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The one thing that annoys me about my Pilates DVD is that it starts with an intro talking about the environment and renewable energy and about being one with the ecosystem. Now, I have nothing against granola-eating hippies who run their cars on leftover grease from Mexican restaurants. Some of my best friends eat at Mexican restaurants. However, what does any of that have to do with working my abs? Can’t I want a stronger core set of muscles and also drive a Hummer? I have to wonder if this hippy-dippy, new age, stereotype that surrounds exercises like Pilates and Yoga turns people off to trying an activity they might actually enjoy, the same way boys are hesitant to take ballet classes. And this doesn’t even involve tutus!

(Confidential to hippies: Sorry if I offended you. Last week I walked to an organic grocery store to buy pears, so I’m probably close to becoming one of you myself. It also made me wonder, if I was a pod person who’d replaced the original PastaQueen, would I necessarily know about it? Should I keep an eye out for the mothership? But if I ever run my car on grease, I’m going to have to insist on getting it from Indian restaurants. Spicy curry-mobile, yum!)

In other Pilates news, I’ve been rolling out my mat and wiping cat hair off of it for about 6 months now. I’ve also been doing Pilates on it. So it’s really interesting to see how much I’ve improved. Pilates only has so many exercises and they’re supposed to be done in a certain order, so it’s very easy to compare how far you’ve come. At first I’d have to do modified versions of the moves, bending my legs and not rolling all the way to my shoulders, unless my shoulders had been transplanted to the middle of my back, which, wow, would look really weird. Now I can do almost all of the moves as they’re intended. I can even do the teaser, or as I like to call it, the motherf***ing teaser. It’s amazing! It won’t be too long before I’m bending myself up like a pretzel and cramming myself into a pickle jar like a Cirque du Soleil contortionist.

I wish this was the type of topic that would come up at parties so I could show it off. Hell, I wish I was just invited to parties. When I drop to the floor, perform the teaser and flash half the room in my dress, I’m sure I would become very popular. At least as popular as the drunk girl dancing on the table with a fringed lamp shade on her head. Though I don’t want to get a bad rep. People might start saying “She’s such a tease with her teaser.” Maybe I should do The Seal instead. I’m sure rolling around on the ground, clapping my feet together 3 times and yipping “Arf!” like a seal will turn all the boys on. Perhaps they will think it is some sort of foreign mating ritual. Actually, the arfing is optional, but I find it too fun to pass up. Arf! Arf!

And since I know someone will ask, I’m currently doing the intermediate workout by Ana Caban, distributed by Gaiam and available at Amazon.com here, though if you’re just starting you should probably go with the beginner’s workout.

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coraspartan • September 1, 2006 at 1:28 pm

I have those exact Pilates DVDs! I really love them, although they have been neglected lately. Instead of doing my DVDs I have been taking a Yoga/Pilates fusion class. I am trying a new class called Pilates Power Sculpt beginning on Sept. 11th. I hope it’s a good class.

The teaser is killer, isn’t it? It took me a long time to work up to it. The seal wasn’t so easy for me to do either. Now I can do both without any problems. Pilates rocks!


Sandi • September 1, 2006 at 2:40 pm

You are so funny!! I haven’t tempted Pilates, but I did just buy a YOGA CD for the Plus size woman. Plan to try that out this weekend along with my PUSH CD!


Debbie • September 1, 2006 at 4:15 pm

{PQ, do you only have to deal with cat hair, or also with helpful cats who think that adding weight to your stomach will somehow improve your moves?


Heather • September 1, 2006 at 4:23 pm

That type of atmosphere is what has always scared me away from yoga. Just can’t do it.. I want to, but then I try it… and that kind of focus just makes me give it up immediately.


Patricia • September 1, 2006 at 8:09 pm

I do the same dvd’s! I knew it as soon as you said “Arf! Arf!” I always hit “menu” as soon as I put them in so I’d forgotten about the hippie beginning. I STILL can’t do the teaser quite right – it’s the only one I still have to modify. Props to you!


Marly • September 1, 2006 at 11:27 pm

Pastaqueen, you can come to my party ANY day. After reading them the Romulan bird of prey entry a few of my guy friends are quite enthralled, but alas, they may be a tad young for you (18 in 3 months). But aren’t young men and older women in style?


kim • September 2, 2006 at 2:11 am

The Teaser??!!!! I’m awestruck. Your next progress photos will be amazing – the itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini is not far off for you!


ROs • September 2, 2006 at 6:48 am

Wow, I’m impressed. I have a pilates dvd and some sctions on some of my dvds but I just haven’t got the hang of the moves. Maybe its because I have no “core stability” and weak stomach/ back muscles, but I just can’t do the exercises at all.

Yoga I like, maybe one day I’ll get the hang of pilates.. goodness knows I need that sort of thing! How did u build up pilates ability?


christie • September 3, 2006 at 11:00 am

PastaQueen – I have found that all videos by LivingArts are kind of like that :) It’s a bit weird to me. If you ever try a different video it probably won’t start with that :)


Dana • July 30, 2009 at 7:16 pm

Agreed, way late, about the Living Arts thing. BTW, Gaiam is what used to be Seventh Generation before they changed their name and took the old name and applied it only to their cleaning products. I remember when Gaiam first went public. Man, I wish I’d bought stock.

So yes, they’re hippie, and anything they put out is going to be hippie. :D

However, their lavender-scented laundry detergent rocks hardcore. If you can even associate “lavender” with “rocks hardcore.” I am a big ol’ nerd, so of course I can.


Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

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