I’ve been thinking about knitting a sweater, mostly because we keep it 64 degrees around here to save money. Yarn is cheaper than natural gas! With all this weight I’ve lost, I just don’t have as much insulation as I used to. My right hand, which is usually on my mouse and thus away from the heat of my body, is so cold that it feels like it’s going to fall off and shatter like supermarket china on the floor. Maybe I should just knit gloves instead.
First problem – I don’t knit. I crochet, but you generally don’t get as tight of a weave with crochet as you do with knitting and I’m all about locking away body heat. Not one calorie shall be wasted keeping my body temperature at a toasty 96.8. I have a knitting book with a sassy name called Stitch N’ Bitch that explains how to knit, so I know I can overcome this problem. Though there will evidently be some bitching involved.
The second problem – how big should I make this sweater? Not only am I losing weight, but I don’t know how fast I can knit. The faster I lose weight, the smaller I should make it. But the faster I knit, the bigger I should make it.
This is a calculus problem! Related rates. Eleventh grade math. Mrs. Stewart. The crazy lighthouse problem. It’s all coming back to me, except of course how to actually do any of the math. I remember I really loved doing related rates, mostly because I was and am a loser geek. But even I didn’t know they had actual real world applications.
I probably shouldn’t even try making a sweater because I’ll just get bored of it. I did learn how to do a basic knit stitch in high school and started a really long black and white striped sweater – which is still unfinished over 7 years later. I seem to only have the patience for small projects like bags and hats. I think this is why I like to blog so much. Entries don’t have to hold my attention for too long.
Okay, I’m bored. Bye-bye.