I suspect that even if I do get down to 160 or 140 pounds, I will still feel like a fat girl. Being fat has become part of my identity, just like being smart or being good with computers.
To not be that girl anymore will be weird. It would be like suddenly becoming very stupid or to suddenly have excellent social skills. It’s not part of what I’ve come to define as “me.”
I think if I do lose weight it will take me several years at least to adjust to the personal changes it causes in me as well as the changes in which society treats me. I’m used to being ignored in public, to never have guys check me out or hit on me, to shopping only at the fat girl stores like Lane Bryant. I think I’ll come to realize just how much obesity changes the way people treat me when I cease to be obese.
I look forward to seeing how much my physical change will change the perceptions of everyone around me as well as my perception of myself.