Warning, movie contains food

I scored two free movie passes to the local artsy theater a couple months ago when an old women fell down the stairs during Little Miss Sunshine. Don’t worry, she’s fine. They had to call the paramedics though and stop the movie for about a minute to walk her out. The incident did make me wonder if you could see movies for free for the rest of your life by simply sitting at the end of a row and tripping people as they pass by. Their bladders are full or their stomachs are empty, so they’re bound to be distracted. Plus it’s dark, so any eyewitness accounts of your treachery would be unreliable.

The theatre is in the mall, so I decided to cash in my free passes before the writhing masses descend on the area and devolve into hyenas in their search for 60% off sales. I saw Stranger Than Fiction starring Will Ferrell and I must warn anyone planning on seeing this film to be careful, it contains food. Gratuitous footage of culinary delights abound. Very, very mild spoilers follow, though nothing that ruins the plot.

Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a baker who is being audited by Will Ferrell’s IRS agent. And she makes lots of cookies. And cupcakes. And pineapple upside down cake. And Bavarian sugar cookies, which I had never heard of before, but look damn tasty. Halfway through the movie I wanted to reach into the screen and devour some of the black and white cookies in her bakery’s glass casing. I’d even eaten before I left the house, but seeing all these yummy treats was somewhat torturous and completely unexpected. At least when you go to see a movie called Soul Food or Chocolat you can expect to be exposed to food pornography, but this was a sneak attack, like a nipple slip during the Superbowl half-time show.

I’ve been told never to trust a skinny chef, so maybe Maggie Gyllenhaal’s cupcakes wouldn’t have been as tasty as they appeared, but it doesn’t really matter if simply looking at the treats makes me hungry. It reminded me of the time my brother and I saw Supersize Me. Even though we were grossed out by how horrible fast food is for you, after the movie we both agreed we could really go for a Big Mac.

So if you go to see this film, stuff your purse or pockets with cheese sticks or pistachios or baby carrots. Don’t go in unarmed! You have been warned.