I like the days when it is sunny outside and my kitties cuddle me and my microwave lunch has a tasty peach dessert (which I thought was an apple dessert until I read the package) and I’m excited about my job and there is good TV on.
I don’t like the days when it is rainy outside and my cats have tufts of hair in their mouths and blood on their noses and lunch is abandoned for the donuts in the break room and my job is stressful and I have to wait until tomorrow to download Battlestar Galactica.
Most frustratingly, I don’t get to control the days. I cannot make it rain or shine. I cannot make my cats love each other. I cannot make myself hate sugar and chocolate. I don’t control the TV schedule or my workplace in a bad economy. I can’t do much to mediate my moods, other than take my pills and exercise and avoid all those things the doctors told me to avoid, like caffeine, liquor, and staying up late, or in other words, “fun.” I try to stay active, to distract myself, to stay happily productive, but it never lasts forever.
So when I am feeling happy I ride that wave as far as I can. I am so grateful for the stupid, simple things, like a cup of caramel flavored coffee and an egg-white omelet or my electric bugaloo fish swimming at my desk. I cherish every kitten kiss. And when I am sad I try to remember it won’t last forever and maybe someday life will be as good as it used to be. Other days I think I should move somewhere sunnier and live as simply as possible with whatever income I can scratch together. Other days I am so grateful to have a job when my friends are unemployed and depressed.
Back and forth, to and fro, playing out on the mood swing.