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Food cat-astrophe

I screwed up my cat’s food and I have the carpet stains to prove it.

Officer Krupke has been on prescription diet cat food because some of the weight I lost found him. I noticed his food was getting low over the weekend. I later discovered that one and a half cups of kibble looks a lot bigger than I thought it did because I hit the bottom of the bag by Monday when the vet reopened. I drove by after work to pick up a new bag just in the nick of time. When I walked in the door, I looked at the white, wire shelves and…the logos were all wrong. They’d switched brands! I got a prescription to buy his food at another store, but was unable to get any before they closed.

Now, I know you’re not supposed to change your cat’s food suddenly, that this is a big no-no, and that I should have really known better. But given the choice between listening to a cat moan, “Give me food!” in meow-speak all […]

If only pepperoni could solve the world’s problems

I slowed to a stop at a red light on the way to work last week when I saw a woman start to jog across the crosswalk in front of me. I noticed her legs first, poking out like bamboo shoots from her jogging shorts. The word “anorexic” instantly popped into my head, but I held off judgment for a second because I know marathon runners can become very skinny without necessarily starving themselves. Then I scanned my eyes upward and caught a look of the woman’s shoulder blades poking out from her tank top and decided my initial leap to a conclusion landed me in exactly the right spot. As I further assessed her body, I was amazed she was able to move at all since there appeared to be very little muscle on her body.

I’ve never done charity work in Ethiopia and I didn’t liberate concentration camp survivors during World War II, so it occurred to me I had never actually seen an emaciated body on display this close up before. I couldn’t […]

Matter of Taste

Yesterday I discovered something more rare than a Puerto Rican yeti. I discovered I know someone who doesn’t like the taste of chocolate. I know! My first reaction was “Wow, that would come in handy. I wish I didn’t like chocolate!” It’s so much easier to resist temptation when there actually isn’t any temptation to resist. People would gasp in amazement at me as I attended birthday parties and never had any chocolate cake, when I was able to resist the contents of entire Christmas stockings, as I took one look at a Hostess Cupcake and said “No, thanks.” I would be like a diet superhero. I’d probably even be thin enough to look good in a spandex costume.

But as I thought about it more, I started to rethink the issue. (WARNING: Do not read the rest of this paragraph if you have not yet eaten lunch. If you disregard this warning, the owner of this blog is not responsible for your vending machine fees.) Would I really want to rid my life of the […]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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