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Choke on this

On Tuesday, June 17, 2008, we will be replacing the deck to your building. Please make the necessary arrangements to have the things you need that day from your apartment. We apologize for the inconvenience and ask for your patience as we make PASTAQUEEN’s PALACE a beautiful place to live.

Respectfully,

Community Manager

Well, I’m glad they stuck this note in my door before I stepped out my front door and plummeted to my death on Nice-Neighbor-Bill’s front stoop. Sometimes I think of the most likely ways I might die now that I live a relatively healthy life and heart disease is off the list. Choking to death is always at the top of my list.

Living alone, there have been several times when a clump of food has gone down the wrong way and I’ve momentarily wondered if I’m going to suffocate in my living room. My fate would depend on whether I could figure out how to do the Heimlich maneuver on a chair or if any of my neighbors were home and could figure out what I was trying to communicate as I pounded on their doors and wildly clutched my throat. I figure I would either choke to death on something ironically healthy, like a sushi roll, and you all would sadly murmur, “Looks like healthy eating killed her after all.” Or I would choke on something I shouldn’t be eating at all, like an oversized cinnamon roll, and you all would sadly murmur, “What was she doing eating that anyway?”

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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28 Comments

Helen • June 17, 2008 at 8:38 am

I’ve thought about the choking thing a lot since I eat alone a lot too. In fact, I was thinking about it just this morning while eating a giant cinnamon roll.

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Olivia • June 17, 2008 at 8:43 am

When I lived alone I worried about slipping in the shower (which I did a couple of times, but was okay) and cracking my head open. How many days would it take before my co-workers came to check on me and found me lying naked and wet on the floor? I became obsessed with good quality bath mats.

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susan • June 17, 2008 at 9:27 am

PQ ~ you’ll have to teach your cat to dial 911. he’ll be a hero!

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Laura • June 17, 2008 at 9:49 am

Today at the doctor’s office, they asked on the form what my living arrangement was. I assume it was for just this purpose: so if something goes wrong with whatever medicine they give me, and they know I live alone, maybe they’ll check on me?

I think that’s probably too much to ask though.

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Jesse • June 17, 2008 at 10:38 am

Hee. You can do the self-heimlich! Kind of punch yourself in the right spot, or use the corner of a table or couch to give yourself a sudden shock. Assuming you have enough oxygen to try :)

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Red • June 17, 2008 at 11:02 am

I have the same fear about choking ever since I saw the 30 Rock where Liz has a nightmare that she’s choking and there’s nobody around.

Horrifying.

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Sonya • June 17, 2008 at 11:22 am

LOL! I had the flu so bad one year that I laid in bed thinking, “I don’t want to die like this” and then cringing at all the things my mother would find when she came to clean out my house.

I have a pact with another single friend at work that if either one of us does not show up for work or call in that we will immediately go check on them. I agree with Susan that teaching Officer Krupke to dial 911 is a grand idea!

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Becky • June 17, 2008 at 11:39 am

I very nearly choked while home alone once. All I can suggest is NEVER watch Denis Leary while eating.

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Sheila • June 17, 2008 at 12:16 pm

I had just read this post of yours and then on another blog found a link to this article: http://www.rd.com/advice-and-know-how/save-your-own-life/article58778.html

It made me laugh that it includes advice on how to give yourself the heimlich.

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Jill • June 17, 2008 at 1:02 pm

I was just wondering, has nice-neighbor-Bill read your book? Does he know that he was nearly killed by a falling 2 liter??

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Andrew is getting fit • June 17, 2008 at 2:11 pm

Death by cinnamon roll, what a nice way to go.

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Carolina Girl • June 17, 2008 at 2:16 pm

That is hilarious! I’ve thought that many times.

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anonymous boxer • June 17, 2008 at 2:36 pm

the minute you wrote a book on dieting you were screwed. I’m just waiting for people to follow you around the grocery store.

:-)

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scone • June 17, 2008 at 2:47 pm

Nah, The PQ blog is a WMD, because we could all die laughing at your hilarious posts! ;)

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susan • June 17, 2008 at 4:58 pm

There’s a hilarious Sex and the City episode about this – Miranda chokes on some Chinese food and then has a single girl rant about dying and being found days later, partially eaten by her cat.

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Laura Brandon • June 17, 2008 at 5:21 pm

did you ever see that episode of sex and the city where miranda choked on chinese takeout while watching hard copy? then she has a panic attack because she thinks she’s going to die alone. i think we’ve all been there.

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Daewood • June 17, 2008 at 6:48 pm

Jennette:

Please tell us how you’re feeling now-did the headache abate?

Have you ever tried tylenol with codeine-yeah, i know it’s a narcotic but you had serious pain there.

Good for you to keep on with your new way of living despite the pain.

You are so witty,upbeat and strong.

and hey, you’re awfully pretty too!

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Daewood • June 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm

Jennette:

Please tell us how you’re feeling now-did the headache abate?

Have you ever tried tylenol with codeine-yeah, i know it’s a narcotic but you had serious pain there.

Good for you to keep on with your new way of living despite the pain.

You are so witty,upbeat and strong.

and hey, you’re awfully pretty too!

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karen • June 17, 2008 at 7:11 pm

I don’t live alone – not for 29 years, but there have been times when hubby has been away and I eat alone. I guess if he couldn’t get me on the phone for a day or so he’d send somebody to check – and we don’t have pets so I wouldn’t be eaten by anything in the meantime. :)

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JourneyGirl • June 17, 2008 at 8:46 pm

I too have a fear of choking, but more so someone else choking around me and not knowing what to do. My biggest fear would have to be falling downstairs when I’m alone.

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Princess Dieter • June 18, 2008 at 7:45 am

Oh, man. I am not alone in this “choking fear!” I worry every time hubby goes out of town–will I choken when eating all by myself.

I gotta practice that self-heimlich! :)

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Nicole • June 18, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Jump up and down. That worked for me when I almost chocked to death once.

I was eating steak w/ my family, and a big ol’ chunk got lodged in my throat so I wouldn’t breath at all or cry for help. So I leapt up from my chair and I started jumping up and down to alert my family, and I was pounding on my dad’s arm, hoping he’d get the drift already and heimlich me… But lo and behiold, before he could rise from his seat, that mean nasty steak came shooting out of my mouth. Apparently by jumping up and down, you create pressure in your stomach and it forces the food out of your airway. So if you ever do find yourself in a choking dilemma and can’t figure out the heimlich, start hopping.

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Ruthie • June 18, 2008 at 8:58 pm

OMG! I’ve never though of that. Too funny about the note, though. Stumbled across your blog via Blogcatalog. Wow, you are inspiration! And congrats on your book, I’ll definitely have to check that one out. I’m always looking for books to post about on my blog.

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asithi • June 19, 2008 at 12:53 pm

That is why it is important for me to learn to chew my food throughly and to not speak when I have something in my mouth. I doubt it my demise would be from choking.

It think it would probably be from slipping on the showers. And yet, I cannot get myself to put some non-stick shower pads on the bottom of the tub. I just hate how ugly they look and how hard it is to clean compare to a tub.

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VerseFameBeauty • June 19, 2008 at 6:12 pm

I never worried that much about choking (I’ve heard it’s fairly easy to give yourself the Heimlich maneuver– friend of mine once did it using a roll of paper towels against a chair) but once when I lived alone a couple years ago I went outside to take out the trash, slipped in the pouring rain on the wet porch step, and went sprawling on my back. I gashed my leg pretty bad but thankfully didn’t really get hurt; but even as I was falling all I could think was ‘Omigod how long will it take them to find me if I break my leg/back?!’

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Nina • June 24, 2008 at 1:39 am

Ironically, I almost choked to death on a vitamin capsule! It got stuck half way down my throat and then opened up, the powder inside puffed out my nose, yuck! My throat was sore for a couple days!

I try to be less cavalier about knocking back a handful of suppliments now! Much more water gets drunk in the swallowing now!

By the way Jeanette, your book is great, I recognize all that self talk! I’ve lost 55 lbs. and it is a struggle every day to not fall back into the old habits!

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PastaQueen • June 27, 2008 at 11:05 am

I don’t think he has. He hasn’t said anything to me about it. I did see the cat walker on the trail last week and wondered if he’d confront me about it! He didn’t say anything either, so I’m still safely anonymous.

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asithi • June 27, 2008 at 3:53 pm

I never knew that the capsule can open in your throat! That is scary.

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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