Last week I finally figured out what causes the grimy residue that occasionally appears in my bathroom sink. It’s from sewage coming up the drain! Oh, how I long for the days I thought it was from the maintenance man changing my air filter and washing his hands in the sink. The urine and little flecks of feces swimming in the basin where I brush my teeth were very warm, emanating heat when my hand hovered above the concoction. I turned on the faucet and forced the icky brew sloooooooowly back down the drain and then closed the stopper until the maintenance man could come fix it.
This was also the same day that my Internet connection died for real. Two days before I left for vacation, the Internet choked, then someone did the Heimlich and it was breathing again for a day. But then it was hit by a bus and died while I was away, only to be carted to the emergency room and resuscitated for another day when I was able to check my email and catch up on a few things. Then it was taken off of life support and finally died for real, at the beginning of Memorial Day weekend when all the technicians were grilling meat in their backyards. This left me without the Internet for three days, before I begged my boss for time off to wait for the cable guy even though I’d just taken two weeks off. The people at Panera were starting to recognize me, the widow of the Internet, leeching “free” wifi for the price of a coffee.
As I pressed the button to turn on my desktop computer for the cable guy, I was shocked by static electricity. While a bolt of lightening gave Frankenstein’s monster life, it killed my desktop’s power unit and now the poor little computer won’t turn on. All my data is safe since it’s preserved on the hard disks, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull out program settings like all my Internet passwords and FTP favorites. I had smelled death on my desktop computer, which is three and a half years old and equivalent to a Mayan relic in computer time. I had planned on moving everything over to my HP laptop (not the mini-laptop) this month in preparation of its inevitable death, but that was evidently 30 days too late.
But at least my Internet works now, even if a light bulb burned out as the technician was fixing it. Why does everything break at once?