I've moved to JennetteFulda.com


Oooh, I got tagged for a meme by CaloreLab. You like me, you really, really like me! Seriously though, I’m still adjusting to the fact that people are actually reading this thing and I’m no longer just sending entries into the endless void of the Internet.

Here’s my assignment, which I have chosen to accept: “Look at the 5th sentence of the 23rd post and ponder its meaning, subtext, or hidden agenda.” Now I’m having flashbacks to the reading comprehension section of the SATs. Aaah, standardized testing!

My sentence is: “I thought whatever was wrong had gotten better, so I made the long haul up the 3 flights of stairs, pausing on each landing for breath.” This post was made 14 months ago, back when I weighed 372 pounds and was attempting to walk up the stairs to the 4th floor. My mind was willing, but my knees were not – hence PAIN!

The entry itself is just another story about how it sucks to be morbidly obese, but it has some significance in my overall weight loss story. I never had what alcoholics call “a moment of clarity” regarding my weight loss. I’d known for at least a decade that I needed to lose weight. I told myself that every single day, so much so that I desensitized myself to the topic altogether. “Buy groceries, get gas, lose weight.” Just another thing to do. Someday.

Instead of one single life-changing moment, I instead experienced a grand crescendo of forces that finally shoved me into the successful (so far) lifestyle I’ve adopted. I had to have my gall bladder removed at the end of 2003, right after I’d turned 23. I was having problems getting health insurance. I was experiencing the normal trials of being fat – difficulty finding clothes, inability to buckle my seatbelt in a friend’s car, becoming easily winded walking small distances with friends, etc.

At about the same time as my stairway entry, my brother had lost a lot of weight on the South Beach Diet and was gently urging me to at least read the book. The fact that my knees hurt going down the stairs at the age of 23 seriously disturbed me. While it was not the single factor that finally kicked my ass into gear after so many false starts, it was one star in the constellation of reasons that coalesced in my life at the end of 2004.

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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Mae • October 4, 2005 at 9:16 am

While it was not the single factor that finally kicked my ass into gear after so many false starts, it was one star in the constellation of reasons that coalesced in my life at the end of 2004.

Thanks for that. I think that I’ve been waiting for for that lightbulb moment, that magic “click” you hear so much about. I think part of why I struggle so much is that I keep thinking, well… I haven’t had the “real” click. I’ve had wannabe clicks, but they weren’t legit.

I’d been thinking about this recently, and had started to conclude that there isn’t going to be a single, magical “click” for me. It’s not an on/off switch, as it seems to be for so many people. It’s going to be a process, a series of clicks… and I just need to freakin’ accept that.

So, thanks.


PastaQueen • October 4, 2005 at 11:46 pm

When I had my gall bladder surgery, I thought that was going to be my magic click moment. I got all determined to lose weight and then…I didn’t. It was over a year later before I actually started a regimen.

Good luck starting your multiple click sequence :)


Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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