September 2, 2006 at 3:24 pm
I am hesitant to get too excited about breaking out of the teens since I could always bounce back into them next week. That said – yippee! I suspected my period was just screwing with my weight last week and I think this week’s results prove it. I know. Ew, she’s talking about her period again! Gross! I talk about my period every month, but it does have such a big impact on my weight that I feel like it’s worth mentioning even if it falls into the area of “too much information.”
I’ve been going farther in my walking and even did 5.25 miles round trip to the library. I took a page out of K’s book and read on my way back. I didn’t even know this was possible to do, like my friend who can knit while watching a movie with subtitles, but I’m much more willing to do something weird if someone else has done it first. It was pretty easy since I stayed on the trail for the majority of the trip. I just kept that red line down the middle of the concrete in my peripheral vision and watched out for doggy doo-doo. I did get a little irked when the sun started to set and wanted to yell, “Hey, turn back on the light!”
I surely couldn’t have looked odder than some of the people I’ve seen on that trail, like the woman who was rollerblading while carrying her fluffy white doggy or the woman who wobbles when she runs (either on purpose or because of a physical defect, I don’t know) or the man who had an adult-sized big-wheel. Actually, he just made me miss the big wheel I’d peddle around in as a kid which my mom stuck a big fluorescent orange flag on the back of. I love big wheels!
I’m also happy I lost this week because a week and a half ago I totally binged on bread and muffins. It was a pre-meditated binge too, which made it worse. I sat at work thinking “I’m going to make muffins when I come home and eat far too many of them.” And then I did. Never say I don’t have follow-through. Of course the next day I felt horrible about myself and was throwing a guilt party, inviting over remorse, shame and their little sister self-reproach. But then I had this image of a kid grabbing my hand and smacking my face while saying “Why are you hitting yourself?” I realized beating myself up mentally was just as sensible as smacking myself around physically and I should just get over it already. So I called the cops on that guilt party and got over it. I can’t change the past and I don’t live in the future. I can only control the here and now.
Reflecting on the little binge, I think I was just feeling a little depressed because I’ve lived in my new place for about 2 and half months now, so all the excitement and freshness of moving has worn off and I’m settling into my rut. If I don’t keep myself busy with projects and goals it’s easy to just feel down and want to eat half the contents of my kitchen.