For the white elephant gift exchange at work this week I recycled the gift I got last year – a $10 gift certificate to White Castle and a bottle of Beano. In exchange, I got an electric fish (who I have named Albert). Most of the office was surprised when I stole Albert from a coworker instead of grabbing for the expensive chocolates or coffee grinder. They think he is tacky, but I think he is the most beautiful fishy in the history of fishes! He’s all swirly colored! I don’t care what other people think. Albert is swimming happily in place on my desk, until the day he inevitably “mysteriously” disappears or finds a coral reef to better occupy him.

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At the office Christmas lunch yesterday we exchanged white elephant gifts. This has nothing to do with albino pacaderms from Africa, but instead is a ritual where everyone brings a wrapped gift that may be something good, something regifted, or something purposely hilarious. We drew numbers to determine turns and when your round came up you could either grab a new unwrapped present or steal something from someone else, who would then have to either steal something else or unwrap a new present.

My curiosity got the best of me, so I went for the largest gift and opened it to discover four bags of disposable write boards and pens with the company logo on them that can be hung on door knobs. Fortunately, it also came with some gift cards for music downloads, otherwise hauling that gift to the dumpster would have been my workout for the day. I was shocked when someone actually stole it from me, at which point I unwrapped a new gift and got a Starbucks card, which was stolen so [...]

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