1) I was greatly amused by the German technician at my eye appointment this morning. She frequently beckoned me to “Go wit me now,” as we moved from room to room to shine lights into my pupils and drip frighteningly yellow drops into my eyes which I can’t be sure weren’t Mountain Dew. Her accent and demeanor were a nice change of pace from the whitebread culture of Indiana, but the amusing part came when she left the room as I waited for the doctor. My medical information was displayed on a computer screen to my right. Being a busybody and luckily still in possession of my glasses and thus my sight, I scanned the screen and had to stifle a giggle. In a notes field was this sentence, “Patient is well-nourished.” Well-nourished! OMG, is that medical code for “fat?” Do doctors have conversations like this:
Doctor 1: I think you’d really love going on a date with my 2:00 patient. She has a great personality.
Doctor 2: Great personality? Oh yeah, how nourished is she?
Doctor 1: (hesitates) She’s well-nourished.
Doctor 2: It figures.
Perhaps it is a German turn of phrase.I kind of like it. Perhaps that can be the word we use to describe people who aren’t fat but aren’t really thin either. Kate Winslet’s not fat, she’s well-nourished. Malnutrition is so not in.
2) After my eye appointment I dropped off some books at the library and picked up some on hold. I wore my sunglasses inside because my pupils were as dilated as if I’d just smoked five joints in the back of a Volkswagen van. The guy shelving the books on hold took a look at me and said, “Hi.” I figured he was just being a friendly library employee. Then when I was heading out the door a middle-aged, man with a limp made eye-contact with my shades and said “Hi,” too. I smiled back and as we were leaving he held the door for me, though it seemed a bit awkward for him to do. As I started to pass him on the sidewalk he said, “You’re a pretty lass.” And he didn’t even have a Scottish brogue! I immediately smiled and chirped “Thanks!” and bounced back to my car. I can only conclude one of the following things has happened:
A) I have become so thin and confident that I have entered the hotness zone. I will soon need to carry a stick to beat off lusty advances
B) Men dig chicks who wear sunglasses inside
C) The eye drops were not Mountain Dew but a super sexy aphrodisiac. They need to ditch the optometry biz and start hawking the eye drops from a gypsy wagon in the lobby.
3) I went to TGI Friday’s last night and ordered their Strawberry Fields Salad off of the “Right Portion, Right Price” menu. I have been wanting to try an item off the smaller portions menu ever since I read about it. Yes, I am genuinely excited that they will give me less food.
The salad was delicious and for the first time in my life I exited a restaurant feeling neither overstuffed nor guilty. It was just the right size. I managed to finish the whole plate of food, which was another first for restaurant eating. When I was done my dinner companions were still eating because they’d gotten the “normal” large portions. I did feel a temptation to keep eating, though at that point it would have required biting into the red plastic plate. I didn’t eat any more though because there was no more to eat and 5-10 minutes late that full feeling set in and I was very happy. However, if they had piled more strawberries and field greens on there I know I would have eaten them and hated myself for it later, strawberry guilt forever.
4) There are baby ducks and geese waddling around the canal on my drive to work! They are so cute, even though they poop on the sidewalks. The sun is shining and the weather is warm and it makes me want to go outside and run and frolic and be part of the world. I never felt that way when I was fat. I don’t know why. But now I want to go out and interact with people and enjoy the good weather and be alive. Even though I don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have a million dollars and my toilet may be in the process of breaking, sometimes I am hit by these blasts of pure joy. It is fabulous and wonderful. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the size of my ass. I think it’s because I’ve grown and changed so much in the past couple years and I dig who I am so much. I am closer to joy now than ever before, like I moved just down the street from it and catch glimpses of it mowing its lawn and getting the mail from time to time. And I didn’t even have to eat any chocolate to feel this way.