November 11, 2005 at 10:46 am
Yesterday there was a woman who was fatter than me in line at the pharmacy and it made me happy that I wasn’t as big as her. Then I immediately felt bad for feeling so happy. Way to betray the sisterhood, huh? I shouldn’t have to mentally put down other women just so I feel good about myself.
Even though I know it is petty and wrong of me, I like it when I see someone who is fatter than me. Especially since a year ago I would have been fatter than this woman who made me wait at least five minutes in line while she got her three prescriptions filled. (This helped me feel less badly for ‘sizing’ her up.)
Comparing ourselves to other people isn’t just limited to size though. We constantly size people up so we know how we fit in society in relation to them. Is this person prettier than me? Is this person smarter than me? We need to know where we stand in relation to others so we know how to act around them and a lot of the time that first impression is determined by looks.
The silliest thing is that I’m hardly in a position to be bragging about my thinness. Sure, I’ve lost over 100 pounds, but I’m still very much a fat chick. No doubt about it. I’m proud of my progress, but it’s not like the people who pass me on street know about my metamorphosis. I still get categorized as a fat girl when they do their own internal audit of my looks. It’s possible the woman in line had lost weight too. How would I know?
So, I really need to knock it off already. I can feel good about myself and my accomplishments without mentally dissing someone else.
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"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein
4 Comments
shannon • November 11, 2005 at 2:38 pm
i found your website by sheer luck, and i am so glad that i did. you are truly an inspiration.
i first found you a couple of days ago and was actually frustrated when you didnt post yesterday. congrats on taking control of your life and being willing to share your journey! you have a new faithfull viewer.
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shannon • November 11, 2005 at 2:38 pm
one that really can spell faithful, she promises
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PastaQueen • November 11, 2005 at 8:10 pm
Aw, thanks. I love new readers! I try to post at least every other day, but work has been really draining this week, so I’ve been slacking. I’ll get back in the groove soon though, I’m sure.
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kathryn • November 14, 2005 at 7:15 am
I do that too – a lot of the time it’s because I have no concept of my size now. I’m always asking – is that girl bigger than me? My friends think I’m fishing for compliments but it’s because I genuinely don’t know.
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