It’s weeks like this that make my journey relatable, right? You can always tell yourself, “Even PastaQueen has crap weeks.” I’m up and then down and then up again, like a teeter-totter. Except when I used to play on the teeter-totter as a kid it was just down. Then the kid on the other end dangling in the air would giggle for awhile and then stare at me as their eyes slowly grew wide-eyed in horror when they started to wonder, “How am I going to get down without breaking my tailbone when the fat girl gets off?” I really hated the teeter-totter. I never got to go flying up in the air.
I always feel like I’m supposed to make an excuse when my weight goes up a bit, like “I was attacked by the evil salt monster of French Lick. I had to bite off his head in self-defense and all that sodium must be making me retain water.” It’s certainly more interesting than the real reason which is probably that I ate too much and didn’t exercise enough. I slightly hurt my right leg two weeks ago and I’m letting the muscle heal itself before getting back into my interval running. I’ve been doing some cycling to fill the gaping cardio hole, but it doesn’t work me as hard. I can’t go very fast on the trail without running down little doggies. Sure, I’m a cat person, but even I wouldn’t run down a Chihuahua unless he asked for it by pooping on the road.
I’ve also been thinking about food more than I’d like to lately. Now that I’m getting closer to goal I know every little bite counts. I keep wondering if I’m eating too little or too much, trying to just eat until I’m full or when I’m hungry. This sounds easy and intuitive, but it’s really hard. Mostly I just keep questioning myself like, “Am I really hungry? If I *am* hungry should I be eating this or something else? Have I already eaten enough for today?” It’s kind of annoying and I think I should just stop with it already. If I think about something too much I can jinx myself. Back when I took piano lessons I learned how to play “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy,” but if I started to look at my hands or think about what keys I was pressing the fairies would stumble and I couldn’t finish the song. I’d gotten into a groove with what I ate and now that I’m overanalyzing it I’m in danger of messing things up. I’m going to try to go back on autopilot, still making healthy choices but not trying to mentally calculate whether I’ve had too many calories today. The other way is not fun and it’s too exhausting anyway.