Now that I moved to Germany (where people are certainly fatter than in Spain, my homeland) and I've gained a little weight I am afraid I will become, again, one of those girls and people will just think "stop eating" when they see me.

I hope your post will help me to be a better person.

As much as I want to reach the stage you've arrived at in this whole weight loss thing, I am also quite scared of it. To an extent, I imagine it to be a daily struggle - trying to keep your slim figure as a former obese person. I guess I should worry about that when I get there, though ;)

Btw,living in Germany myself, I do actually see quite a lot of people who are overweight alongside me. Throughout school/university there was always someone who at least had my size.

I can only imagine what it must have felt like to endure obesity in a world that places so much importance on aesthetics. When I read your blog I think about the discomfort you felt and the gratitude you feel for no longer having to live in that world. As awful as it was, it's ok to not think about how grateful you are for no longer having to endure that shame and abuse, but to just enjoy your new body. Yes, it's part of who you are, but as you said, you are no longer that person. Maybe there's fear you might gain it back if you don't suffer the memories of how awful it was? I don't think that pain can keep you healthy. You are thin because you "are always looking out for future me". And it sounds like the bitch IS very grateful! You are amazing.
:)

I feel much the same way about the body-misery I went through as a teenager. I really did hate my body. I really did think the way I looked was totally unacceptable. I remember feeling hopeless and despairing, but it all seems rather distant.

Thing is? I'm slightly bigger now than I was then. The size I was then is my goal. Three things have changed, I suppose: I'm not fourteen any more; I'm happier for other reasons; everyone around me is also not fourteen.

I think it's important to remember that feelings were real, even if the reasons behind them weren't as compelling as they might have been... Even if I'd been much, much bigger, things wouldn't have been hopeless, would they?

xxox

I just love that, the whole concept of being able to know what it is like on both sides of the fence. I have matured and grown the most when I have learned or experienced something that enables me to see from both sides of the aisle, regardless of the topic. It becomes more difficult to feel judgmental or bitter towards someone when you realize that each and every person has a story behind the way they are, good or bad.

I always enjoy your insights, your writing is fantastic.

You are a gifted writer and a good soul.

Thank you :)

Cant wait for your book to be out!

I just found this blog about a week ago, finally caught up. You are an inspiration. Proof that it IS possible, even if you have to lose a whole person.

At this rate we're all going to end up despising ourselves and everyone else. (Not we who follow this blog, speaking generally...)

This was a great post, thoroughly enjoyed it. Like many of your readers I have lost and gained many, many pounds. AT one point, lost 100 which was my ultimate goal, and couldn't ever imagine going back to my former fat self. Thought I was finally "cured". Uh-huh....Gained 50 back. I guess I tried to convince myself that "at least I'm still down 50" but 50 pounds makes a big difference. For me it was the difference between a size 5 and a size 16. Very hard on the psyche. I understand what you mean about mostly forgetting what it felt like to be obese. I felt that way too. It's amazing how quickly those feelings can come back, though. On the bright side, I'm on my way down again...13 down, 37 to go! By the way, I'll be in line to buy your book when it comes out...

I keep writing lame-ass philosophical/emotional responses to this brilliant and deeply insightful post but none are good enough to submit.

I hear you. I have such memories in my life (though they're not necessarily weight-related), and I now consider many of them assets.

Every sentence before this starts with I. It makes me feel like a narcissist.

Lovely post.

adrienne

The fact that 98% of all people who lose weight regain it within 3 to 5 years is always in the back of my mind. After the 5 year point, are you considered to be in remission?

In answer to The Lassie's comment - for me, at least, maintaining my weight as a FFP *is* a daily struggle. I was just posting about that today over at Angry Fat Girlz. For me, it's practically equivalent to having a second job.

One of the most promising studies that the article notes comes from the National Weight Control Registry. The doctors who created the registry in 1993 ask people to join who have lost more than 30 lbs. and maintained that weight loss for at least a year. (PQ, you should join!) Here is a quote from the 1999 NY Times article:

"To their surprise, Dr. Wing and Dr. Hill found that on average the respondents had maintained a 67-pound weight loss for five years. Between 12 and 14 percent had maintained a loss of more than 100 pounds."

That definitely seems to be more exciting than the 98% (or 95%) figure that seems to be pounded into our brains.

Thanks for the research E. Noel! I'm already in the NWCR, by the way. I had to fill out a big survey about what I eat and portion sizes. It took a long time.

That study from the 1950's doesn't sound very convincing to me. They only followed 100 people, a very small sample. Plus life has changed a lot from the 1950's especially in the types of food available and people's activity levels. They didn't even have microwaves back then! How could you eat your Hot Pockets without a microwave? - PQ

I could spend hours reading through your archives. Beautifully written, and I will be for sure buying your book!

You deserve all the happiness in the world. You've obviously worked very hard to get there!