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Did I tell you my friend Dana got a job at Twitter? I know! I am so much cooler than you now, if only by association. The next time I see the fail whale, I’ll be sure to complain to her personally for falling down on the job. Dana is shipping off to San Francisco soon, leaving Indiana and all our cornfields behind for street trolleys and outrageous housing costs. So, I made her a stuffed, crocheted Twitter birdie so she’ll remember me once she’s made all her cool new friends. (She already met Will.i.am during her first week!)

Dolls like these are called “amigurumi,” a Japanese term that combines the words for “crocheted” and “stuffed doll.” I used the Lion Yarn pattern for an amigurumi chick (requires free registration to view). I crocheted the body with a strand of teal yarn and a strand of blue eyelash yarn worked together, which gave it the fuzzy appearance. The eyes are black buttons, and I made the feet with yellow pipe cleaners so the bird can perch […]

Presenting Mr. & Mrs. Butterstick

My friend Jen was getting married and I wanted to give her something handmade. This was solely because handmade gifts are more meaningful because the maker had to pour time and work into the product and not at all because I’d already spent money for a plane ticket and hotel reservations in DC and wanted to give her something inexpensive.

Thus, Mr. and Mrs. Butterstick were born! And betrothed! And hitched! Damn, that was fast. Butterstick is the nickname of the panda that was born at the Washington D.C. zoo a few years ago. Jen watched the panda-cam obsessively after the little bear was born, so a gift of Mr. and Mrs. Butterstick presenting her with a butter plate seemed perfect.

I started Mrs. B two weeks before the wedding and was halfway done with her body when I realized, “Crap, this bear looked a lot smaller in the photo.” For the next two weeks I crocheted as fast as I could, ran out of black yarn and had to go on crafting expeditions for black felt […]

The cause of my headache revealed!

As many of you know, I have had a constant headache for over a year. After contacting countless doctors, healers, and Internet crackpots, I have finally discovered the cause of my headache!

As I was lying in bed last night, the normal tension in my head became particularly intense. I tossed and turned as the pain became unbearable. I got out of bed to plod to the bathroom when suddenly I fell to the floor in agony and heard a loud popping sound. I blacked out, but when I regained consciousness, lying there on my chest was…a rare Portuguese tree frog!

“Hello, my name is Bob,” he said in Portuguese, a language I speak fluently after my year abroad as a Brazilian tango instructor. “Sorry to have been such a pain this past year,” Bob said. He then explained that he had dropped onto my head when he was only a little seedling, and had spent the past year incubating in my nasal passages until he was ready to spring forth out of my head like Athena, […]

It’s Nannerpus!

I don’t know how our parents, or even our older siblings, got through the work day without the Internet. A funny YouTube video or a LOL Cat can lighten spirits weighed down by a heavy workload. Lately our Internet savior has been…the Nannerpus!

Nannerpus made his national debut during a Superbowl ad for Denny’s. He’s not even a month old and he already has a Twitter account, parody videos, and tribute art dedicated to him. He’s got a catchy theme song and whenever there is a lull at the office, or whenever there is not a lull at the office, someone will hit YouTube and their laptop speakers will scream, “It’s Nannerpus!” And then the song is caught in your head once more.

After a long lunchtime discussion about Nannerpus, in which we postulated that his nemesis must be a cross between a monkey and a crab and that Nannerpus probably attacks by squirting syrup at you or by lying in wait on the floor until you slip on him or attaches to your face and […]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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