August 16, 2005 at 11:11 pm
I was tempted to take naked photos of myself throughout my weight loss endeavor, much like the clothed ones on my progress page, but just for myself. However, I ultimately decided that the best way to prevent naked pictures of myself from ever appearing on the Internet was to never take naked pictures of myself. So any changes in lumpiness of my ass or the size of that gut flab are mostly speculation on my part, skewed by the cloudiness and suggestibility of memory.
However, I think my tits are definitely getting perkier.
You get quite familiar with your body, seeing how you exist in it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is narcissistically fascinating to observe the slow changes my body is undergoing as my fat cells shrink.
The tits are the biggest issue for me. The first time I saw a woman’s naked breasts in a movie, I was really surprised. I didn’t realize the nipple was supposed to be that high up. My breasts have always been saggy, like a smooshed cone pointing downwards. As I’m losing weight, I think they’re lifting their little heads to the sky and looking much more spherical, like the scoop of ice cream instead of the waffle cone. As I’ve said before, what I have on my chest are basically man boobs. I bet a man who is as overweight as I am has about the same size chest. I wonder if I will have any breasts at all when I hit my goal weight or if I’ll look like I’ve had a mastectomy.
The gut flab is definitely smaller as well, but still big enough as evidenced by the nice slapping sound it made during my first game of “Dance, Dance Revolution” today. Those two footed jumps really make the cellulite bounce! Sometimes at night I’ll take a good hold of the gut flab and shake it up and down. If I sling it over my desk, I can scoot in a couple inches closer to the keyboard. I think it will be odd when my gut flab goes away (assuming it does) as I am a very fidgety person and I’m always biting my fingernails or picking at scabs or playing with my gut flab. More importantly, will I actually be able to see my vagina when I’m going to the bathroom?
And then there’s my big fat ass. When I was at Lane Bryant the other day, I was surprised at how I looked when I sat down in front of their big mirror. All that ass fat slides right around me like an inner tube. Eeew. I didn’t realize how bad that looked. So the ass – not as fat as before, but still way too fat. I wonder, will it hurt to sit down for long periods of time when that nice cushy layer of fat is gone?
Luckily after 95 pounds, I have no loose skin to speak of. Granted, I’m still over 100 pounds overweight, so who knows what will happen. But my waist has shrunk by 10 inches and there’s no real proof of it. My old stretch marks are almost reverse puckering. My upper arms still look like chicken wings. I hate them! Floppy, floppy, floppy. I hope someday I can wear sleeveless shirts without being self-conscious about the arm flab.
Even though this entry probably contains TMI (too much information), I think it’s important for me to document it. I’m so used to my own body that it might be easy to forget all these mechanics that I now take for granted.