Why are most formal gowns strapless or sleeveless? Also, why have I never noticed this before?
This is probably a fashion mystery that a simple Midwestern girl like myself will never solve. Just like how I’ve never figured out why fancy watches are never digital. Just try buying a digital watch that is not a sports watch! I searched over a year ago and found maybe three styles.
I’ve got some weddings to attend at the end of May and the beginning of June for my cousin and my aunt. Don’t worry, they’re not marrying each other! I will need something to wear to these events, obviously. I’m not a nudist. I’d usually go for some sort of pants and blouse combo, but I thought it’d be fun to actually get a formal dress because I feel so good about myself lately. I also haven’t shopped for a nice, formal gown since… well, since ever. I skipped the prom because I felt uncomfortable at large social events and still do for the most part, though I’m improving. I was a bridesmaid about three years ago, but that dress was picked out for me and actually had sleeves. Other than that I’ve only worn more casual, afternoon-type dresses.
I can’t actually go shopping for the dress until the beginning of May since I’ll hopefully lose another 20 pounds or so in that time. However, my mother works at a bridal store and brought home the spring catalogue for me to browse. The first thing I noticed while looking through all these pictures of skinny chicks in pastels is that no one had on sleeves! I thought to myself, “Self, this is obviously just because this store is targeting skinny girls. They don’t realize that fat girls hate their flabby upper arms.”
So I searched online for plus size dresses and I was surprised to discover that this is not just a skinny girl thing. Most of the dresses at the plus-size stores are strapless or sleeveless too. Aack! What is going on here? It looks like a popular option is to get a wrap to drape around your arms, but that seems encumbering. I can just see myself fidgeting with it all night long or accidentally dipping the end in the toilet.
This makes me see how limited fashion choices for older people are who might not want to show a lot of skin. Or what if you have some sort of scar or birthmark or lots of freckles or a huge mutant mole on your shoulders that you don’t want to put on display? You’re kind of screwed. When did sleeves go out of fashion? They were fine in the Renaissance.
I’m mulling over my options here and I think it comes down to searching high and low for a dress with sleeves that I may only sort of like or finding a dress that I love that displays my chicken wing arms. I’m leaning toward the latter (that’s the second one). I should probably just get the fuck over my arms. I bet no one at these events is going to be as concerned about them as I am. As long as I keep my arms to my side, the flab’s not that bad. So unless we break into the Macarena or the Hokie Pokie or something, the flab shouldn’t smack any small children in the eye. I’ve also got three months to try and tone them up a bit, which is certainly doable. And damn it, I want a pretty dress! *stomps feet*