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Drop the Shasta and No One Gets Hurt!

A couple days ago California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a law to ban sodas from school. While I think this is a step in the right direction, I hope people don’t believe this is going to cause kids to slim down. It’s like imposing stricter gun control laws. It might inhibit things a bit, but if you want to go out and shoot somebody you can still do it pretty easily.

I hardly ever bought soda at school and still became a real fatty. One year I would buy Everlasting Gobstoppers from the library at the end of our lunch break everyday. There was some weird rule that you couldn’t buy them during lunch. They’d unplug the soda machines during lunch too. I have no idea what the logic behind this rule was. I think it had something to do with the funding they got to pay for school lunches. They couldn’t compete against the lunch foods during the lunch period. I wonder if the librarians ever felt guilty selling a fat teenage girl a box of jawbreakers everyday, essentially making them my sugar dealers.

This was also the same year I didn’t even eat lunch because I didn’t have any friends in the 3rd lunch period. I’d just go to library and sit by my sad little self or occasionally with this social freak who wouldn’t leave me alone. Poor Spence, he really didn’t know how to talk to someone without being batshit annoying and creepy. And I say this as someone who does not possess that great a set of social skills herself, so you know it was bad. I sometimes wonder if he was an alien impersonating a human, trying to learn more about our culture.

I think this was also the same year I would eat 4 pieces of whole grain bread for breakfast on the bus each morning. One girl once asked if I kept the rest of the loaf in my backpack. Heh! It also wasn’t completely uncommon for me to whip up a bowl of frosting when I came home or a batch of fudge, though it wasn’t a daily or even weekly occurrence.

So to sum up, there was a year in high school where all I ate before 3:00pm was 4 pieces of whole grain bread and a box of what are essentially balls of hardened sugar. And when I did get home, I would sometimes binge on a bowl of frosting.

Do you ever wish you could invent a time machine for the sole purpose of going back in time to slap yourself?

My point being, and a I do have one, none of these shitty health choices had anything to do with the soda they sold at school. Thus, even if Schwarzenegger’s law had been in effect at my school, I would still be just as fat as I am today.

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3 Comments

Natalie • November 14, 2005 at 9:00 pm

Pastaqueen, this is a comment to not only this blog entry but the ones I have skipped around & read– you are SO funny! And it’s refreshing. You express yourself so well. I hope you have a job that pays you the big bucks for your talent. I’m going to bookmark your site & read often. Thanks. :)

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PastaQueen • November 14, 2005 at 10:58 pm

Awww, see now that just made my day :) My job doesn’t pay me big bucks (sadly), but the pleasant work environment makes up for it. Now if I could convert compliments to cash I’d be rich!

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Dana • July 25, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Yeah, but I don’t think schools have any business selling unhealthy foods to a captive audience. If I am required by law to send my children to school, they had better damn well take good care of them while they are there. (I know that homeschooling is an option, but school districts deliberately make it a pain in the ass. And it makes no sense. Be a homeschooler and fail to teach your kids to read above 6th grade level and they practically take your kids. Be a school and fail to teach your kids to read above 6th grade level and you’re… normal.)

I’ve heard horror stories over the years of kids getting suspended for interfering in some way with a cozy relationship between their school and Major Soda Brand Name. That’s creepy. I want no part of that and it’s one reason I will not be sending my daughter to school. If they won’t pass laws then fine, I want nothing to do with them. This is about more than fatness–this is about deliberate malnutrition.

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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