People I want to punch

I think the key to getting a good workout during kickboxing class is to imagine someone particularly vile when I’m throwing right hooks and uppercuts. In the last session I imagined the creep who had somehow hacked my ebay account an hour before class. S/he not only listed fake auctions, but made me late for class since I had to change all my passwords and cancel about 20 auctions for DVD sets of “The L Word” and “24.” In this case I think the L word was “lying leech” and I’d love to see my hacker playing the part of a torture victim in the latest day of Jack Baur’s life. I took my rage out on the air molecules in the elementary school gymnasium and now my biceps and triceps are sore like they haven’t been after the other two classes. Exercise is indeed a good stress release.

I was also pissed at another attendee in class, a guy who seemed to be dragged there by his wife or girlfriend. I imagine she talked him into it by saying kickboxing was a manly, macho thing where he’d get to grunt and kick things. He must have been very disappointed when halfway through class our instructor told us to shake our booty and yell “Whoo!” There was one point when the instructor got lost and had to stop until the next 8 bar cycle to jump back in. About half the class got lost and stopped too, like a giant game of Simon Says where Simon was a mute. This guy took this as an opportunity to stand and pout with his arms crossed. He then walked to the side of the gym right next to me and continued pouting loudly until the next water break. I really wanted to sock him one.

I’m empathetic if the class was not as enjoyable as he’d hoped it’d be and he wasn’t having a good time. I can also understand if he was mad that the instructor got lost. But standing around pouting like that was so rude. It’s important to keep the energy level up during an aerobics class or it’s not as much fun. It’s like the vibe at a really good concert that you can never replicate with a DVD at home. You have to give as well as take. His crossed arms and beady glare were committing theft of our energy high, just like that hacker who stole my password. A risky move on his part, since I was only two yards away and have very little control over my roundhouse kick.

After the water break he joined back in, but I hope he either doesn’t show up next time or seriously retunes his attitude. Or else one of these days I really am going to end up punching somebody.