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Gee, Office Krupke…why couldn’t you just chill out?

Tonight Officer Krupke is going to live with Gramma.

I’ve given it over three months, but Officer Krupke hates Java Bean more than water and dogs and the sound of plastic bags. Several times a day there is hissing and snarling. I pick little globs of hair off the carpet because fur literally flies. There has been blood and scratched noses. Java Bean seems to think it’s fun to chase Krupke and bat at him with his paws. It’s all a game, just like it was when he was growing up with his litter of brothers and sisters.

Krupke was a stray, so I don’t know his background, but I don’t think he was socialized. I don’t think he played with brothers and sisters because Java Bean’s attempts to have fun are appreciated as much as a flea bath. Krupke makes sounds I don’t like to hear outside of a professional wrestling match. Sometimes he wrestles Java Bean to the ground and bites his neck, not in a playful manner, but as if to say, “I will END you.”

I’ve given it time – over three months. I bought expensive cat pheromones that were supposed to make them love each other. I got a book explaining how to introduce cats to one another. But it’s time to admit this is just not working. Krupke is miserable, and I’m sick of the noise and the fear that they’ll harm one another. They fought under my bed last week and literally made it shake. Sometimes they fight on either side of my face as I’m going to sleep. Eventually someone is going to get hurt, and it might be me.

It’s funny that I got Java Bean because I thought Officer Krupke was lonely. I really misread that situation. I also didn’t anticipate that I would like Java Bean so much better. He is cuddly and snuggly and affectionate in ways Krupke never has been. I love my Krupke, but he is a loner and I never realized how unaffectionate he was until a truly loving cat came into my life. It’s like I spent years with a mediocre boyfriend only to have a fabulous man come into my life to make me realize how subpar the first relationship was.

So, Krupke is going to go live with my mother. He knows her and she has a bigger apartment. He will be happier there with more space and no Java Bean swiping at his tail. But really, those are just happy coincidences. I’m letting him go because it’s what’s best for me, and it’s silly to pretend this is not a selfish move. I have essentially replaced my cat. I know that. I know it makes me a sort of bad person. But I’m still doing it. I will miss my baby, but I’ll still get to see him. Hopefully we’ll all be happier for it.

Let this also serve as a warning to you. Everyone told me that the cats would eventually work it out and become friends. Well, that didn’t happen. Sometimes cats just hate each other. If you’re thinking of adding another cat to your household, consider yourself warned.

ETA: The more I think about this, the sadder I get. I’m practically crying at my desk right now. I wish my kitties would just get along.

ETA: Okay, I just cried in the bathroom and now I have red, puffy eyes. Hopefully my coworkers won’t notice…and hopefully they don’t read my blog.

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68 Comments

Deb • December 2, 2008 at 10:03 am

That’s exactly why I am scared to get a 2nd cat. I had a friend go through the exact same thing as you. Cats are strange creatures.

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emi • December 2, 2008 at 10:09 am

my wonderful lovely sweet affectionate cat annie, couldn’t tolerate a new cat either. annie was scared of the new cat, and eventually pretty much ended up living upstairs in my parents bedroom for almost a year because she was scared to go downstairs. after about a year, there was a tentative truce, but annie wasn’t ever quite the same.

a few years later, the new cat died, and annie finally went mostly back to her old self.

so yeah, some cats are just people-cats, and don’t like other cats. now i know.

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PastaQueen • December 2, 2008 at 10:14 am

@emi – Yeah, Krupke has definitely been more agitated and difficult to live with since Java Bean came around. I think he’ll be nicer to be around when he’s at my mom’s.

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PastaQueen • December 2, 2008 at 10:15 am

@Deb – I’m glad I’m not the only one. That makes me feel a little better.

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Merry • December 2, 2008 at 10:23 am

But… won’t you then need to get another cat for JB so he doesn’t get lonely? Otherwise, he’ll be looking to play with you at 2 a.m., yes?

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Tami • December 2, 2008 at 10:31 am

I feel your pain.

Literally.

You learned faster than I did, though.

And you DO feel incredibly selfish when you have to make that call, even if you know it’s for the best of both the cat and for you.

Every situation is different and needs to be evaluated on its own merits, but I hear myself in this post, and I know exactly what you mean. Every time I tell someone that my grandparents have one of my old cats, I cringe, waiting for them to deliver judgment on me as a bad pet owner.

We tried again, and this time gave up early enough to return the cat to the adoption agency we got him from.

We are now very firmly a single-cat household. If he’s lonely, he’s sure not showing it to us. Whether we think he needs a companion to play with while we’re gone all day doesn’t matter. HE wants to be a single-cat, and we believe him now when he says so.

And you’re right on the affection. It’s like night and day, and you can love a cat that doesn’t love you back, but giving up the cat that DEFINITELY loves you back would be insanity.

If we could care for them all, we would.

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nolafwug • December 2, 2008 at 10:49 am

I think you did the right thing. My sister went through something similar. She took in the cat of a close friend who had died unexpectedly but the cat didn’t get along with my sister’s 5 other cats and after trying everything, she had to find Killer another home. Imagine the guilt. But what can you do?

I know for sure we couldn’t be anything other than a single-cat household. Legend has it our Sadie wouldn’t tolerate any other pets in the house with her (at her previous owners’) and that included dogs, other cats, and even her own kittens before she was fixed. She’s extremely aloof and unaffectionate but she grew up fighting a losing battle against those dogs so I guess I sympathize and somewhat identify with her as I tend to come off aloof myself. :)

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tutugirl1345 • December 2, 2008 at 10:58 am

You definitely shouldn’t feel bad. Some cats don’t like change- whether its a new pet, or a new house. One of my friends is constantly separating his cats because the older one doesn’t like the younger one. I hope Krupke likes your mom’s house! If you’re worried Java Bean might be lonely, it sounds like now would be a good time to get a second cat- so they effectively “grow up” together, and don’t resent one another.

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BrightAngel • December 2, 2008 at 11:00 am

Sharing my own experience in this area:

For the past five years I had two cats, who were sisters, two of four stray kittens who were born in my back yard. I will admit that Tashie, the dominant cat, was my favorite, and the reason I kept Boodie, was because she was Tashie’s favorite playmate, and I didn’t want Tashie to be lonely.

This spring, Tashie developed kidney disease and had to go to sleep. I deeply grieved, and considered getting another lovey cat, because Boodie has never been much into people. Boodie is timid, and runs and hides from everyone except me and my husband. She also avoids other cats, and after they grew up, Boodie didn’t even much like being around Tashie.

So, although I wanted another cat, I couldn’t do it to Boodie, and I have been rewarded in that this past year Boodie has become a bit more loving and secure now that she is the only cat. I’ve found that while Kittens are social, this is often not true of Cats.

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Tena • December 2, 2008 at 11:01 am

Don’t judge yourself so harshly! You were thinking of Krupke when you got JB and now you are still thinking of what’s best for him. You could never have known how the new kitty would affect him.

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shawna • December 2, 2008 at 11:06 am

I had a similar thing happen with my dogs. I had one lovely, overly energetic puppy who I thought needed a friend. So, I went out and adopted another dog for him. My second dog Cocoa had come from a home where most of the interaction she had was with cats and when she was around people, they abused her. She had issues. I gave it two years, and she got 95% better, but in the end she couldn’t get along with some of the family dogs. After a ton of training, dog behaviorists, dog psychologists (yes, I tried everything), I finally decided she would be best off as an only dog. So she went off to live with my best friend.

Don’t feel guilty. You have to do what is best for you. I did, and it’s been six months now. My dog is happier, Cocoa is happier, and I have significantly less stress in my life. I don’t feel guilty anymore because my friend loves Cocoa so much and I know that she is in a good home where she will never have to worry about her safety again.

The important thing is that you found a place for Officer Krupke to be safe and happy. Pets are sort of like boyfriends … some of them you stay with because it’s familiar, and every once in a while you find one who was meant to be your furry soulmate, lol.

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Dawn • December 2, 2008 at 11:29 am

I know it was a tough decision but I really think it’s good you decided to make the change and give up Krupke now and not wait. I can tell you suffering through it for years and years isn’t the answer for you or the cats. I know from experience. When my husband came to live with me and my cat he brought 3 cats with him. His one cat terrorized my poor baby for years. I felt terrible for her. She practically lived in our bedroom for 4 whole years. After she passed away after 17 yrs I was crushed and so what do I do, I go out and get another cat that looked just like her. Guess what, my new kitty was terrorized too. But I let her keep her claws (hubby talked me into having my old baby declawed because his 3 were). So at least my new baby can defend herself. Boy was that long winded lol.

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Joan • December 2, 2008 at 11:41 am

I thought I was so smart getting a boy kitten and a girl kitten from the same litter so that they could keep each other company. Four years on, and they just do not like each other. Now what do I do?

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nicole • December 2, 2008 at 11:58 am

oh no! I know how sad leaving your kitty behind is. I didn’t go through the same thing exactly but my husband and I adopted a new kitty and after 6 mo’s she adopted someone else! Cats are fickle creatures. But it does work sometimes, last year we decided to brave adopting a new kitten and success! They now sit around “making out” all day (I know its just grooming but its soo cute!) and just are totally smitten with each other.

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Amy • December 2, 2008 at 12:17 pm

I am so lucky that our 3 cats get along fairly well (although our older two still regard the youngest with a fair amount of hostility – I don’t think they really understand her kitten energy) – that is such a hard decision to make! (And you are definitely not a bad person. It’s not like it was human children, right?)

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s • December 2, 2008 at 12:31 pm

don’t feel bad … my cat does not play well with others either (uh, literally). if i had a second cat i would definitely have to figure something else out.

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Denise • December 2, 2008 at 12:39 pm

I went through much the same thing you did, with my original (now 14 year old) cat Dave. I brought Abby (now 9 years old) home when she was 9 months so that he would have company while I was traveling. They tried to kill each other for about four months and then settled into a detente that has lasted ever since. Unfortunately, however, both Dave and Abby are now united in their hatred of my new husband’s cats, Harry and Sally (3 years old)…it’s constant feline warfare in my house.

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Madison • December 2, 2008 at 12:40 pm

wow i didn’t know that about cats. i’m so sorry!!! that would be nice if they would just get along =(

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Rachie • December 2, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Oh, I always liked Officer Krupke. Mostly because of his name, I’ll admit. But I’m sure he’ll be happy at your mom’s house. And at least now you know that it’s best to only have one cat at a time unless you know without a doubt they like being with other cats. Sadly, I’ve heard more stories like this than of successful integrations. But what you’re doing is for the best. And, after all, it’s not like Krupke is dying–you can go visit him whenever you want. So don’t feel too guilty. You’re doing what’s best for everyone.

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Miche • December 2, 2008 at 1:14 pm

We have a dog/cat household – cat came wayyy first, and was suitably P.O.’d by dog’s presence. A year and a half later, we got lucky – cat has mellowed out immeasureably, but so has dog. Still, I think you did the right thing. Good fortune that your Mom has space and the willingness to take your cat! That’s a potential win-win-win-win situation for your Mom, the cat, and Krupke, as well as you! I’m sure it will all work out and you’ll feel better about it eventually.

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Gwendolyn • December 2, 2008 at 1:39 pm

Don’t feel guilty, it’s best for him to live somewhere without the stress and it will be good for your mom’s health to have a cat around!

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Jennifer • December 2, 2008 at 2:04 pm

I feel your pain. I have 2 cats. My fiance has 2 cats. All male. We introduced them in March on a weekend where we were going to be hanging out there doing nothing so we could supervise. There were power struggles. Eventually they all had to go live at my fiance’s apt – long story. Power shifted – and through all that they have really learned to be friends. My 2 are still closer with each other as are his 2. We separated them when we weren’t there for a few months. Now there are still times where fights break out – but it is more of the sibling rivalry than the “i hate you and am going to hiss at you’ variety. I don’t know what it is that makes them co-exist or not. Don’t be sad – your world will be more peaceful and they will both be more relaxed…Good luck!

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Cheryl in AL • December 2, 2008 at 2:05 pm

I live in a three cat household. They have been with us 10 years, 8 years, and 1 year. The first cat is very aloof. She is my husbands cat. She will only really let him pet her. When we got the second cat it was a little traumatic for the first one, but she settled down when she realized that she was still dominate. They became good companions for each other and give each other exercise. Last Christmas I got a new cat. (major impulse buy) She is a sweetie but my other two cats haven’t totally forgiven us for bringing her in. It got better as the month went on but we still get some hissing.

Having to make that decision had to be tough but rest assured in knowing that you made the best decisions for your safety and theirs as well.

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Thumper • December 2, 2008 at 2:14 pm

I am a total cat person, I can’t imagine ever giving up either of my kitties (and they don’t much like each other, but they’ve managed a separate peace)…but I get where you’re coming from. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. It’s not like you’re kicking one cat out the front door–you have a good home for him, with someone familiar, and by letting this particular cat go you’re sparing him what could eventually become your resentment.

No cat deserves even mild resentment…and it would be perfectly natural to *feel* that resentment. You’re doing the right thing. You might miss the kitty, but you’re doing the right thing. And your mom will benefit from furball fun, too. So even though it might sting for a bit…in the end, everyone wins.

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jkd • December 2, 2008 at 2:26 pm

As many do, I feel your pain. My ex and I had a brother-sister pair of cats and introduced a kitten to the household when they were 2 years old. Brother and kitten loved each other right away, but sister hated kitten on sight, and the two of them fought daily and waged occasional pee wars for the next 6 years. When ex and I split, sister went with him, and the brother & kitten (now almost 15 and 13) live together in lazy, snoring bliss.

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Yet Another Jenny • December 2, 2008 at 2:26 pm

Hey, kudos to you for valuing your quality of life (and your cats’!) enough to take decisive action. Kudos too to your mom for taking in a new pet! Thinking of you during this tough week. I’m looking forward to Christmas Eve, when I get to start devouring your book! (Er, maybe devour isn’t quite the right word, but you get the idea.)

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Alexia • December 2, 2008 at 2:33 pm

Hang in there. I had to make a hard decision about finding a pet another home and felt guilty as hell, but it was for the best all around. Officer Krupke’s getting a home, so it’s not like you are abandoning him by the side of the road — you are doing right by him. JavaBean is keeping a home. You are keeping an affectionate kitty who will give you lots of love.

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jennywenny • December 2, 2008 at 3:26 pm

Oh dear, you poor thing. My cat comes from a house full of cats where she was totally miserable and awful to the other cats, she loves living with us and ruling the roost! Thanks for reminding me that she wouldnt be better off with a companion and is just fine with us. Although she seems to attract quite a few visitors!

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Esmeralda • December 2, 2008 at 3:28 pm

The only reason my cat Quan has not killed or maimed the new cat Dimitri is because the new cat is an indoor-outdoor cat, and he spends most of his time outside. Inside is far too boring for him. Quan can’t stand going out there, there’s way too much going on and she just wants to nap and be left alone.

People told me they would learn to get along.

It’s been 2 years now, and it’s about the same level of agression that it’s always been.

If I had a mom to dump one of my cats on I might very possibly do just that. At times it’s intolerable (and by times I meat 3am)

You did the right thing I think.

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still reading • December 2, 2008 at 3:50 pm

I would be crying too, what a tough decision! Introducing a new cat to an old cat is always hard. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Sounds like you have found the perfect solution for all of you. When they draw blood, it is time for a new plan. You will still be giving love to the Officer when you visit mom, and the Bean will have your undivided attention when you are at home. Just expect that he will want A LOT of attention because he has no one else to torment. Providing two cats with loving homes that are the best for everyone is a wonderful thing to do.

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Lindsey • December 2, 2008 at 5:49 pm

You are doing the right thing. Some cats cannot get along. I have 2 cats, Max and Simon, and my mom had 2 cats, Romeo and Ali, when I moved home with her. Max and Romeo were passive and fine and mostly just ignored each other. The other two – Simon and Ali, however, started a full out war, lasting the entire 2 years they lived together. The tides changed during the war – at first Simon was terrified and Ali played attack cat, but then Simon realized he had claws and was younger (it took a full year for him to realize this because he is such a wimp), and then he started attacking Ali. The hissing, growling, and chasing was fairly constant until I moved out with my cats.

Now Ali is an only cat because Romeo died (kidney failure), and she’s in heaven on earth. She loves being the only cat. She used to hide from us and shy away from people, but now she lounges around, comes when you call her, and wants to sit as close to you as possible. Some cats are meant to be only’s. I’m sure officer krupke will be happy at your mom’s – she will love him and give him attention and you can visit.

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emi • December 2, 2008 at 6:10 pm

@PastaQueen – I agree. As much as it sucks to feel like you’re replacing Krupke w/ Java Bean, Krupke will probably be happier at your mom’s place.

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Monica • December 2, 2008 at 6:30 pm

Ouch. Three months doesn’t seem like enough time, but what do I know?

And to think that last year you were commenting on Hopeful Loser’s site that if your cat died you’d be devastated…

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s • December 2, 2008 at 6:36 pm

you are doing a great thing by giving officer krupke to your mom instead of to a shelter. the cats will both have nice homes and you can always go hang out with mr. krupke! plus who doesn’t love having a cat around? :)

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s • December 2, 2008 at 6:37 pm

oops, i commented twice today (now three). oh welll.

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Kari • December 2, 2008 at 7:57 pm

Don’t blame yourself, and don’t feel guilty…sometimes there just isn’t anything you can do. It sounds as if you have truly tried everything and exhausted all options. Sometimes animals are just “loner” animals. Our vet was totally convinced that adding Cocoa to our household would make Bean, our first dog who has mega separation anxiety, more comfortable and less nervous…nope, he’s still nervous, and he drives her crazy. Luckily they are in crates when we are not home so on the rare occasions that it comes to “blows” we are here so we can separate it pretty much immediately.

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Lydia • December 2, 2008 at 8:50 pm

We had a cat who had a kitten, and we kept the kitten, thinking they would love each other and be like mother-and-daughter/wonderful friends. Nope. It was like that mother-daughter relationship in “Postcards from the Edge.” They fought a lot. My sweet, tiny cat (mom) became mean and hateful and territorial. It was terrible. Then later, after living to a ripe old age, she died, and life became easier for everyone.

You did your best. You shouldn’t worry about it. The cats themselves will remember it for about — well, probably not even a second.

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Lydia • December 2, 2008 at 8:51 pm

We had a cat who had a kitten, and we kept the kitten, thinking they would love each other and be like mother-and-daughter/wonderful friends. Nope. It was like that mother-daughter relationship in “Postcards from the Edge.” They fought a lot. My sweet, tiny cat (mom) became mean and hateful and territorial. It was terrible. Then later, after living to a ripe old age, she died, and life became easier for everyone.

You did your best. You shouldn’t worry about it. The cats themselves will remember it for about — well, probably not even a second.

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anji • December 2, 2008 at 8:54 pm

When Martin and I moved in together, we each had a cat. Mine was an older cat and his, a much younger siamese. The sounds *MY* cat made, were horrific. They would have killed each other on numerous occassions, if they didn’t have an intervention by me, martin or the dog. Seriously, my dog was a god-send who would automatically go separate them and our quality of life increased.

It however, NEVER went away. For almost three years and a bit, not a day went by without a fight. We both loved our cats too much to do anything about it. It drove me nuts some days, literally. I was at my wits end. If my mom could have took my cat, she would have but it wasn’t an option. Martin’s parents will NEVER allow animals into their house.

So… one day, about a year and a half ago, they stopped fighting. There was still the odd growl and hiss but my cat was too sick to fight and the other one knew. We moved into a bigger house and could separate the cats better. We had two litter boxes (one in the basement, one in the office room) and we’d simply just close the door when we left…. it worked, it wasn’t great but, we had no choice.

You are not a cold hearted cat-giver-upper. You did what was best, for ALL of you. Krupke doesn’t mind your mom’s place I bet and he’ll love all that attention now. And your kitty will one day (maybe) grow out of his crazy kitty phase. But, until that day – you can relax a little bit. There was no harm done to any of the cats, so don’t stress about it.

And, yes – it’s dangerous being in the middle of a cat fight. I’ve got the scars to prove it…. Don’t cry! Everyone is happier in the end and it ain’t selfish :) Just give Krupke an extra hug when you go visit him :)

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anji • December 2, 2008 at 8:55 pm

P.S. The dog never got hurt breakin’ up the fights. The siamese was too scared of her, he’d go running any time she entered a room! Just so y’all don’t think we were getting the dog hurt!

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Andrea • December 2, 2008 at 9:02 pm

I went through something similar lately. We have always had cats in pairs and they seemed to do better that way. Because my mom died, we suddenly had three cats (our two from various sources, plus Mom’s). It was bearable, but only because one cat refused to leave the bedroom. Nothing we did would make them get along. It was like living in an armed camp for a year and a half.

A couple of months ago, in the aftermath of a hurricane, one of the first two cats went missing; she just walked out of the house and never came back. I still feel horrible about it. We still miss her. She was the sweetest cat ever and I never dreamed she would be brave enough to wander off.

The ironic horror is that the other two cats now get along much better. The new guy is out of the bedroom and the other one tolerates him. It’s weird. I can’t even be thankful for it, because of the guilt I feel over the other cat.

Anyway, I can completely understand what you’re saying. And I think it’s great that your mom will take Krupke, who will be happier alone.

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PastaQueen • December 2, 2008 at 9:07 pm

@Monica – Well, thanks for not being passive-aggressively shitty about. Oh, wait a minute…was I just passive-aggressively shitty to you?

Next time try phrasing your comment like this: “Hey PQ, I’d like to propose you give it at least another month. You’ve expressed a deep attachment to Krupke in the past. Perhaps he’s worth the extra time.” See? Same sentiment minus the ‘tude. It’s not preachy or demanding either. It goes over far better.

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cindy • December 2, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Hi PQ,

You “pet people” are just strange. I cannot get all emotional over a dog, let alone a cat. And you are the human, so do what makes you happy/comfortable without guilt (which is a wasted emotion). You have to take care of yourself first. Everyone should. The world would be a better place if that was the expectation… It is not as though you are throwing him out with the garbage—he is going to live with your mother—YOUR MOTHER!!! And she raised you so she must be a wonderful person. You are doing the responsible thing and animal and owner will be better off this way. No more crying.

Hey, maybe all the worrying over the cats is the source of your head ache! Maybe it will go away when the cat moves to your mom’s. We can only hope!

Chin up!

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Katie • December 2, 2008 at 9:55 pm

Oh PQ! I know I would probably be feeling the same way, but no way have you “essentially replaced your cat”. Don’t guilt yourself that way! It’s not like you were like, “Officer K., you’d better shape up or I’m going to trade up to a newer model”. You are doing the best possible thing by letting him move in with your mom. You know he won’t be feeling put out – he’ll just be much, much happier being an only kitty again. And you can still visit the little snot even if he won’t give you the time of day, cat’s cat that he is.

I’ve been fostering a real dog of a cat lately (meets me at the door every night, follows me around, sits in my lap, drinks out of the toilet (really)), and I really love having such an interactive, affectionate kitty around. He’s really influenced my opinion of catkind.

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Katie • December 2, 2008 at 10:03 pm

And good luck tomorrow, whatever it brings. I’ll be thinking of you out here in internet land!

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Nonymouse • December 2, 2008 at 10:10 pm

[Warning: comment contains @#$! and whining]

Huh.

At least your @#$! company goes ahead and @#$! tells you they’re going to be laying people off. My company practices stealth layoffs.

My manager told me that layoffs were going on today, but he didn’t know who was being laid off and I wasn’t to discuss it. All day long you could see people walking by, checking to see who was still employed and who was missing.

@#$! management. Yes, I still have a job, this was one @#$! stressful day. And if I put this rant on my blog, Big Brother would think I was being a Bad Employee.

[End of @#$! whining.]

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Charity • December 2, 2008 at 10:55 pm

Aw, Jennette, that’s so sad. But really, it’s really a good thing you’re doing for Krupke. Now he won’t be tortured by this new small being.

We adopted our cats together from the same foster home, and we’re pretty sure they’re littermates too. I think that’s key. They love each other. Sure, they wrassle and chase each other around, but it’s just for sport. Not to maim!

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Heather • December 2, 2008 at 11:05 pm

I’m sorry about your kitty sitch. Same thing happened to me, older cat/new kitten for company thing. Bed shaking fights, growling and yowling through the apartment..the whole shebang. It didn’t end until I got ANOTHER cat that was close to little sister’s age. Now the little one leaves my old girl (mostly) alone. I don’t suggest the getting another cat thing, but fewer fur clumps on the carpet! Truth be told, I kinda liked the kitten better…I can empathize with the guilt you feel. I think you did what was best for your best boy-in-uniform, though, and he”ll appreciate the quiet. Just visit him lots, and bring treats!

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Ang • December 2, 2008 at 11:15 pm

Aww! I’m sorry you have to make this decision! I understand, though. We had a very mean cat who we loved dearly but who didn’t especially like us and was scared of our other cat. She was always hiding on top of the china cabinet. It was a crappy situation because we always felt a little sorry for the mean cat. Pets are supposed to bring joy, not stress and anxiety. The tension went on for 12 years, and then the nice cat died. The mean cat lived to be 21, so at least she enjoyed plenty of years without the aggravation of the other cat. I’m glad you can find a happier situation for your kitty, and especially glad he will still be in the family.

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Sara • December 2, 2008 at 11:17 pm

I’m sorry, PQ–Sophie’s choice, eh?

Our two cats are best buddies–they weren’t litter mates, but were cell mates at the animal shelter and a trip to buy one cat ended up with a homecoming for the two since it seemed criminal to split up the two fuzzballs curled up in the medium sized salad bowl that was their comfy bed. The 2-for-1 cat sale they were having that week didn’t hurt either…

8 years later they’re still sisters–they wrestle and plot separately to capture the other’s elusively twitching tail, but at the end of the day they curl up together and make sure their respective ears are licked clean.

When we brought home the puppy 7 months ago, we hoped they’d all be fast friends and we’d be able to fill our photo frames with adorable scenes of interspecies snuggling. No such luck. The cats remain united in their hatred for their canine sister–who only wants to be their friend, dropping her toys through the permanently installed gate that separates Dogland from Catopia and taking their swats to her muzzle as good natured love-pats. Maybe someday there will be peace between their two nations…

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Debbie • December 2, 2008 at 11:18 pm

I’m sad for you. There are sweet, lovey cats and then there are those that are like this one…..

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat-while the other inmates and I are fed

hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for

the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to

keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of

escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made

condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.

I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard

that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what

this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my

tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must

try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be

more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

By the way, I just got six beautiful personalized Christmas ornaments from the company your recommended, Santasornamentshop.com. They are GORGEOUS!! The people there were so nice! The lady I spoke with was the one who met you at some kind of blogging event and was very appreciative that you had recommended them. THANKS!

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Andy L • December 3, 2008 at 12:21 am

Awww, sorry you have to move him over to your mamas, but hey – he’s at yo’ mama’s house! It’ll be FINE! You are good to recognize when enough is enough for you all.

Now if only I could find that advent calendar…

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Jennifer • December 3, 2008 at 12:21 am

We have 3 now. We had 2 for 10 years, and after the older one died we got a younger male “replacement”. My older female tried to kill the younger male! Around 3 months, it was like her brain shifted. I think the cat phermones really settled her, because as soon as I got them (the plug in kind), she changed. If that hadn’t worked, I don’t know what we would have done.

A year later, we added yet another! This time a 10 week old kitten! (for my children) because all kittens will submit to the older cats! Right?

Wrong. Guess what little tyrant rules the house? Luckily my older two just kind of let him have his way, so there’s no fighting. But he does chase them. He’s an ahole.

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Rene • December 3, 2008 at 12:29 am

Don’t feel bad. You’re getting Krupke a good home with your mom. He’ll be fine, you and Java will be fine and everyone will be all the better for it! Your not so much giving him up as you are giving him to a better home where you can still go visit him.

Pets are awesome and funny and their different and unique personalities is what makes them so interesting. But sometimes they don’t get along and in that instance you just need to do the best you can. This is a very compassionate and caring decision you made for Krupke.

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QueenB • December 3, 2008 at 12:38 am

Well PQ, I’m glad to know that you still have your job! Though, if blogging might tip you off the cliff into unemployment canyon…well, be careful.

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Lindsey • December 3, 2008 at 1:23 am

Hey, I just had an idea. I’m wondering if you can give Officer Krupke a reprieve at your mom’s house until the little one gets through the first 1.5 – 2 year stage of craziness (this is when my boys calmed down and stopped breaking things) and then try a re-introduction? Then this is only temporary… unless Officer Krupke completely blossoms at your mom’s, in which case you could try for new kitten #2.

… it’s a good thing I have a small apartment or I would continuously bring home cats.

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Monica • December 3, 2008 at 3:06 am

@PastaQueen – I appreciate you telling me how to phrase my replies, thanks for the help.

I did not exactly feel like sugarcoating it, so I’m sorry if you were expecting a pat on the back and didn’t get it.

For many people pets become disposable at the slightest inconvenience, and it seems you chose the easy way out. I know he’s not going to a shelter, but still, it seems like 3 months is a very short time to decide whether to get rid of it in favour of the “better” cat.

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sb • December 3, 2008 at 4:54 am

@Monica – Huh… based on this post and a number of her previous posts about her babies, I never would have categorized PQ as one of the people who thinks “pets become disposable at the slightest inconvenience”.

I am a vegetarian and major pet lover, so I am pretty sensitive to that behavior myself. However, I think it’s important to look at a the whole picture of a person’s behavior before lumping them into the “pet-deserter-asshole” category.

If you’re trying to encourage people to be responsible pet owners, it would be a better use of your energy to save your indignation for the actual offenders.

And by the way, where do you get the ” it seems you chose the easy way out.” opinion? She didn’t dump Krupke in the woods! PQ found a loving, safe home for him, where she can continue to see him and shower him with love regularly… sheesh!

If everyone was as responsible with their pets as PQ, the world would be a better place for all pets!

And finally… PQ, I see now that you truly are a benevolent ruler of your blog. I would not have been nice enough to publish such rude comments, if this were my blog-iverse.

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hoosiermeeshee • December 3, 2008 at 6:27 am

I completely understand. I had a similar situation, but figured it out.

I have two cats from the same litter. At some point they started fighting, and making sounds where I truly thought they were killing each other. I was really worried because I was finding “battle wounds.” However, I was confused, because they also cuddle and bathe each other. I thought Jack, the boy, was the aggressor. Then I started to notice that sometimes Peach, the girl, egged him on by pouncing on him, batting at him, etc. when he was minding his own business.

Since I didn’t have any options for alternative living arrangements, I ended up getting their front paws declawed, which I never thought I’d do. They still fight like that, but now they can’t hurt each other nearly as bad.

Also, I truly think that for my cats it’s a game.

You’ve probably reached the best solution for you. Good luck!

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Mrs. Thighs • December 3, 2008 at 7:08 am

Oh, PQ!

I lurk here often and you are NOT a bad person! You’re doing what’s best for all three of you — and you found your kitty a new, loving home. You’d be a bad person if you just dumped him out into the street … which you didn’t.

Sometimes it just doesn’t work out with cats. After our Dusty died, we tried to find a new friend for our Maya. We brought home Delilah from the vet’s … and she turned out to be a big bitch! She terrorized Maya, who’s very timid anyway, and ripped out Maya’s fur. Delilah then sprayed all over the place – including on me! I’d never known female cats can spray, but yeah, they will if they feel they need too.

Needless to say, we returned Delilah to the vet after only a week. We weren’t nearly as patient as you! But she ended up in a home with lots of kids and where she was the only cat, so she now gets tons of affection without the competition. And Maya is happier, too. My husband wants to get another kitten, but I’m not so sure.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this, as I can relate to how difficult it is. But I think it’s great that you’re keeping Krupke in the family and can now enjoy Java’s love.

Good luck to you.

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Pam • December 3, 2008 at 7:45 am

Yeah, you feel terrible, but don’t. It’s probably for the best. Your Mom knows Krupke, Krupke knows your Mom, and I’m betting it will be a good thing for your Mom too. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you need a cat until you get a cat.

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ToyLady • December 3, 2008 at 8:12 am

Jennette, I so feel for you. A few months back, we brought a dog into the house. Not to replace the cat – more to “supplement” her. My husband was home during the day, and my son had moved out, so we thought this would be the perfect time for an addition to the family.

I grew up with dogs and cats together (one or two of each at any given time) and siblings (3), and we NEVER had any kind of problems with any of the cats or the dogs. (The younger brothers – well, that’s a different story!)

So we adopted the cutest, most charming 6-month old lab-newfoundland mix from the shelter.

Can you see where this is heading?

The cat hates him. HATES him. In a “I will KILL you TO DEATH” way. Nothing, so far, has helped – including one incident where I got between the curious puppy and the enormously offended (read – pissed off) kitty and ended up in the emergency room.

The cat has since resided essentially in the basement. She seems content enough, but . . . it breaks my heart. We do everything we can to make her comfortable, including regular visitation and plenty of affection, but, well, it’s the basement.

And we’ve grown to love the dog, as well, and I can’t imagine having to choose between them.

*sniff*

You (and Officer Krupke) are so fortunate that your mom can provide a home where he can be an only child again. . .

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Olivia • December 3, 2008 at 8:43 am

My experience is that cats (and dogs) don’t really get lonely for another of their kind. They are fine with their quiet time while their humans are gone and prefer undivided attention when we are home.

I brought home a second cat 6 years ago and the two still don’t get along. The younger (and more affectionate) one still chases the older sometimes and it just ticks her off. Fortunately, it’s just a little hissing and not major fight. But they do not cuddle with each other, ever. Maybe cat friendships can form if you adopt two kittens at once and they grow up together, but getting them seperately, years apart doesn’t seem to work.

I’m sure Officer Krupke will be very happy to move to a peaceful “retirement home”.

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(just) jenny • December 3, 2008 at 9:24 am

@(just) jenny – Take comfort, you are doing the right thing! I spent 2 years living with a roommate whose kitty, Marie, and mine, Desdemona, had regular deathmatches. Actually, my cat was far worse to hers – she would launch surprise attacks on her. Which resulted in howling and cats flying back and forth through a smallish apartment. As well as unexpected urinary accidents (ughhhhh). Poor Marie was indeed a fraidy cat.

The best thing you can do is ease the stress on your kitty. You found him a new home, you know your mom give good care, and he will be out of a threatening, stressful environment. AND you still get to see him when you visit. I dunno, it seems like a WIN-WIN situation to me.

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Star • December 4, 2008 at 2:59 pm

You know it took about 6 months for my cats to like each other and now they love eachother like brothers (which means they fight sometimes but so be it). It also took one of my cats over a year to get used to my 1st dog and now I catch them sometimes with one using the other as a pillow. So you just have to be patient and understand that they will work it out and come to realize that Java means no harm and its not the cold mean streets anymore. And on the plus side it might be a learning curve for Java if he ever gets out you dont want him to think he can go up to those scary mean Tom cats (one actually put a puncture hole in my oldest cat costing us over $300 in vet bills) and think he can play with them. Good Luck.

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Deb • December 8, 2008 at 9:41 pm

@Deb – additional comment I want to add in light of your most recent post indicating you hope we don’t just write what we think will please you. I still say that this story is why I am afraid to get another cat. I would never want to be in the position to get rid of my pet. Ever. And I do have a friend who was in the same situation as you. And like you, she wanted to rehome her original cat instead of the new one. Well,…that bugs me. I understand your reason: you don’t want anyone to get hurt. But I think Java Bean should have been the one who was re-homed, not Krupke.

Krupke has been with you loyally and Java Bean is new kid on the block. I couldn’t understand my friend’s decision and I don’t understand this one. To me it seems very disloyal. Kind of like the middle-aged man who ditches his middle-aged wife for a newer, cuter, more affectionate model. Kinda says something about a person who does such things.

That’s just my $0.02, the full $0.02, not the editied down version.

Why did I edit my opinion in the first place? No, I am not afraid of the “fascist regime”. It’s that I tend to get very judgmental about all things pet-related and wanted to be careful not to offend either you or some other reader out there. And while I was horrified that it would even cross your mind to get rid of Krupke, it’s not like you were going to take him to the pound or throw him in a dumpster so I figured I would just shut my pie-hole and support you as I am sure it wasn’t an easy decision.

But since you said in today’s post that you “like to examine the uncomfortable truths of life”, I thought I’d say what I wanted to say originally. Although I do realize that what I say is not necessarily “truth” to anyone but myself.

All this said, I am glad, obviously, that you decided to keep Krupke.

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PastaQueen • December 8, 2008 at 9:45 pm

@Deb – My mom said she wouldn’t be able to handle Java Bean because he has too much energy. Krupke is old and naps a lot and was all she was willing to handle. I wouldn’t trust to give my cats to anyone outside my family, and she was the only one willing to adopt, so Krupke it was (with other variables being a factor as well).

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Jessica • December 19, 2008 at 8:52 am

Hi, I am new to your blog as of yesterday and have been poking around a bit. I love it and hope you don’t mind if I set up camp! ;)

I have an 11 year old kitty Misty, nicknamed Catzilla by her vets office. She does NOT play well with others. It usually takes cats about 6 months to get acclimated, but she has refused ALL attempts. She knocked the snot out of my dad’s poor kitty, but after a year they just glared at each other from across the room. They had their own litter boxes at opposite ends of the house and were fed separately to keep the battles down to a minimum. She is much happier now that I am married and she is the only furbaby.

Our winter resident showed up yesterday and has her all in a huff again! Mr Green Anole shows up in our apartment every winter and suns himself daily on the safe bar to our sliding glass doors. He likes to taunt her by wagging his tail over the edge!

Anyhoo, I could NEVER part with my grumpy kitty, cause she’s my girl!

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

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