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Gone Swimmin’

What do you do when you are stressed about naming your book? You shop, of course! Spending unbudgeted money on clothing sure beats eating a pint of ice cream. Of course, when the garment you are looking for is a swimsuit it’s quite possible it might make your stress levels rise instead of fall. But I am paying my rent every month on time, so I figure I should take advantage of the pool my dollars are helping maintain. I also finally feel thin enough that the idea of swimsuit shopping only launches me to 50%-60% of my maximum heart rate instead of 80%-90%.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought a swimsuit. It was probably the 90’s. I can’t remember the last time I went swimming either, but I think it was in the lake at my friend’s house, a home they don’t even own anymore. I also forgot to bring my swimsuit home because I left it to dry in their bathroom. I did not get it back until my ass could […]

Old Navy wants fat people to shop online

Big Fat Deal recently reported that Old Navy will soon stop stocking its plus-size line in stores, relegating those sizes to online ordering only. An article in the The San Jose Mercury News confirms it in a blurb halfway down the page, saying “final shipments of apparel in sizes 22, 24 and 26 will be sent out during the next few weeks.” (The article was written on April 28, 2007.) It also says Old Navy will “continue to carry women’s sizes 16 to 20 as part of their regular collection.”

Gap spokeswoman Robin Carr gave this rationale for the decision: “We really wanted to showcase the Plus collection and felt the best place to do that effectively was online…online is everywhere.” Which is probably the lamest excuse I’ve heard since that time I told myself Raspberry vodka was good for me because it contained fruit. If we follow Carr’s reasoning, why should Old Navy bother having stores at all? If online is everywhere and it provides the best showcase for your clothing, you could significantly reduce […]

Weight: 186 – Pounds left to lose: 26

If my sore triceps are any indication, this small bounce back up a pound is at least partly due to muscle. About time too, since everyone said I would gain weight because of muscle and it hadn’t happened yet. I was beginning to wonder if my dumbbells were broken.

Last night I discovered I can now squeeze into those size 14 jeans I bought on the last day of 2006. I know most women try to convince themselves they are a size smaller than they actually are, but I must have some brain synapses crossed because I typically try to convince myself I’m a size larger than I am. I actually missed the time I was a size 24 and went right from a baggy pair of size 26’s to a pair of 22’s. I get so used to the looser feel of my jeans as I shrink that I don’t believe the next size down should feel as tight as they do when I first put them on. I also like to keep muffin […]

Weight: 188 – Pounds left to lose: 28

Oh, okay, I’m down two pounds from last week. Whatever, body. Didn’t you notice I ate too much bread and a cupcake last week? Sometimes my body is like a referee that’s looking the other way and makes the wrong call.

That’s still up one pound from two weeks ago, so my weight chart is getting as jagged as a hacksaw blade. Maybe I can manipulate my weight loss so I draw a picture on my chart. If I gain weight next week and then lose it and then gain it again, I’ll have a pair of vampire fangs!

I think the weight lifting is going well because it is causing me pain. Last night when my cat started kneading my chest right above my boobs, I yelped as if he’d pawed my nipple. I evidently have muscles there. And they hurt. I was going to go look for a bench at Goodwill or Play It Again Sports, but it is snowing again, so I’m going to stay home. I’m so ready for winter to be over, […]

Breaking up with Lane Bryant

I made my final purchase at Lane Bryant on the last day of 2006, a great way to close out the year. Lane Bryant is the flagship fat girl clothing store in America, stocking sizes 14-28. While I owe them a debt of gratitude for preventing me from wearing the latest in garbage bag couture during my largest days, I always had a love-hate relationship with the store. Their clothes are overpriced and in lieu of day care I suspect they allow employee’s children to run around the store with a bedazzler, applying sequins and plastic beads to every tank top or blouse in sight.

But, they were having a sale on Venezia jeans for only $19.99. I haven’t bought dress pants or skirts from them in a while, but their bootcut jeans have always fit my particular shape well. I stopped by and was happy to find I now fit into their size 16. Funny, since a week earlier I’d tried on size 16’s at their sister store, Fashion Bug, which I could button, but […]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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