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The Missing

Now that I have my own address, I also have my own mailbox in which the postman deposits lots of strange junk mail that I used to leave for my mother. Since it would be weird for me to forward all my junk mail to my mom, I’m the one stuck sorting through it. The coupons are great fun, though they’d be a lot more useful if I still ate pizza and Arby’s and owned a house which needed drywall repair. The strange catalogs addressed to former occupants of my apartment (currently three and counting) have led me to believe they were all richer than me and must have moved out to their own mansions. ($120.00 for a skirt? Seriously?) Each week I also get one of those “Have you seen these people?” postcards with the “20% off oil change!” coupon on the back, because if you’re going to look for the missing, your car had better be in tip top shape.

I was thinking there should be “missing” flyers for lost bloggers. We’ve all seen it happen. The time between their posts starts getting longer and longer. Or they only pop in to write the “Gee whiz! I sure haven’t posted lately, have I?” post which reveals absolutely nothing. If your blog’s only purpose has become to talk about your blog, congratulations, it’s become just as useful as Par1s H1lton. (Okay, that was harsh. No one and no thing should ever be compared to Par1s H1lton.)

On most blogs if someone stops coming around I figure they’ve gotten bored of the process. The new toy is not as shiny. Writing something on a regular basis is work and if you don’t love it or get your ego constantly stroked by your readers (Hey there, people! Kisses! XOXO) you’ll probably quit eventually. However, when a weight loss blogger goes missing it usually just means one thing.

They’ve started gaining weight. (Or they got a life, but usually it’s the weight thing.)

Which in all honesty, is probably the time at which you need to keep blogging the most. The support of anonymous people on the Internet is a positive and powerful thing. For all I know, you commenters could be little electronic fairies that eat optical cable for breakfast like pasta and not the homo sapiens I take you for. However, knowing you’re out there does keep me honest to an extent. I think if I gave up losing weight you’d gang up, knock down my door with a 20 pound dumbbell as a battering ram and chain me to the treadmill with a yoga strap until I promised to start working towards goal again. I’d really hate to lose my rental deposit to rehang the front door.

So when a weight loss blogger goes missing, I feel a little sad because it’s probably the time at which they need us the most. Where did they go? Have they completely given up hope? A while back there was a girl who commented on this blog who was inspired by my progress and really gung-ho about making it this time. She was around for a couple weeks and then simply vanished. Her blog went away too. Some days I wonder, whatever happened to Kimberly?

Because I’ve been there too, when nothing seems to work and you think you’ll be fat for the rest of your life. But there’s always the possibility that things could change. You might stare at the ceiling as you’re going to sleep and think “It could still happen. I won’t necessarily always be like this.” Sure, you’d like to hide away from the world and live under your bedspread in a little blanket fort and train the bedbugs tricks to perform in a circus. But don’t do that please. Eventually the bedbugs will want to unionize and the labor problems will be crazy.

So, to all you missing bloggers, you might think we haven’t noticed that you’re gone, but we have. Please come back. Or I might have to trounce over to Kinko’s and start printing up those missing blogger flyers after all.

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metamorphose • July 27, 2006 at 11:37 am

In some missing bloggers defense, tis the season to neglect the blog. But you’re right with the weight loss blogger thing. Usually if one goes missing and finally comes back, it’s, “I’ve gained like X amount of pounds! Boo!”


amy • July 27, 2006 at 1:52 pm

i’d love to see the flyers. Missing blogger, used sans-serif font, pink template, prone to overuse of exclamation points.


Bailey • July 27, 2006 at 4:00 pm

We’re here rooting for you every pound of the way… When will you post a new photo so we can revel in your progess??


Hilly • July 27, 2006 at 4:16 pm

We should start some kind of “call to arms” for lost bloggers. I know that you are DEAD ON when you say that people who gain weight tend to disappear; I’ve seen it in my email groups and in my own damned self. I often wonder what happens to people on a regular basis. I try to keep everyone on my Bloglines but take links off of my site when people just stop blogging because I know others use it as a pit-stop to other blogs and it is not fair to them to click when nada is there…I know, I am an odd duckling :).

I always read you, even if I don’t comment, btw. Some days, I am just too overwhelmed with my failures to comment but love to see others get their grooves on!


hopefulloser • July 27, 2006 at 4:41 pm

I loved this. I am hanging on by a thread so as not to go “missing”. Of course the reason is I’m on the upswing. It’s hard to stay motivated and one form of denial is to neglect your blog.

I’m glad you posted this, it’s just what I needed.



Greta • July 27, 2006 at 4:55 pm

Thankfully you are not among the missing. It was a timely posting because I have been wondering what’s going on with “Act Boldly” and perhaps that’s what caused your comment since her site is the first one on your “blogroll”.

I admire your progress and your stick-to-it ability. Keep on hanging in there for yourself and all the rest of us.


vron • July 27, 2006 at 6:02 pm

Boy, you’re either reading my mind or my blog, because I just sent email to two people who used to post regularly (I administrate a shared blog) and compared them to people who stop coming to WW meetings — did you gain, are your stressed, time to GWTP people.

But I do understand why — I remember those times that I didn’t feel like posting (or showing up for meetings) because I didn’t want to face the music. I’ve previously referred to WW as church (that Catholic analogy thing works in a variety of situations). People who have “sinned” avoid church/ww/blogging, but its when you need to go the most, if only to get to confession, get it off your chest, be absolved and then, putting on their best Vivien Leigh, proclaim “Tomorrow is Another Day.”


Dee • July 27, 2006 at 8:20 pm

I am NOTORIOUS of this… and yea it is usually when the toy isn’t shiny or I’m not playing with it in the proper ways… (now I’ve lost myself)but I do normally disappear when there isn’t anything to blog about. When I’m not exercising or eating well or progressing.

I agree that the community of weight loss blogs, readers, posters they all keep you in check and I probably would have given up faster and for longer if it weren’t for some people searching. For that I’m grateful heh.

I have a few to add to the list if you ever do make those flyers ;D

Til then I’m getting back on the proverbial weight loss wagon and I’ll be blogging more!


PastaQueen • July 27, 2006 at 10:05 pm

Bailey – I post progress pictures every 20 pounds, so whenever I hit 202 I’ll post a new one. At my current rate that will probably be…October?


Peter Audrain • July 28, 2006 at 1:02 am

I guess that’s the problem with social support from e-friends, is that it’s a lot easier to vanish from view with them than with real ones. The real ones can just badger you. Although badgering can be counter-productive.

I don’t know . . . I think maybe just talking about this issue ahead of time, while people are doing well, can help make it more acceptable for them to keep on blogging when they’re doing poorly.

If you can simply set up an expectation in advance that your blog doesn’t have to be just be a nonstop tale of triumph, that might keep you blogging when there’s no good news.

I’m sure that’s when the comments would be most useful and supportive—at least up to a point. If someone blogged their way steadily up a hundred pounds, it’s hard to say how the audience would respond! Looking for inspiration as we usually are.

I guess it’s literally never happened.

Great post.


Debbi • July 28, 2006 at 1:53 am

So you publish this great post and Beth pops back up for air. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

It’s kind of a sad state of internet affairs that we feel this need to remain somewhat anonymous. First names only, e-mail addresses we rarely check, few identifers. Spammers and stalkers and just plain annoying people can be problematic if we reveal too much.

But if the lady who lives at the end of your street went missing, the whole neighborhood would be out looking for her.


Heather • July 28, 2006 at 8:13 am

Blogger ate my blog. :( I’ll be back.

Hehe, though I have been putting off posting again because I got a job at a BBQ joint that requires I sample all of their food and makes me a free plate for lunch each day of training. :( (Okay, I can’t lie– :)!!! only body– :(…)

I think comments do help people stay honest.. it’s why I started my log


Jonathan • July 28, 2006 at 2:44 pm

Okay, so on the one hand I feel pretty bad because my blog is just about me for the most part. (Hmmm.. how boring that must be for a lot of people.) But on the other hand, this is a great post because a lot of us LIKE to read about what’s going on in the lives of other weight losers/maintainers … and, YES, gainers. So when people drop out of the blog-o-sphere it sure can be disquieting.

Journals that inspire, motivate and educate don’t have to be just about happy, successful times. It can be really useful to hear about the hard times and the lapses.

Furthermore, when I was up about 10 pounds or so last year, blogging was actually one of the things that helped me find my groove again. It gave me at least ONE positive action to take every day.



Abi • July 28, 2006 at 9:13 pm

You know, I don’t know why I have started slacking all together.

I was doing really well – watched what I ate – ran almost every morning. Then after the first month I just fell off the cliff. I have done this numerous times in the past. I guess a lot of my problem is that I look at the path ahead of me and it just seems so long. Then I fell like I will never make it to the end – but I know that if I don’t run, even if I do just walk, that I will eventually make it to the end… but why doesn’t my body do what my mind desires it to? You got me. But blogs like yours are very inspiring to me – because you have came a long way and are proving that even if you sit out a couple of minutes you can get right back up and keep on going. You don’t follow the philosophy of “All or nothing.”


Milana • July 28, 2006 at 9:49 pm

It’s funny… I love how so often, you put exactly what I am thinking into words! I had touched on this a few posts ago….between prom and senior trip and graduation and then going to cancun for ten days…I had virtually disappeared. Yet, I honestly think the thing that prompted me to start again was the fact that I still wanted to see how everyone else was doing, and I was visually seeing everyone else getting over the bumps in the road, and I said to myself that I NEEDED to do it too.

I’ve never said this yet, but wayyyy back in December, when I randomly happened to come across your blog right around Thanksgiving, I think it was partially you that started my whole “process.” While I had been kinda thinking about trying to lose weight again…it was seeing that someone like you (and your blogroll :)) could be so sucessful…I decided that it was time for me to do it. I’m sure that I would have eventually gotten to that point in the future, but who knows when that would have been….

OK done for this long comment :)


Mark • July 30, 2006 at 10:46 am

The scary ones are the bariatric surgery patients who stop posting. Are they dead or alive?

Consider, for instance, “Deborah’s WLS Journey” (http://dewdropdeb.tripod.com/dewdropdeb/index.html).

Meticulous posts pre-op, during surgery, post-op, and a last post about two months after the operation (“I rarely throw up anymore, and I am full of energy … more updates soon”). Her wedding is approaching. Progress tables are set up with blank cells for another year.

Then silence. Yikes!


Caroline • July 31, 2006 at 5:58 pm

I swear I left a comment on here last Friday?

What’s happened there?


Chick • August 1, 2006 at 12:32 am


just what I needed, more posts coming, and a rededication…



Deborah • February 9, 2007 at 3:06 pm

I am the one missing mentioned in the comment above… life is great… I guess when you are finally “normal” you don’t want to dwell on when you were fat and miserable. You feel at one with your body and self and don’t want to dwell on the fact that you had to mess with nature to get that way. Anyways if you’re curious, weight has stayed off despite two kids and a wedding later. Am training for the London marathon. Things couldn’t be better. My WLS was 6 years ago and I am so glad I made that choice, I’d just rather not dwell on it and get on with life! Good luck to you all!


Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

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