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Some things are just wrong

During a long running/ellipiticizing session last week I kept thinking of the mini-pizza I’d bought at the whole goods store and how great it would taste as my post-workout reward . Imagine my horror when I ripped open the cardboard box and this monstrosity slipped out.

Broccoli? On a pizza? I thought sprinkling pineapple chunks on top was weird, but this takes the cake (er, pie). In all fairness, the picture on the box clearly displays broccoli, but somehow it looks so much tastier when fully cooked and photographed professionally.

In the picture, the broccoli, tomatoes and cheese all blend into a tasty looking whole. The broccoli florets in the frozen version on my kitchen counter looked like an afterthought someone sprinkled on top after they ran out of pepperoni. They were as welcome as dried cockroaches. Normally I’m fine with broccoli. I don’t pretend to upchuck at its mention, but I’ve never written sonnets about it either. It just doesn’t belong on pizza, okay? Somehow they fooled me by calling it a “pesto” pizza. I […]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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