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Always the Fat GIrl

I suspect that even if I do get down to 160 or 140 pounds, I will still feel like a fat girl. Being fat has become part of my identity, just like being smart or being good with computers.

To not be that girl anymore will be weird. It would be like suddenly becoming very stupid or to suddenly have excellent social skills. It’s not part of what I’ve come to define as “me.”

I think if I do lose weight it will take me several years at least to adjust to the personal changes it causes in me as well as the changes in which society treats me. I’m used to being ignored in public, to never have guys check me out or hit on me, to shopping only at the fat girl stores like Lane Bryant. I think I’ll come to realize just how much obesity changes the way people treat me when I cease to be obese.

I look forward to seeing how much my physical change will change the perceptions of everyone around me as well as my perception of myself.

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8 Comments

Anne-Marie • February 1, 2006 at 11:30 am

Will you actually notice the differences in peoples attitudes once you are thin? I mean…getting down to your goal weight will take a while and the way people treat you will slowly change over that time. You might have gotten used to the new treatment by then and not notice a difference. It would be more shocking if your (and I) were suddenly slim tomorrow. Than the difference in attitude would be far more noticeble.

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Kate • March 20, 2006 at 4:41 pm

OK, I know I’m 2 years late on this, but whatever. I can attest to the difference in the way people treat you depending on your weight. I went from 211 to 165. It’s not like it was a huge loss, but it definitely had an impact on how people treated me. As much as I had a lot of fun with new attention from guys, I also had a hard time handling it in a healthy way. Of course, I didn’t notice what a hard time I was having until I’d regained 20 of the lbs I’d lost.

Anyway, pastaqueen, your success is so inspiring. Keep it up!!!

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PastaQueen • March 21, 2006 at 9:25 pm

Kate – It’s so weird reading my old entries! I can’t remember half the stuff I’ve said. Anyway, this year should be pretty interesting because I’m slowly easing my way from “obese” to simply “overweight,” so I suspect I will start seeing changes in the way I am treated by the fall. I’ll keep you guys posted.

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Erica • July 26, 2006 at 1:41 pm

Another archive reader here – even though weight loss takes time, the way that people treat you changes too dramatically to not notice, at least in my experience (also 200ish to 155). Sure, it may change gradually, but it as least as apparent as the weight loss itself. If you’ve been fat your whole life, having people treat you normally is pretty hard to ignore. I definitely noticed big changes around the obese-overweight line. And congratulations, PQ, you rock!!

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Brigittte • May 12, 2007 at 8:18 am

I am reading your archives to sorry for the late entry. I lost 70 pounds a few years ago, going from 245 to 175, size 18 to 10, and man at work would treat me so differently. I actually told a guy, I am the same person inside that I was 6 months ago. But one of those man told me : you are in fact very different. Not physically but mentally. We gain assurance and self confidence when we lose weight. And we stand and walk differently. :)

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Treva • July 4, 2008 at 6:24 pm

I remember when this happened to me in reverse. I left for college weighing 135 and came back a year later weighing over 200 lbs. I started working at the same place I had worked before college. It took awhile to understand why I was treated differently. Guys didn’t hit on me like they did before – even women seemed to treat me differently. I felt the same and never even thought about being treated differently because of the weight gain so I don’t believe the change in others behavior was a reaction to how I felt about myself. In one of your earlier entries you wrote about how you never realized how large you were. Well, I think that was what was going on with me when I gained the weight. I just didn’t realize how different I looked to others. Oh well, it will be interesting to see how it is going the other way. I’m over 300 lbs. now and slowly heading back down. I love this blog – it’s very encouraging!

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Laci • September 15, 2008 at 11:20 pm

I just read your book and now I am reading your archives…it’s so inspiring. I remember when I used to have a 30 inch waist and I thought I was so fat. Now, I am as big as I was when I was 9 months pregnant, 270 lbs! I am tall (5’11”) and my weight is evenly distributed. My belly doesn’t stick out or my butt too much, it just seems as though someone has “zoomed in” on me and placed me back in with people in a regular view, if that even makes any sense. So, though I am fat, I look down and can easily verify that I am female, as you had so eloquently put it. I don’t feel fat…I feel like I have smooth lines down the sides of my body and such…so it’s like if I lost weight I would shrink equally from all sides and still look exactly as I do now except in smaller dimensions. I guess the point I am making is that i never really notice how fat I really am until I see a photo of myself (the ones I am not strategically looking up to make my face thinner looking) and it always shocks me. Also, I am sorry that this comment does not really make sense and it is probably longer than your blog posting, I have a cold and have had much dayquil today.

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Fi • October 31, 2008 at 8:56 am

Laci I don’t know if you’ll ever see this but I know exactly what you mean about the ‘zoom in’ thing – I describe it as having been enlarged to a scale of 1.5!! I am the same as you I think, smooth lines but looking bigger than most people all the same. I am 5’7″ and weigh 180lbs down from 194lbs, just about 10-15lbs to go I think – I know I will never be stick thin!

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JennetteFulda.com now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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