge of my box cut into my pinkie as I was innocently pouring myself a sweet yet nutritious mix of seven whole grains. Think I have law suit material? I have now placed masking tape over the edge to avoid future incidents.
What’s next? Will I slip on a banana peel in the kitchen? Will my tongue get frozen to a no-sugar-added fudge pop? I fear to speculate.
In other news, I completely forgot my fat-iversary two days ago. As of January 15th I’ve been doing this healthy eating and exercise nonsense for three years. According to an article sent to me by the National Weight Control Registry as thanks for participating in their long-ass surveys, “after individuals have successfully maintained their weight loss for 2-5 years, the chance of long-term success greatly increases.” Go me! Another two years and I’ll have the stats completely in my favor. (The article is called “Long-term weight-loss maintenance” from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, Issue 82, 2005. Pages 222-225. I’m not putting that in MLA format because I don’t know how and I find that stuff boring.)
