Let them not have cake!

We’ve merged with another department at work, and not since the Indians threw a party for the Pilgrims has there been this much food proffered as a greeting. At the meeting announcing the merger there were chocolate-iced donuts sitting in a pink box at the back of the room. At the new monthly departmental meeting there were cookies passed around the table, sweet chocolate wafting right past my nose as I passed them on. Last week there were bagels (a shitload of bagels, like bagel diarrhea) on the kitchenette table all day long to entice the departments to mingle. And yesterday, I got an email announcing the monthly pitch-in that is a tradition in the other department. God only knows how we’ll celebrate birthdays, but I’m assuming it will involve several sticks of butter and a defibrillator in the corner in case of emergency. The pitch-in announcement said something like, “Who doesn’t want an excuse for a pitch in?” PastaQueen raises her hand.

I’d like to take this opportunity to announce that I am anti-cake [...]

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