It’s weird to think that I’ve somehow become a weight loss expert in the past two years. Or I’ve at least fooled people into thinking I’m one since I was interviewed by a Weight Loss Tips site this week. I’m also going to a focus group tomorrow for a local college student’s group project on determining how to reduce obesity in Central Indiana, even though I have no idea how to reduce obesity in Central Indiana. Perhaps we can kidnap fat people off of the street, throw them in the back of an unmarked van and dump them in Ohio? We’ll take away their wallets and driver’s licenses so they can’t make their way back home. That would solve Indiana’s problem! It’s like how the trapper caught a raccoon in our crawlspace and relocated it to another county.
Anyone got any real ideas on that one? All I can think of is the studies that say if you make stairwells prettier more people will use them and that people move around more at work if they wear casual clothes. The problem is that there isn’t just one thing you can do to prevent obesity. It’s caused by a lot of things, a conspiracy of our environment that’s full of roads that aren’t safe to walk on, a lack of cooking skills and a prevalence of fast food restaurants, and lives that just don’t require us to move around.
You can’t force someone to start watching what they eat and move their butt more. We can maybe trick them into taking the stairs from time to time. Perhaps we should sabotage all the city’s elevators? Wasn’t that a plot thread in that Hugh Jackman and Meg Ryan movie, Kate and Leopold? That’s it! We’ll invent a time machine and kill the inventor of the elevator. No more fat people! There is no problem a time machine can’t solve.