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The past psycho cookie monster

Photo by Sixth Lie / by NCND 2.0 CC

I looked up my old post about LASIK surgery recently so I could give the link to a friend who’s considering the procedure. I’m not sure what word best describes the feeling I get when reading old posts, but it’s similar to the feeling I get when looking at old yearbook photos. It’s some combination of surprised/awkward/insightful/nostalgic. Surprawkinosalgic? Take note, Merriam-Webster, the first usage of that word started here!

I haven’t read through the entire blog since I wrote Half-Assed, and I don’t have any plans (or the time) to do so any time soon. Yet it’s surprawkinosalgic to see how my writing tone and approach have evolved over the years, and even more surprawkinosalgic to see how I myself have changed .

This section jumped out at me from the LASIK post, which I wrote before the bit about a laser burning out my eyeballs:

It was a pretty fun waiting room to be in since everyone was there by choice and was going to experience an improvement […]

My favorite valentine

After years of my love and devotion, finally, my favorite valentine reciprocates my love.

I love you, too, Lofthouse Cookies! Be mine forever!

To eat or not to eat?

I would like to avoid the bakery section of the grocery store all together on my weekly shopping trips, but it lies directly between the produce section and the meat freezers. Thus I have to roll my cart briskly past the baguettes and cupcakes and cookies and donuts and buttercream cakes, thinking, “Go, go, go!” like a child running past a cemetery at night, afraid the ghost of jelly filled donuts will grab me and force slices of chocolate cake down my throat.

Last week though, something caught my eye, something so completely WRONG, all caps, font weight bold, kind of wrong, I just had to whip out my camera and photograph it like the pathological blogger that I am.

Would you eat this cookie cake? On the one hand, there are sweet, gooey chocolate chip morsels scattered within the cookie batter. There is creamy frosting coating the entire top. On the other hand, ew, ants. ANTS! For real, ants? Not just ants, but mutant monster ants the size of tarantulas. Who would want to eat an […]

What’s for lunch?

Last week I had cookie cake for lunch. I didn’t plan on having cookie cake for lunch, but when I walked into the office kitchen and saw the chocolate chip cookie covered in icing and sprinkled with mini M&M’s I thought, “I’m having cookie cake for lunch!” And so it was. I’m glad soup doesn’t have feelings or else my can of savory pot roast might have felt jilted.

I ate a smidge more than I would have if I was being watched, but I stopped before it was all gone and left plenty of sugar for my co-workers. Then I calculated how many calories I’d eaten and was glad I’d bought that bag of salad at the grocery store this week. It was barely past noon and I‘d already eaten all of lunch and half of dinner.

Later on there was carrot cake and fruit offered at a team meeting, but I turned it down and it wasn’t even a big deal. I didn’t even think about the cookie cake for the rest of the day, […]

My New Workout

Truly, the only way you could get me to run that fast is if you put a cookie in front of me.

Video via Skwigg who saw it on Alwyn Cosgrove. For those of you sneaking your blog reading in at work and don’t want to blow your cover, it’s a Japanese game show where the object of the game is to run off the end of a long treadmill. You grab a cookie every 10 feet or so, at which point the treadmill speeds up. Most people end up tripping and get sent off the treadmill into a pool of water. But hey, at least they got a cookie! When I first watched it I thought, “Man, it’s pretty much impossible to win this game,” and then I realized that was the point. It’s way more entertaining to see people get knocked into a wading pool with a mouth mashed full of chocolate chips than it is to see them win. It’s like an allegory for our high-paced, competitive society. We’re all running like crazy […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Lick the Produce: Odd things I've put in my mouth
Half-Marathon: Less fun than it looks
European Vacation

"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein

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