I woke up this morning to a cat crawling on my face, as I do many a morning when I am sleepy and the cats are hungry and we battle it out to see whose superlative will win. Today Java Bean’s back leg stepped on my nose and he dug his claw into my skin and left a two-inch long cut under my right eye.
It HURT. It was bleeding. I grabbed some toilet paper from the bathroom and applied pressure for 10 minutes. Then I cleaned it with hydrogen peroxide. Then I Googled “how to prevent scarring” where I learned that I should keep the wound clean, moist and avoid direct sunlight.
I’m not sure how I’m going to get a bandage on this thing, but I’m going to the drug store to see if recent innovations in bandage technology have provided a solution. I’m not that vain of a person, but I’d rather not have a scar on my nose for the rest of my life. If I do, I’m going to have to come up with a story about a knife fight. I also won tickets to the Journey concert at the State Fair on Sunday, with Heart opening, and I really want to go, direct sunlight or not. If have to wear a veil over my face to get there, so be it.
Also, please refrain from commenting on my skin, my pores, or the fact that I don’t pluck my eyebrows. I really don’t give a shit about any of that, and the only reason my skin looks a bit oily is because I put some Vaseline on the wound to keep it moist. Thanks.
I took a cue from the stoners and abused wives of the world and discovered that a big pair of sunglasses will cover up most facial wounds. Only a centimeter of the end of my cut curls out from under my big lenses. I don’t know what the cashier at CVS thought of me wearing my shades inside, but when I took them off in front of the pharmacist he thankfully did not recoil in horror. Instead, he recommended a liquid bandage, which is basically clear nail polish with some anti-bacterial ingredients. I applied that to my cut and covered it up with a piece of gauze I cut up to fit the wound. Then I taped it on with some cloth tape. It seems to be holding and now I have plenty of time to practice that knife fight story involving some bitch with long fingernails who got fresh with me.