Healthy eating is by definition supposed to be good for your health. I obviously didn’t get the memo. Earlier this month, I grated off a piece of my thumb while making latkes. This week, I cut myself horribly on . . .a box of Go Lean! Crunch.
Yes, eating cereal is now a health hazard. You heard it here first. I don’t know if the machine that assembles the cereal boxes was miscalibrated or they happened to sharpen their box cutting knives the day it was shipped, but the cardboard edge of my box cut into my pinkie as I was innocently pouring myself a sweet yet nutritious mix of seven whole grains. Think I have law suit material? I have now placed masking tape over the edge to avoid future incidents.
What’s next? Will I slip on a banana peel in the kitchen? Will my tongue get frozen to a no-sugar-added fudge pop? I fear to speculate.
In other news, I completely forgot my fat-iversary two days ago. As of January 15th I’ve been doing this healthy eating and exercise nonsense for three years. According to an article sent to me by the National Weight Control Registry as thanks for participating in their long-ass surveys, “after individuals have successfully maintained their weight loss for 2-5 years, the chance of long-term success greatly increases.” Go me! Another two years and I’ll have the stats completely in my favor. (The article is called “Long-term weight-loss maintenance” from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, Issue 82, 2005. Pages 222-225. I’m not putting that in MLA format because I don’t know how and I find that stuff boring.)