Photo by thingsarebetterwithaparrott / by NCND 2.0 CC

My neurologist told me to lose weight and I thought, “So, it has come to this, has it?” The last time a doctor told me to lose weight, I weighed about 350 pounds and was preparing to have my gallbladder removed. To make the day even more perfect, the neurologist’s nurse had weighed me on one of those old scales with big metal counterweights that slide left to right. I thought the digital revolution had rid us of those scales and the drawn out torture of watching the nurse politely start at a lower number and then slide, slide, slide, slide you up to a much bigger number.

I know people have various reactions to a doctor telling them they’re fat, but my first thought was, “Yeah, of course I need to lose weight.” Let us not forget the pant-splitting incident in January precipitated by the 50-pounds of headache weight gain (which I actually had forgotten until I was searching the archives for something else and found that entry). [...]

• Continue reading "Things never happen the same way twice"

I’ve lost weight this week even though I haven’t really been trying to (any more than I ever am). Weight loss used to be my biggest hobby, and now it’s something I do when I get around to it, like the laundry. It’s still on my mind, but sometimes the pounds pile up rather high before I can knock them off again, leading me to a life of weight maintenance instead of weight loss. My loss happened despite eating pizza two out of the last three days too. Go figure.

I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly I did so I can keep on doing it. All I can guess is that I’ve kept my self happily distracted the past week with work, TV, Internet surfing, and socializing. The socializing included pizza and cake though, so I don’t know how that figures in. I’ve felt happier and bouncier ever since the sun returned to Indiana. The secret to weight loss might be happiness. I know people tend to believe weight loss leads to happiness, but [...]

• Continue reading "If you’re happy and you know it, lose some weight"

So, last week I split my pants.

Thankfully I was at home, and the only person who saw a flash of my clean white undies was my roommate (and possibly the two cats). Regardless of what we ultimately blame for this incident, be it the textile industry or the size of my ass, one cannot ignore that this is a stereotypically fat-person thing to do. I may as well have sat on a chair which collapsed beneath me. As I mentioned on Wednesday, I clearly need help.

If my life were an episode of that old VH1 series, “Behind the Music,” this moment in my life would be the time when I hit rock bottom after spiraling downward in a heroin and cocaine fueled whirlwind, only I used ice cream and chocolate instead. For those of you just entering the story, I developed a chronic headache two years ago that really f*$%ed me up. It changed the way I thought about food, making me see it more as a coping mechanism than I ever had before.

While [...]

• Continue reading "One more time in 2010"

For the past two Januaries, I’ve written out a list of 3-5 goals I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. I’ve also reflected on last year’s goals to see if I did what I wanted to do. I like to at least attempt to have forward momentum in my life, and having my list of goals above my desk helps with that.

Here’s where I stand with my 2009 goals:

1) Continue to pursue headache treatments

I first went to the headache clinic in January of 2009. Within a few months, we were managing my headache much better, though not ridding me of it completely. We’re still tweaking meds, but overall this goal was pretty much met.

2) Work to become full-time freelancer

I chucked my job in July of 2009 and haven’t looked back. I don’t know how I ever coped with working in an office in the first place. I still don’t have a long-term health insurance solution, but I’ll deal with that at the end of 2010. Another goal accomplished!

3) Maintain my weight with regular fitness [...]

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A Nutella Panini. Crepes with ice cream and chocolate sauce. A Cornish pasty. A custard filled donut with chocolate icing and white chocolate flakes. A Kit Kat McFlurry. A McCrispy. Pain au chocolat. Fish and chips. A whole pizza. A praline tart.

Those are the things I ate on vacation.

When I stepped on the scale Wednesday morning, I held my breath, stared at the nail hole in the closet wall in front of me, and dreaded looking down when the scale beeped. Then I exhaled and smiled because I had lost four pounds. I suppose all that nonsense about French women not getting fat was true.

Even though I ate all those scrumptious, delectable foods listed above, I also walked so far that my feet hurt at the end of every day. I walked and walked and walked because I knew something old and/or magnificent was hiding just around the corner, like a Metro stop leading back to the hotel. I probably walked 6 or 7 miles every day. I got blisters. I walked and walked and [...]

• Continue reading "French women don’t get fat"