I made my final purchase at Lane Bryant on the last day of 2006, a great way to close out the year. Lane Bryant is the flagship fat girl clothing store in America, stocking sizes 14-28. While I owe them a debt of gratitude for preventing me from wearing the latest in garbage bag couture during my largest days, I always had a love-hate relationship with the store. Their clothes are overpriced and in lieu of day care I suspect they allow employee’s children to run around the store with a bedazzler, applying sequins and plastic beads to every tank top or blouse in sight.
But, they were having a sale on Venezia jeans for only $19.99. I haven’t bought dress pants or skirts from them in a while, but their bootcut jeans have always fit my particular shape well. I stopped by and was happy to find I now fit into their size 16. Funny, since a week earlier I’d tried on size 16’s at their sister store, Fashion Bug, which I could button, but were so tight I would have walked around like C-3PO. If I’m going to dress up like a Star Wars character, he’s not the one I’d choose. Though thankfully Jabba the Hutt isn’t the one I most closly resemble anymore. I bought the jeans, but the next day I realized that they would never have them for a lower price, so I may as well buy the size 14’s as well and make if my official last purchase. Then we could declare 2007 a year free of shopping at the fat girl store.
So I returned to the mall, fighting through crowds like a salmon swimming up stream. I found the jeans and made my purchase. The cashier thanked me and I walked out back into the throngs of humanity. It was all rather anti-climatic actually, just a typical retail transaction, one of thousands that day. But as God is my witness, I shall never shop at Lane Bryant again.