August 10, 2004 at 11:06 am
Maybe if I were vain I would have lost weight sooner.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I’ve never been obsessed with my looks. I don’t wear make-up, I don’t shave my legs, and I barely look in the mirror before I leave. Maybe this is also partly effect as well as cause. At 300+ pounds is anyone really going to give a shit if I have hairy legs or not?
Growing up I never weighed myself. I was completely unaware of what I weighed at any time, which probably contributed to my inability to realize when I was gaining weight. Maybe if I was a Narcissus I would have paid more attention to my exterior and made changes to correct what I saw as flaws.
But I’ve always been more focused on my internal life, on my thoughts and observations, and not on making myself look hot. Of course I knew I was overweight. I wanted to be thin, to wear the short skirts and the high boots. It just wasn’t my major preoccupation in life. Maybe if I were vain I would have been scared enough and motivated enough to exercise more than once a month.