October 18, 2006 at 12:40 pm
Shiver me timbers, is anyone else cold? No? Just me? I’m seriously thinking of investing in a space heater for my office or at least breaking down my absent office mate’s desk and building a fire on top of the photocopier. I can use my Lean Cuisine packaging for kindling. I want to ward off any emigrating penguins or polar bears before it’s too late. I hear the polar ice caps are melting and it won’t be long before they try taking over our fast food restaurant freezers and unheated office spaces.
I was convinced that I was cold because either:
1) I work in a converted warehouse that has self-washing floors, because the fact that water leaks between the window frames during thunderstorms must be a new age design scheme and not a sign of rust and decay and poor insulation from the elements.
2) My boss is actually an alien from a planet of lava man so he has the natural body temperature of boiling soup. Actually, his blood *is* boiling soup! The real question is, is it chicken noodle or egg drop?
3) Sitting at a computer all day with your right hand on a mouse away from the rest of your body heat is inevitably going to lead to fingers that feel like they’ve been dipped in ice water.
To prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy and I was in fact working in Lil’ Antartica, I bought an indoor-outdoor thermometer and brought it into the office. Then I said some naughty words and stopped at the drug store the next day to buy one AAA battery. I hate you AAA batteries, only a little bit less so than 9 volt batteries, and neither of you will ever compare to my favorite battery, the AA, which I always seem to have on hand.
So, I popped that sucker in the thermometer and waited to see how horrible my working conditions have been. Sweatshop laborers in India who have to lubricate their looms with condoms have nothing on me! Know what it said? 72.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Which is about 22.5 degrees Celsius for you foreigners. Um, yeah. Maybe my boss isn’t a lava man, but I’m adopted from the planet of ice people instead. Gotta go check my birth certificate.
How can I be wearing a light-weight sweater, a blazer and still feel chilly at 72.6 degrees? That’s insane. I read on the 3 Fat Chicks forum that I’m not the only person that’s lost a lot of weight and felt like they’ve been locked in a freezer. My only solace is that several people posted in that thread that it eventually got better after a couple years. I couldn’t dig up any actually medical research on this phenomena, but that’s probably because I was too lazy to go past page 2 of the Google search results. I guess it’s sweaters and leggings until spring! I’m sure the acrylic and wool industries will be pleased. At least I don’t have to worry about flocks of invading penguins anymore.
Earlier: Take your cheese back because there’s no whine here
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