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Mirror, mirror on the dressing room wall

The dressing rooms at Target are surprisingly well lit. This is a surprisingly good thing because Target dressing rooms also feature two mirrors on opposite walls angled perfectly for me to check out my back muscles. When I used to stand in the Lane Bryant dressing rooms, I was grateful that the room seemed to be lit by the glow of an iPhone. I looked at my morbidly obese reflection in the same way I would view a car accident on the side of the road, not really wanting to look but staring anyway. Now here I was years later, in Target, trying on a sports bra, flexing my whatever-the-back-muscles-are-called for at least two minutes, thinking “Damn, I look good.”

It was a good reminder, because someone snuck into my apartment and switched my dumbbells with heavier ones. I know that eight-pounder was not that hard to lift last month. I’m sure neglecting my upper body weight routine has nothing to do with it at all. I’ve been distracted with my new YMCA classes and my […]

Seasons of weight loss

As I was shivering in my short-sleeved hoodie and tank top after the Ani DiFranco concert last week, it occurred to me, “Hey, the seasons are changing, you dumbass. Next time bring a sweatshirt!” My approach to choosing my clothes is to assume that today will be the same temperature as yesterday, which makes no sense because if that were true there would be no seasons. I must think I live on the equator.

The changing seasons mean a lot for my weight loss. I’m going to have to buy a whole new winter wardrobe, again, for the third year in a row. Yeah, this is the part where I send out engraved invitations to my pity party and no one RSVP’s. “Ooooh, that’s so horrible, PastaQueen. You’re so small you have to buy new sweaters. We feel so, so, terrible for you.” I know, it’s a good problem to have, but it’s still a problem. I still mourn the loss of my fuzzy brown extra large sweater. It was so soft and flattering of my […]

3-D weight loss progress photo – fancy dress edition

A new fancy dress edition of my 3-D progress photos is now posted on the progress page and embedded below. My mother worked her magic on the broken straps of my dress with a needle as her wand. Bibbity-bobbity-boo! One would never know I broke a beaded strap at my brother’s wedding and had them replaced. Thanks, Mom!

P.S. – I’m turning off comments on this one because I feel like I’m whoring for compliments with all of these photos lately. I know I look good and thank you for thinking so too!

Wedding photos and a possible Project Runway challenge

As promised, here are photos of me all gussied up for my brother’s wedding two weekends ago. I was waiting for the professional pictures to come back, but they haven’t turned up yet so I’ll just show you my shaky, handheld photography in questionable lighting. The one on the left was taken outside in front of a stretch SUV limousine and the one on the right was taken in my hotel room, which is why I look kind of blue like Smurf in one and kind of yellow like I have Hepatitis in the other. I wanted to show you the back of the dress because I love the way the fabric wraps around and drapes down. I was able to grab those strands at the reception and wave them around like butterfly wings.

My dress was green but did this cool shimmering thing in the light that gave it a red sheen, which doesn’t show up in the photos at all, so you’ll just have to take my word for it. You can’t tell from […]

Right fit, wrong time

Hey, PastaQueen. Can you tell me what irony is?

Why yes, self. It’s when you have too much iron. It’s like reverse anemia.

Um, I don’t think that’s what it means.

Oh, really. Are you a doctor?

No, but I did take a creative writing class once. That’s not what “irony” means.

If you already know what it means, then why are you asking me?

Well, I thought it would be a cute way to set up a blog entry. I was just playing dumb.

Oh, okay then. Irony is “incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result.” For example, say someone has worked two and half years so they would no longer have to shop at Lane Bryant. Then say that the very month that person can finally squeeze into the largest size not sold at Lane Bryant (size 12) and she runs around shopping all weekend looking for jeans is also the very same month Lane Bryant introduces a line of jeans that evidently fit everyone’s body shape. But only if they’re […]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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