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Jack 0sb0urne

I was reading a gossip blog yesterday with an entry about how Kate M0ss and Jack 0sb0urne (son of 0zzy) are dating. This was strange enough news for the day, but then I looked at the accompanying photo and wondered “Why do they have a picture of some running dude next to this article? Did the webmaster screw up?” Then I realized the running dude was Jack 0sb0urne. Check out the before and after:

Before and after

Looks like I wasn’t the only one busy last year. It’s photos like this that tempt me into thinking I should cut my hair really short and dye it red when I reach my goal weight just to freak people out. I’m probably going to get Lasik surgery sometime in the next year (assuming nothing breaks or explodes and busts my budget), so I could look like a totally different person. Throw in a nose ring and a tattoo and the DMV will think I’m using a fake driver’s license.

It’s also somewhat ironic that even though I’m undergoing a big physical transformation myself, I can still be surprised by other people’s transformations. It’s like how you may know several people who annoy you, but those people also annoy each other. You’d think annoying people would get along, but they are equally repelled by their own kind.

You also might be wondering why I keep replacing the letter “O” in these people’s names with the number “0.” Did some mischievous imp sneak into my house last and rearrange the buttons on my keyboard? Has some l33t h4x0r taken over my blog? No. After looking at my site tracking software, I’ve noticed that when I post entries with famous people’s names in them I inevitably get referrals from rude Google searches like “[insert famous name here] naked fat pics” so I’ve decided to obfuscate famous names from now on. I’m really sick of people finding this blog because they want pictures of fat T0bey Magu1re.

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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7 Comments

Julia • January 24, 2006 at 3:06 pm

What’s the Lasik surgery for?

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PastaQueen • January 24, 2006 at 3:10 pm

It’s vision correction surgery. It stands for “laser assisted in situ keratomileusis.” Which means they zap your eye with a laser to make you see better. Without glasses I can’t see more than a foot in front of me before things get blurry.

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Hilly • January 24, 2006 at 5:10 pm

LOLOL at the annoying people thing; you remind me of myself at times.

Damn, he looks good, eh?

It is funny when people at work or wherever see my “biggee” pics for the first time. They stare at me and try to tell me that there is no way that is me. Uh, yes it is, thanks.

I suddenly get 100 pounds gone and go blonde streaked…watch, you will do something drastic too….it happens :)

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Eh... not so much • January 24, 2006 at 7:52 pm

Damm, way to go, J@ck!

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Jen • January 24, 2006 at 9:13 pm

I haven’t seen these pictures of J@ack 0sborn yet. I’ve seen a show on cable. I think it’s called J@ck0sborn, adrenoline junkie. In the episode I saw he was in Thailand learning kick boxing and the refered to a future episode where he would be climbing the Himilayas maybe? He had LOTS of tattoos, more than I remember from the 0sbourne’s days. Looking good. Not just physically, but it looks like he was searching for himself. Maybe funded by some cheesy realtity show, but hey, he was on his way. Better than molding over in some mansion in LA. May we all find ourselves, and hey, if we get thin and desireable as a result, hot damn!

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I Can't Fit • January 25, 2006 at 12:48 pm

Damn – I need to take up some running.

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Kari • August 6, 2006 at 10:51 pm

I’m still working my way through your archives but wanted to tell you that I had Lasik done as a 30th birthday present to myself. It’s one of the best things I’ve even done. The weirdest thing that happened afterwards was trying to push my glasses up and then realizing they were not ever there. I could actually feel them!

PS – I waited until January to have it done and then used my tax refund to pay for it, since it was the only way I could afford it.

PPS – I’ve decided that if I ever end up loosing weight I am going to get a tattoo.

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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