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Ask a loser: How did that organic diet go?

A long time ago, in a galaxy not that far away, Nicole asked me:

I noticed you were using Splenda again, I might have missed this but did the organic thing not work for you? Well obviously it didn’t if you’re back to Splenda :-) Was it tough going completely organic? How long did you last? Just wondering what your experience was with that.

Back in…September?…October?…according to my blog entry it was indeed October, I visited an allergist who recommended that I try an organic diet. (Thank goodness I keep a blog or I’d never remember when anything happened in my life.) So, I started paying extra money for organic fruit, started using sugar instead of artificial sweetener, and never did find an Amish chicken, though I didn’t look too hard for one. I don’t suppose the Amish have an online store, do they?

This lasted about 5 days.

It turns out, eating organic is really, really hard. A lot of our food is fake. Many of the foods I eat have preservatives in them and […]

Ask a loser: What should my goal weight be?

I was wondering what weight chart did you use when determining what you should weigh? – Liz

Asking this question is like asking “How many guys do I have to sleep with before I’m a slut?” It depends. One person’s answer is not necessarily going to be the same as another’s. Just like your sluttiness, you goal weight is subjective.

I had been fat my entire adult life, so setting a goal weight was tricky. I didn’t have a frame of reference for my ideal body weight. People who have been skinny before can refer to the weight they liked their body at best, whereas I was just making my best guess at what weight would be good for me. Plus, I couldn’t exactly go up to people I thought looked good and say, “How much do you weigh?” (Not until I took a self-defense course first.)

Instead, I took a look at the BMI (body mass index) chart to determine the range of weight that was recommended for someone of my height. The body mass index […]

Ask a loser: How do I start running?

I am not a Magic 8 ball, but sometimes people ask me questions (though thankfully they don’t shake me afterwards). EVA asks, “i noticed you started out walking and are now running. how did you do it?” I’ve been asked this before and my advice is: Don’t do what I did! I did no research and I had no plan. I was just walking on the treadmill one day, all 200-something pounds of me, and I decided to kick it up to a run. I started out doing short distances and eventually got up to a mile. A mile! It was awesome. Then I injured myself. This was because I was not stretching properly and I did not have good running shoes and didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

So, avoid the idiot’s method of running and do some reading before pounding the pavement. Before I dispense any advice, I should remind you I am not a doctor and I don’t even play one on TV. It’s always best to consult a physician before […]

Ask a loser: Is exercise a hobby?

In the mid-90’s there was a TV show called Beakman’s World that ran Saturday mornings. It was like Mr. Wizard if the producers of that show were dropping acid and made one of Mr. Wizard’s co-stars dress up in a rat suit. I don’t think they ever said Beakman was a scientist, but he wore a lab coat, albeit a neon green lab coat, so it was heavily implied that he was scientific in some way even if his hair stuck up like Frankenstein’s bride.

Every week Beakman would answer science questions supposedly written in letters from kids around the world, though I always wondered if they came from kids around the crews’ familes’ dinner tables. He’d start each segment by reading one these letters like, “Kate from Los Angeles, California asks…” or “Jeff from Gooseneck, Minnesota wants to know…” Then they’d find some excuse to set off 100 mousetraps or set something on fire after telling us we should not try this at home without adult supervision.

I think I’ll emulate Beakman at the end of […]

Ask a loser

I’m going to answer some readers’ questions today. They’ve been sitting in my inbox, making me feel guilty every time I check my e-mail, taking up precious kilobytes of memory. No more! If you asked me a question and the answer isn’t here, feel free to e-mail me again at halfofme at pastaqueen dot com so I can ignore you for a couple weeks and then write another guilt post.

1) Melissa asks “Can you give us an example of your daily menu?”

Several people have asked me this and I don’t feel comfortable posting that information. I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor. I don’t want to program other people’s menus. I think people need to figure out what works for themselves. Everyone has different dietary needs depending on their gender and current size and activities. I ate a lot more food when I was morbidly obese than I do now because my body simply needed more energy to run.

Everyone has different tastes too. As we discovered in my entry about the produce section many of […]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Lick the Produce: Odd things I've put in my mouth
Half-Marathon: Less fun than it looks
European Vacation

"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein

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