March 19, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I like the days when it is sunny outside and my kitties cuddle me and my microwave lunch has a tasty peach dessert (which I thought was an apple dessert until I read the package) and I’m excited about my job and there is good TV on.
I don’t like the days when it is rainy outside and my cats have tufts of hair in their mouths and blood on their noses and lunch is abandoned for the donuts in the break room and my job is stressful and I have to wait until tomorrow to download Battlestar Galactica.
Most frustratingly, I don’t get to control the days. I cannot make it rain or shine. I cannot make my cats love each other. I cannot make myself hate sugar and chocolate. I don’t control the TV schedule or my workplace in a bad economy. I can’t do much to mediate my moods, other than take my pills and exercise and avoid all those things the doctors told me to avoid, like caffeine, liquor, and staying up late, or in other words, “fun.” I try to stay active, to distract myself, to stay happily productive, but it never lasts forever.
So when I am feeling happy I ride that wave as far as I can. I am so grateful for the stupid, simple things, like a cup of caramel flavored coffee and an egg-white omelet or my electric bugaloo fish swimming at my desk. I cherish every kitten kiss. And when I am sad I try to remember it won’t last forever and maybe someday life will be as good as it used to be. Other days I think I should move somewhere sunnier and live as simply as possible with whatever income I can scratch together. Other days I am so grateful to have a job when my friends are unemployed and depressed.
Back and forth, to and fro, playing out on the mood swing.
Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein
32 Comments
Iva • March 19, 2009 at 6:05 pm
I just finished reading an article about SAD (Seasonal -Something- Disorder — obviously, I didn’t COMPREHEND the article!)
I don’t think us Georgians suffer from Seasonal Depression…but I get where you’re coming from. I love the good days…cherish them, really. But the bad days…really, really suck.
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Laura • March 19, 2009 at 6:57 pm
*random* You watch Battlestar! yay! Sometimes a new episode of my favorite show is enough to get me through a day. Which is probably kind of pathetic.
99.99% of the time it’s my weight that gets me down. So I eat something yummy… yeah, that’s working out really well for me.
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Lydia • March 19, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I actually think you have a really healthy perspective on life. I know what you mean, I think.
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kazari • March 19, 2009 at 7:42 pm
But even a bad day is just made up of moments. And it’s possible to insert good moments between the bad ones (a run of green lights is so much more satisfying on a rainy day).
So when I find myself in the middle of a bad day, I stop to make tea, or read your blog, or call my sister.
and sometimes that makes for an insanely good day, after all.
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ms. changes pants while driving • March 19, 2009 at 7:43 pm
i have bsg! all of this season! and i even have the special “the last fracking season” which i can’t watch until i finish tomorrow’s episode. i can’t believe it’s over.
the end.
i’m eating chili cheese fritos. so sue me.
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DonnaLynn in Hawaii • March 19, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I have so realized this. I am solar powered. The sun and the happy times really help. I usually know after looking at the weather when I wake up how the day is going to go. I have to get out of that somehow. When you figure out a way, please share.
I totally dug the picture you inclouded. How fitting.
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kristisummer • March 19, 2009 at 10:45 pm
great description of life, one minute great next not so much. Love your honesty and realism it is refreshing.
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BrightAngel • March 19, 2009 at 11:24 pm
I always enjoy reading your thoughts,
especially when they mirror my own.
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Sandy • March 20, 2009 at 12:08 am
Absolutely, and right on sister.
It seems so stupidly pollyanna when I type it but happiness is a choice. I have just gone through five months of unemployment and I do not believe I would have survived without remembering that happiness and optimism are free and yours for the taking.
I absolutely believe that was the biggest factor in my finding not just a new job but one that is so exciting it has me jumping out of bed to get there and make a difference.
The stupidest thing but the easiest is just to think of an over-the-top description of how to answer the question “How are you” — and use it every time. When you answer people multiple times a day that you “excellent”, or “grand”, or “super” (without any sarcasm in your voice :) ) you begin to realize you actually do feel that way.
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Sandy • March 20, 2009 at 12:11 am
@Iva – Seasonally “Affected” Disorder — it is very real. I am currently living somewhere which is sunny through the winter – rather than constantly overcast like in the midwest and I can really see a difference in people’s attitudes —- if we could just get some sunshine to Detroit maybe the economy would turn around faster.
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Early • March 20, 2009 at 3:17 am
@Sandy – Seasonal AFFECTIVE Disorder!
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cc • March 20, 2009 at 5:21 am
you just described every single week i’ve had since New Year. sending you my best wishes, ‘cos god knows i’ve needed them! sadly no kitten kisses at all for me.
i finally cracked mid-week and my boss demanded i take a few days off because i looked and sounded like a loony tune. slightly humiliating but i really am relishing this four day weekend just sitting in the sun like a lizard getting some vitamin D. best thing that could have happened. i hope the sun does shine for you this weekend.
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tutugirl1345 • March 20, 2009 at 7:17 am
Riding the good mood as far as possible is a good approach. I’ll have to try that!
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Jen • March 20, 2009 at 8:19 am
I am there with you. My moods got really bad toward the end of the winter and I wondered what was wrong with me, and then the sun came out and I felt less stupid and fuzzy and depressed. Hope that spring brings some better moods for you too.
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nolafwug • March 20, 2009 at 9:12 am
I grew up in Massachusetts where they have real seasons. Now that I’ve been living in New Orleans for +10 years I can’t understand why people subject themselves to cold weather!
I absolutely love our weather right now – the mornings are the perfect temperature for running (60-65 degrees) and the days are sunny and breezy and in the 70’s. Sure the summers are hot, humid, and oppressive. But it’s only a few months are we have A/C!
Good luck to you, darling. Supposedly watching TV is correlated with depression…
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psychsarah • March 20, 2009 at 10:00 am
I adore the picture of the mood swing-it totally rocks!! I think you’re so right-you have to enjoy the little things in your day (like coffee, kitten kisses etc.). If you wait for big stuff to make you happy, it’s going to be hard to find. Hang in there-if you keep swinging, it always ends up happy for a while at least!!
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Amy • March 20, 2009 at 11:27 am
I try to do something productive every day (pay a bill, get to work early, clean a litterbox, knock something off the to-do list) and I try to volunteer regularly. Those things help my sanity on days when I’d rather curl up on the couch.
While I need to have some relaxing days, overall I need to keep pretty busy or my mind takes over and lets me get depressed.
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JEM • March 20, 2009 at 11:36 am
Its been raining alot (not literally) in my life lately. I desperately want to get back to sunnier times, it does suck that we can not just flip a switch and make it happen. I do find some peace knowing good times do always come again…eventually.
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Merry • March 20, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Okay, maybe you or one of your well-informed readers can help me with this question. Where do you download Battlestar G? More specifically, if one were… so to speak… hypothetically, you understand … a complete BG virgin who wanted to watch from the beginning so that her feeble brain had a chance of grasping the plot instead of being confused about all these characters who are running around shooting at each other and making cryptic comments, where would you go?
Hulu offered to let me look at season 4 episodes, does anyone out there have season 1?
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K • March 20, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@Merry – I’m like that about series, too. I came late to Joss Whedon and does anyone I know have the first series of Buffy? No. Though I’ve had offers to lend me later series.
I missed the start of BSG as well, although it sounds like something I’d like…
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Snurf • March 20, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Egg white omelets? On low carb? But eggs are the perfect food, and research has shown they don’t effect cholesterol like they thought it did.
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Isabelle • March 20, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Hope you’re on an upward swing at the moment.
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Merry • March 20, 2009 at 4:28 pm
@K – Hey K,
I’ve been able to find earlier episodes of Buffy at the local library. Sadly, no luck there with BG.
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Bob • March 20, 2009 at 6:47 pm
It’s odd and unfortunate, but sometimes it takes something really bad to make me appreciate alot about my life. This week, the shocking death of Natascha Richardson did it. I also saw a play in which a character is playing a game of poker with the Devil, and if he loses, he’s going to hell. And we do see him lose. But then- a surprising twist! And someone says to him something about just being lucky to be alive- and that really spoke to me.
Having said that, there are some times when I thank God for what I’ve got (vs at one time in my life when God might’ve only heard from me when I wanted help through a crisis!) I’ll start a list- thank God for being able to stay up late tonight! thank God for this yummy pudding! thank God for this comfortable apartment! thank God for how incredible water tastes after pudding, etc., etc.
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Anonymous • March 20, 2009 at 7:25 pm
I am right there with you. So sorry for the low mood you find yourself in. I really love reading your blog and I feel like you are a “friend” I have never met. I have that moody feeling a lot lately and i am trying hard not to let them make me anti-social. Remember, loneliness is no cure for the bad mood. The only way to get over it is to get up and call a friend and get OUT OF THE HOUSE. Trust me. I hope things get better.
Another cronic pain sufferer (the dreaded “pelvic pain” kind)
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Julie Fidler • March 20, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Welcome to my world. I only wish my mood swings were seasonal. ::sigh::
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Jen • March 20, 2009 at 10:45 pm
I’m sorry to hear about your mood swings. I know you are going through difficult times. I admire your strength.
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Callie • March 21, 2009 at 3:58 am
I enjoy your blog immensely. Sorry you’ve been having a tough time. I don’t have your monster headache that won’t die, but the past year has made me blue, too. Reading your post today made me feel less alone.
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PurpleGirl • March 21, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I’ve been feeling that way too lately. I know it’s normal to not have every day be awesome; I know it’s normal to have changing moods; but sometimes it still makes me afraid that my prozac isn’t working any more, because it seems like I spend more time swinging back and forth between moods than at a level medium.
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Pratik • March 22, 2009 at 7:30 am
I too suffer frm Mood Swings.. mainly in office timings…
Its because of the work which is done badly, which I could have done fast and good… But then i can’t control others way of working!
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Melissa Taylor • March 22, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Sometimes it’s like…we go along in life fine…and then it’s like someone strapped a mountain to our back when we weren’t looking.
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Kelly • March 23, 2009 at 1:39 am
So what did you think of the BSG finale? I kept thinking it was about to end, and then something else would happen. When it was all said and done, I think they dragged it too far. I think they could have ended it with Adama sitting on the hill talking about his cabin.
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