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Big Love

Today I read a first person article on Salon.com about a man who’s attracted to fat women. I think you have to click through an ad to get to it. Sorry! At least they don’t make you register. You probably want to skip the user comments on the article, which I only skimmed, but seem to have the usual mix of fat-haters and fat-acceptance advocates duking it out. Maybe they should sumo wrestle to settle it. Hmmmm, I wonder who would win?

It’s not really news that some guys like fat girls. (The author is already married too, so us single gals are fresh out of luck.) What I like about the article is that this guy actually stands up for his right to like fat girls. Most men who like chubby chicks are too afraid to mention it to their friends for fear of being made fun of. But if someone makes a fat joke around this guy, he lets people know he thinks it’s out of line. I have to give him props because it can be difficult to be that brave. Standing up for what you believe in can be scary, especially when you know your beliefs are unpopular.

Frequently I’ll see people complain that “society” treats fat people poorly and “society” this or “society” that. But what is society? It’s just all the little interactions that happen between people everyday. While you can’t change what everyone else is doing, you can control how you act around other people. By standing up for fat people in your own conversations and interactions, you work just a little bit to change what this thing we call “society” is.

Of course, we usually just chicken out and let people treat us like shit and then run home and cry about it on our blogs. Let’s stop doing that, okay? It’s really not working out so well.

I also love it when I read these articles and then they reveal that the fat girl is a size 18. I just have to bang my head on the keyboard a couple times while I think “Geez, I’ve lost over 150 pounds and I’m still not a size 18.” I really look forward to the day when the fat girls described in these articles are actually fatter than me. I don’t think my keyboard can take much more pounding and it leaves all these little red marks on my face.

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Aaron R • June 22, 2006 at 11:44 pm

Excellent website you have. Great to see someone with as much motivation and drive to lose weight. Im currently 32.2 BMI myself and am striving to get down to a healthy weight.


amyt • June 23, 2006 at 7:54 am

you had me expecting bigamy. i thought maybe you joined a harem. maybe next time.


Josh Max • June 23, 2006 at 8:52 am

Thanks for your comments about my article…your support and positive words mean a lot in the face of a parade of chowder heads—though there were a lot of very sweet letters, too…best to you and yours, k? :) JM


little miss ess • June 23, 2006 at 10:22 am

How cool that Josh wrote a comment for you! I too read the article and wanted to jump up and shout hooray right at my desk about him standing up to other dudes who talk smack about women who aren’t a size 4. If there were more Joshes in the world, you wouldn’t have jackasses running around NYC talking about a size 6 is a disgusting fat cow. Or dudes anywhere calling any size woman a disgusting fat cow, or a “mess.”

I was particularly irritated with the commenters that accused Josh of having a fetish. People like what they like, are attracted to what they’re attracted to. I happen to like dark brown hair with blue eyes and a little bit of meat on a guy’s bones, but that is not what my fiance looks like.

A fetish seems to me to be quite another thing. It brings to mind the sorts of television shows I used to see sometimes clicking around late at night in Germany where you’d have a drag queen host interviewing a dominatrix holding a leash leading to a man squatting on the floor dressed in head to toe leather who speaks only when allowed through the zippered mouth slot of his leather face mask.

I know there are fat fetishists out there, and guys who get off on trying to get women fat (I think they’re called “feeders”).

If people can’t tell the diff. between that and what Josh is writing? Harumpf.


Liza • June 23, 2006 at 11:43 am

I almost never chicken out and let people treat me like shit because of my size. I’m very quick to respond. Unfortunately, to the types of people who will say rude things to your face–whether it’s a friend giving you the backhanded “such a pretty face” compliment or a stranger calling you “fat ass” out of a car window–retaliation (or response of any kind) rarely makes them think, “Oh, how wrong I’ve been!” Sadly, they just think, “Oh, she’s fat AND she’s a bitch.” But I guess ultimately I’m okay with that.


AnaBell • June 23, 2006 at 4:10 pm

huh. the only related stories are from 96 and 99.


Lowcarb_dave • June 23, 2006 at 11:24 pm

I’ve been attracted to skinny girls and really large girls.

And I’ve not been attracted to some girls.

There are other things in play for me. I like girls that have a combination of intelligence and a good heart.

Boys are attracted to images, men need more.


melanie • June 25, 2006 at 4:10 am

a lot of people get a lot of hate for standing up for what they believe.

i left a forum that i loved because of the following duel:

some girl posted a comment to the forum owner’s diary that she was fat, always had been, and always will be.

the forum owner’s boyfriend stood up for her by saying that fighting on the internet was like entering the special olympics; whether you win or lose you’re still retarded.

i took offense to that, not only because i work with disabled people but because i believe it is wrong to use one group of ‘socially unacceptable’ people to make fun of others. and i posted that while it was sweet that he stood up for his girlfriend, it was offensive the way he did so.

there were twenty or more posts from other women on the forum that i was being a bitch and that i shouldn’t make the forum owner feel bad because he was just standing up for her. and that it wasn’t offensive in the least.

i left a comment that i hope that at some point in their lives they all either acquire a disability or have a disabled child and can come to realise how hurtful that comment is. then i left.

it was just ridiculous.


anyways… totally got off the topic of the post :P


Me • June 25, 2006 at 12:45 pm

I have been a size 12 to a size 24 in my life- and other women’s sizes have always confused me. Looking at her wedding pic- there is no way to me that she is a size 18. You look much thinner than she is and you say you are not an 18 yet?

I don’t really like his article though- he sounds like he wants to be patted on his back for his breakthru- if someone wrote about finding the perfect woman based on big boobs- no one would be applauding him…


Josh Max • June 27, 2006 at 8:58 am

To Me—-

“I don’t really like his article though- he sounds like he wants to be patted on his back for his breakthru- if someone wrote about finding the perfect woman based on big boobs- no one would be applauding him…”

People with big boobs are not endlessly mocked, marginalized, desexualized, told they are ugly and disgusting and made to endure endless heaps of derision.

I wrote the article A) to tell my story B) To let women with some meat on their bones know not EVERY guy thinks they’re awful and lazy and gross and C) to give courage to other men who may long to put their arms around a big woman but are afraid to come out of the closet.


Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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