I looked up my old post about LASIK surgery recently so I could give the link to a friend who’s considering the procedure. I’m not sure what word best describes the feeling I get when reading old posts, but it’s similar to the feeling I get when looking at old yearbook photos. It’s some combination of surprised/awkward/insightful/nostalgic. Surprawkinosalgic? Take note, Merriam-Webster, the first usage of that word started here!

I haven’t read through the entire blog since I wrote Half-Assed, and I don’t have any plans (or the time) to do so any time soon. Yet it’s surprawkinosalgic to see how my writing tone and approach have evolved over the years, and even more surprawkinosalgic to see how I myself have changed .

This section jumped out at me from the LASIK post, which I wrote before the bit about a laser burning out my eyeballs:

It was a pretty fun waiting room to be in since everyone was there by choice and was going to experience an improvement in the quality of their life. It wasn’t like other hospital waiting rooms where people tensely clasp Styrofoam cups of coffee waiting to learn if their loved ones will be okay. They had china coffee cups here. And cookies. I admit, I had a cookie, which I justified with the fact that I had to go home and take a five hour nap after the procedure. That cookie was lunch. And sooooo yummy. Good to know some of my cash was going towards quality bakery products.

I read this and immediately thought, “Wow, I used to be kinda’ psycho about cookies, didn’t I?” Today I would just eat the cookie and not have a Hamlet-esque debate about whether to eat the cookie or not to eat the cookie. And I certainly wouldn’t feel the need to justify eating the cookie to my blog readers. It’s a cookie. Get over it, Past-PastaQueen!

Of course, one could argue this change in my cookie-eating policies has led to my fat for FitBloggin’ dilemma. You’re probably right, Mr. Hypothetical Arguer Man. Now go away. Nobody likes you. This might be an example of how shifts in mental attitude affect weight loss and weight maintenance, but I can’t say I regret my more laidback attitude. I have often wondered if someone who’s lost a ton of weight has to become a fitness and health fanatic for the rest of their life to keep it off, or if they can just integrate it into a normal part of the life that is not any more or less important than other things in their life.

That there might be the “problem,” so to speak, which has led me to regain some weight (along with that whole constant chronic pain thing). I’m not a total psycho cookie monster anymore. When I wrote the LASIK entry, weight-loss was my biggest hobby. I wrote about it all the time. I thought a lot about preparing meals and planning my exercise routine. I read lots of weight-loss blogs. These days, I still think about exercise and meal planning and all that, but not with the intensity that I used to. And perhaps more importantly, I don’t miss it. That might be the reason I haven’t been bothered to work hard enough to get back down to my lowest weight again. I’m not miserable enough. Life is fine. Given the choice between going through life as a thinner person who is psycho about cookies and being a fatter person who isn’t, I think I’d go with the fat person. Actually, I’m sure I’d go with the fat person because, hey, I own a mirror. I also don’t care if people care if I care or not, which probably speaks more about my growth as a human being than it does to anything weight-loss related.

Whether you think that’s a good thing or a bad thing is up to you, but I’m ok living life like that today. As long as I’m not eating a box of Lofthouse crack cookies every night, I think treats are fine, especially when you’re about to undergo a procedure that has a teeny, tiny possibility of blinding you for life. Life’s too short to freak out about cookies. I think Cookie Monster would agree.

There is a part of me that wishes I could lose 50 pounds before the FitBloggin’ conference in two weeks. I can’t deny that. I’m not as thin as I used to be, but I’m not as fat as I used to be either. I could get into all the reasons for that, blah, blah, blah, excuses, defensiveness, marshmallows. But that’s not really important. What’s important is that I’m going anyway.

One of the things I learned from my weight loss is that your body isn’t holding you back in all the ways you think it is. Most of the problems you had before you lose weight will still be there after you lose weight unless you do work on your inner self as well as your outer self. And while the fat me from 6 years ago (dear me, has it been 6 years?) probably would have been too self-conscious to attend a conference all about health and fitness, the less-fat-but-still-undeniably-fat me of today shall not only be attending, but presenting too. ( I should really start putting together my presentation, shouldn’t I?)

It’s not your fat that holds you back, it’s you. And I’m not going to hold myself back, because I’d really like to see all my friends who will be attending. Shauna is flying in from Scotland! Roni is running the whole darn thing and raising a newborn! I’ll get to meet Rebecca in person after working on her web sites for months! And all these lovely people will be there too, some who I do know and many who I don’t.

So, yes, I will be there. And there will be more of me there than there would have been two or three years ago. If you’re going to be fat at FitBloggin’ too, don’t worry. I’ve got your back, and I’ve got your back fat too. See you there!

A long time ago in a universe far, far away I ordered a lil’ blue “Just 10″ wristband from the Doctor Oz show. I ordered it so long ago that I do not remember how I heard about it or when I filled out the web form requesting it. I do think they said shipping could take 6-10 weeks, so I’m evidently incapable of remembering anything before October of 2010. How was Labor Day, y’all? I can’t recall.

The wristband is part of The Just 10 Challenge started by Doctor Oz (or more likely a producer of his TV show). The program motivates overweight people to lose just 10 pounds because even that small amount of weight loss can lower your blood pressure, reduce your risk for a stroke, ward off dementia, lower your risk for uterine and breast cancer, and lower your cholesterol up to 10%. So says the web site anyway, and the Internet would not lie to me, not the sweet Internet that sings me to sleep with digital MP3s.

The blue “Just 10″ wristband was free, but it looks like the program is over because the web page to order one on Zapppos.com is now redirecting to their main site. Sorry! It also appears there are a few available on eBay if you don’t mind paying for something that’s supposed to be free.

Anyway, I’ve always thought these little wristbands made of rubber, plastic, or alien, space-age materials were rather dorky. I’ve seen the yellow LiveStrong wristbands and they rarely match what the person attached to the wrist is wearing (which might be the point: to stand out). I’ve also thought they make the wearer seem a bit smug and morally superior, as if they are flaunting their do-gooder-ness for a particular cause. But I am an evil girl who is going to get nasty comments, so you don’t have to bother telling me what hell smells like because I’ll find out on my own eventually.

I felt like a dork ordering this wristband, but I did it anyway because I do want to lose weight and I figured it wouldn’t hurt me, only the environment, because we don’t have enough plastic/rubber/space bracelets in the landfills as it is. How will future civilizations now about our weight obsession without going through our trash and finding this thing?

I’ve had it for three days now and…it sort of helps. When I was at the National Figure Skating Championships earlier this week, I walked past a cotton candy vendor and thought, “Mmmmmm, cotton candy.” But then I fingered by wristband and snapped it against my forearm once or twice and thought, “God damn you, Doctor Oz!” And I walked on.

Then the other night I was laying on the couch, my headache was amped up a bit, and I was seriously thinking of driving to the grocery to get some ice cream. Then I fingered the bracelet again, and I stayed on the couch cursing Doctor Oz instead.

The bracelet fits snugly halfway up my forearm. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s tight enough that I do notice it’s there once ever few hours. I like how it says “Just 10,” too. It’s the “Just” that’s endearing. It’s not, “Holy Shit, 50 pounds? For real?” or “Realistically? One year to goal.” It’s like an optimistic yet not overly perky friend who’s breaking down a big task into small parts for me. Just 10 for now! We’ll figure out the rest later.

So, yes, I like the dorky blue bracelet! I plan to keep on wearing it, at least until I forget it’s there or it cuts off my circulation and turns my whole hand blue to match. Either way, I plan to keep on hating Doctor Oz for awhile.

I just wanted to pop in and let you know it’s my sixth fativersary. Six years ago I started my weight loss journey. You can also read about what I was doing on my second fativersary, my fourth fativersary, and my fifth fativersary. I evidently didn’t notice or care about my first and third fativersary.

I probably shouldn’t celebrate this event with cake, right?

I can tell it’s weight-loss season because I’ve gotten more emails asking for weight-loss advice in the past two weeks than I did for the last two months. I think some people are finding this site and my email address after they purchased my book Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir. If so, thanks for buying the book! I truly appreciate the support. Eighteen months ago I quit my job to freelance full-time as a web designer and writer. (That’s right. I stuck it to the man! And the man has yet to stick me back.) So, I depend on book royalties to pay rent and buy lots of chocolate healthy veggies. I guess that means it’s really my landlord and Food Lion that thank you.

In the interest of full disclosure, I want to reiterate a fact that I’ve blogged about and posted on my About page, which is that in the past three years I’ve gained back about 50 pounds from my lowest weight. This was mainly due to a never-ending headache from hell, but eventually apathy and boredom snuck in there, too. So much so that for the past few months I haven’t been eating that healthy, nor have I been exercising regularly. So, when people write me asking how to lose weight (or “loose” weight, because the only thing worse than too much weight is tight weight) I’ve felt an urge to reply, “I dunno! Ask someone else! And bring me a cookie!”

However, it’s the new year, and the resolution I made six years ago (Dear God, has it been that long? Am I really 30?) worked out pretty well, so I thought I’d make another one. My resolution isn’t to start a diet or run another half-marathon or anything like that, it’s just to make better food choices and to work out at least three times a week.

There is a part of me that looks back on the time when I was exercising 6 days a week for 30-60 minutes and cooking dinner every night and thinks, “You should jump right back into that again!” But there is a more realistic part of me that thinks it’s silly to go from 0 to maniac in a day. Working out 3 days a week is better than working out none. I also think diets are silly, so I prefer to frame my new eating behavior in my mind as “making better choices.” If I make better food choices, choices that do not involve buying Krispy Kreme donuts at 10 o’clock at night, than I’m doing better than I was before, even if I’m not eating as healthy as I did at my peak. Really, it all comes down to choices. Everything in life comes down to choices, outside of what we can’t control like earthquakes and tsunamis and neighbors who play bagpipes.

I’ve been keeping a food diary, recording my weight on the wall calendar every day and then writing my exercise for the day down next to it. (And if you haven’t done Pilates or lifted weights for over a year, be prepared not to be lifting anything for three days afterward. Or sitting up.) So, I’ve got a plan, I’ve got accountability, and it’s been going pretty well for the past week. Then I’ll make it through the next week and the week after that, just like I have with my headache. One day at a time, people.

Most important of all, besides the optimism and hope of change that comes with the new year, I feel like I’m more mentally in the game right now that I have been for any time in the past few years. In that time I’ve had to deal with an ongoing medical problem, learn how to manage my own business, and I moved to another state. There was a lot of shit going on, and weight loss honestly wasn’t that important. I still weigh over 100 pounds less than I did at my heaviest, so it’s not like my weight has been making me miserable and trapping me in my home like it used to. I’m not back at square one, I’m back at square 50 out of 200. It’s been manageable, if not optimal, which might be why weight loss hasn’t been the primary occupation in my life like it was when it was destroying my life.

Right now I’m feeling my freelancing groove, I’ve settled into my new home, and my headache has been staying pretty steady at a 1 out of 5 on my latest medication cocktail. (Unfortunately it has the side effect of making my heart skip beats occasionally, which the doctor says is not a big deal nor is it the life-threatening, call-911-NOW-PLEASE!!! condition you would immediately assume it is when you feel your heart pause and then make a big THUMPing jumpstart. It’s freaky, but better than a headache!)

So, here we go 2011! Here’s to better choices! My heart’s already skipping a beat in anticipation.

I got to chat with Jared last Thursday on a conference call with four other bloggers: Courtney from My Dallas Mommy, Julie from Wii Mommies, Mindi from Moms Need to Know, and Jessica from Fringies…Knitting with One Needle. I also want to apologize to them because I was the moron who kept accidentally hitting buttons with her cheek for the first 10 minutes. As I said, I’m thirty now and can no longer operate technology.

The roundtable nature of the interview created a nice conversational atmosphere, and we got to learn a lot about Jared, his foundation, and his training as he prepares to run the New York City Marathon on November 7. (Good luck, dude!) Jared seems like a nice, down-to-earth guy, who’s still grateful for all the opportunities Subway has given him. Here’s what he had to say on a variety of topics, based on my notes and questions he answered from all the bloggers. (And I admit, I stole most of my questions from your comments on my last Jared entry.):

How do you maintain your healthy eating and training schedule while traveling for Subway gigs?
“It is by far the hardest challenge,” Jared said. When you travel, especially for business, you have to remember you’re not on vacation. You have to make healthy eating a priority. Jared tries to ask about what restaurants he’ll be eating at so he can prepare in advance. He orders sauces and dressings on the side, but the key is to stay “mentally strong.”

You’re very recognizable as the Subway spokesman, but do you ever eat at competitor’s restaurants like McDonalds or Pizza Hut?
Jared laughed and said he doesn’t go to any quick service restaurants because they don’t serve food he wants to be eating. He also said that he’s aware that the Subway spokesman probably shouldn’t be seen at those places. “You don’t want to see me under the golden arches.” However, he wanted us to know he doesn’t eat Subway for every meal. When he eats out, it’s at sit-down restaurants.

How did you become the Subway guy?
Believe it or not, Jared didn’t have a 5-year-plan or 10-year-plan to become the Subway spokesman. He was a business major at Indiana University when a friend wrote an article about his weight loss for the paper. That led to more articles and television interviews until the Subway spokesperson opportunity came up. When he graduated, he had to decide if he wanted to keep pursuing the Subway gig or get “a real job.” He decided to stick with Subway as long as it was still fun and he wanted to do it.

When I trained for a half-marathon, I had to take some days off for injuries. Have you faced any obstacles like that in your training?
Yes, running is completely new to Jared, but he knows you have good days and bad days. The important things is to have the mental will to push through the bad days. He’s fortunate that he hasn’t had any knee problems like I did from damage I did when I was overweight. He’s come to like running, and plans on continuing to run 5-8 mile distances after the marathon. He’s never gotten the runner’s high, but he loves the feeling of accomplishment he gets at the end of a long run.

What has training for the marathon been like?
“Twenty-six miles is a very, very, very long way to go.” Jared has been building up to the distance and has successfully completed several shorter races, including a half-marathon. He says he breaks it up mile by mile. He allows himself 20-30 seconds of walking at each mile. That’s time he uses to drink fluids and mentally recharge. He’s also got a watch with GPS, heart monitor, and pace intervals that he uses to monitor his progress. He’d like to finish the marathon in about 5 hours, but his real goal is to simply complete it no matter what his time.

What advice do you have for other who want to lose weight?
Phase 1 is losing weight. Phase 2 through infinity is keeping the weight off, which is much harder than Phase 1. “Until they create a carrot stick that tastes as good as a mozzarella stick, it will be difficult.” The key is to find exercise that is fun to do and not a chore.

Congrats on your recent marriage! Is your wife a runner? Does she go on training runs with you?
Jared’s wife is not a long-distance runner, but she leads an active life. Sometimes she’ll run a mile with him on a training run and then turn back home. She’s been very understanding of his training schedule. Jared admits, “I’ve seen my trainer this year a lot more than my wife.”

What are some of the best experiences you’ve had as a result of being the Subway guy?
Jared’s gotten to attend the Superbowl for several years, which he loves as a big sports fan. He also enjoys meeting with Little League teams. He got to meet President George W. Bush when he was in office, and Bush told him that at the Texas ranch he’d often ask the secret service guys to run out and get him Subway sandwiches. Jared also got to meet President Obama before he was president, but after the Democratic Convention speech that made him famous. Jared was walking down a hallway and recognized Obama, but wasn’t going to bother him. A few seconds after they’d passed he heard Obama say, “Jared?” They then had a conversation and Obama said he likes how Subway is toasting their subs now.

Can you talk about your foundation?
The Jared Foundation aims to stop childhood obesity. Jared particularly emphasized that he wants to find techniques that actually work, and not just ideas that sound good but have little impact. They’re starting a pilot program in Indianapolis (where Jared lives) in which they’re handing out pedometers to school children and challenging them to reach a certain number of steps.

You’ve been doing this for around 11 years now. What question do you get asked a lot that you’re absolutely sick of answering?
Jared laughed and said one common misperception people have is that he only eats Subway. He wants us to know he does eat other foods. He also feels lucky that people still care, and he hasn’t had to get a “real job” yet.

And where did you get those cool specs?
Jared laughed. “They’re Burberry.”

Thanks to Jared for taking the time to talk to us! As part of the Subway Commit to Fit program, I’m giving away a $25 Subway gift card. To enter, post a comment below listing what your favorite Subway sandwich/cookie/wrap/salad/whatever is. You must be a US resident to enter. The contest ends at 11:59pm on Thursday, November 4, 2010. Winner will be drawn randomly. For more information about the Commit to Fit program and for a chance to win up to $26,200, visit the Subway Facebook page.

The title of this book made me wary at first, but I decided to give it a chance because I’d heard a segment on This American Life with the author a few years ago that I liked about the topic of his last book, Money for Nothing: One Man’s Journey Through the Dark Side of Lottery Millions. Thankfully, what I got was a light-hearted, self-deprecating, weight-loss memoir written from the male perspective, which is certainly the under-represented gender in weight-loss tales.

Ed Ugel’s weight problem becomes an issue when he gains 43 pounds in a year due to depression brought on by various life problems. After his wife complains of his loud snoring, he’s diagnosed with sleep apnea. His weight-loss is largely motivated by the desire to be rid of the CPAP machine that helps him breathe through the night, but is so uncomfortable and odd-looking that it frightens his daughter.

We follow Ed as he slowly eases into his new routines, loses weight over the holidays, suffers relapses and binges, pretends to order for two in the drive-through, but keeps seeing his trainer, playing racquetball, and struggling through it all in a way most anyone who’s lost weight can relate to. During the process, Ed realizes he’s a food addict who uses food like a drug. Ed is also a foodie, which his dietician says gives him the best chance of keeping the weight off because foodies have the skills to make their meals taste good. Ed’s comments about food addiction vs. being a foodie, and how one doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the other, were particularly interesting.

Superficially, this book reminded me of Jen Lancaster’s Such a Pretty Fat, which is another book that was pitched on the promise that the author would lose weight for it, though Lancaster and Ugel have their own distinct styles. Specifically, there are a lot more poop jokes in this one (it must be a guy thing?), and I admit I skipped the section about colon cleansing because I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW.

Ed was super-kind to take the time to answer a few questions for me below. You can buy I’m With Fatty: Losing Fifty Pounds in Fifty Miserable Weeks at Amazon and visit EdwardUgel.com for more reviews, upcoming book events and more.

Speaking as one author of a weight-loss memoir to another, did you obsess over looking as thin as possible in your author photo like I did? I found myself Googling the phrase “how to look thin in photos” the night before my picture was taken.

Oh. Lord. Yes. Not to mention, once I heard that I was booked on the Today Show…with the HD camera—nightmare. I thought long and hard about wearing a burka to the taping—that or hiring an actor to play the part of Ed Ugel for the national TV audience. Still, in the end, my book is about learning to accept that person looking back at you in the mirror every morning, no matter how many chins he/she might have. Doing all this media and book tour appearances has actually been quite cathartic. Standing there in front of people and saying, “This is me, for better or worse,” has been a long time coming. Frankly, it feels great.

How did you choose the title I’M WITH FATTY? At first glance I thought the title might be intended to bash fat people, but after I read the book I saw it more as a reflection of the negative feelings you had about yourself after your bout with depression and the 40-something-pound weight gain that came with it.

The title of the book is a hard one to wrap my arms around. That word, “FATTY” is so polarizing, so deeply rooted in a lot of folks psychology—especially mine. It’s meant to shock you, to catch your eye, to make you wonder what the heck this book is about. Moreover, it’s also a recognition, an admission of the character I’m often guilty of playing. Hey, look at me, the lovable chubby guy…. If I call myself Fatty, maybe you won’t say it and thus, you won’t hurt me. So, I’ve been with Fatty for a long time. I guess it’s safe to say he’s my alter ego.

Frankly, I think the title of the book may turn some people away from giving it a shot, which is obviously unfortunate. Moreover, I have a hard time with my daughters knowing that word in another context other than a negative one. You see, in our house, we don’t use that word, “fat.” I’m very sensitive to people throwing around a word that is hurtful to many folks—including people in my own life.

In short, I have a certain amount of guilt/baggage about the title. I hope my girls, when they’re older, will understand what I was trying to do with the title. But, it was NEVER meant to bash, hurt, or embarrass heavy people. To the contrary. Heavy folks are my people. And, quite frankly, I feel very protective of people with weight issues.

While you don’t explicitly say this in the book, it’s implied that you sold a book proposal to write about your year of weight loss, which is why the Fatty Project became your job. Accountability is one of the pillars of weight loss, but did this additional pressure to lose weight help or hinder you? Both?

I think it both helped and hindered my year. I was well aware of the fact that this was a very white collar approach to this issue. Most folks can’t take a week, much less a year, to focus on their health. Throw in a personal trainer and nutritionist, and expensive health club etc, and you really run the risk of making my story un-relatable to the average bear out there working full time, trying to make ends meet.

Still, I went to great lengths to make sure folks knew that this book wasn’t a “how to” or a guide to weight loss etc. If anything, this book is a how-not-to. This is a memoir, my story, my year. It’s a candid, unfiltered look into the chaos of my relationship with food and myself. It doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

What I wanted people to relate to wasn’t my method of weight loss, but rather my story, my situation, my emotional mindset. I think that’s why folks are having such a strong reaction to the book. No one is saying that they want to achieve their weight loss goals in the same way I did. They’re laughing at how much of themselves they see in my story.

You write about how your weight was causing tension in your marriage, particularly because of the snoring and sleep apnea it was causing. I sometimes have readers who ask me how they can encourage a spouse to lose weight or at least get them to be supportive of their own weight loss attempts. Do you have any advice about that based on your own experiences?

Do your very best to marry my wife.

I’m lucky to have a patient, psychologically minded, compassionate loving, wife. However, I’ve often said that she’s in quite an unenviable situation. No one wants to police their partner about what they eat. It’s a very touchy thing, telling your husband or wife that they don’t need another serving of potatoes. Those kind of comments are often shaming, embarrassing, and cause for either party to find themselves being stabbed in the hand with a fork.

What finally got me going in the right direction was when my wife was able to show me that my eating was becoming a medical situation. It took her off the hook, so to speak. She wasn’t just nagging me. She was trying to save my life. Finally…with a certain amount of kicking and screaming, I let her help me help myself.

The weight-loss blogging world is predominantly female, much like the Weight Watchers meeting you attend at the end of the book. Do you have any advice for guys who are hesitant to join groups like Weight Watchers or to start weight-loss blogs?

In the few weeks since the book was released, I’ve heard from a few handfuls of men who were drawn to the book because they’d heard it was funny, or had it handed to them by their spouses who all but demanded that they read it. To my great surprise and pleasure, men have ended up walking away with a lot more than they’d bargained for. Men are saying that its both funny and relatable. But they’re also thanking me for giving voice to these issues from a male perspective. There’s a shocking lack of male voices in this arena when it comes to published books etc.

Yes, issues of weight loss and body-image have always been dominated by female writers, TV personalities. But, I think that’s been a disservice to men and women alike. I’ve been praised for giving a male voice to this issue, but there are several male weight loss bloggers who I’ve become aware of, that are writing interesting, thought provoking stuff about their own journeys in this space.

As far as men joining a group like Weight Watchers, all I can say is that it changed my world view about this entire issue. And, I couldn’t have been more wrong in my belief going in that Weight Watchers was a place for women. To the contrary. Men are not only welcome, but we also have a lot to learn about our own body image issues from those very same women with whom we believed we had so little in common.

By the end of your project, you’ve learned new things about yourself, like that you’re a food addict. Do you think you would have come to these realizations without having written the book? Or did writing serve as some sort of therapy, much like weight-loss blogging can be?

Incredible therapy! As you well know, writing, especially long form (books), is a very lonely enterprise. To say the least it’s a marathon and you literally need to train yourself to be able to do it. However, one of the benefits of spending all this time alone is having the luxury of being able to really think about this issue from all the angles. You’re literally being paid to think. And, despite all the things I’ve said about it being lonely and missing having colleagues etc., what a wonderful gift, to be able to look inward like that about something that’s so important to me. Was it therapy? Yes. Would I have come to these conclusions on my own? Perhaps in time. Although, looking at yourself and telling yourself the truth is not one of my strengths. I think I needed the time this book gave me to find my way to those deeper questions…much less the answers.

Ok, seriously, how did you lose weight over the holidays?

Can you believe that? Insane. For me, the holidays came at a time when all hell was breaking loose on this project. As you know from reading the book, I didn’t get out of the gates very well. Frankly, I’d fallen on my tushy a few times and, by the time the holidays came around, I was running out of mulligans. I’d run out of excuses and time. I simply had no choice.

Thanks again for your time, Ed! Good luck with all your book promotions!

My neurologist told me to lose weight and I thought, “So, it has come to this, has it?” The last time a doctor told me to lose weight, I weighed about 350 pounds and was preparing to have my gallbladder removed. To make the day even more perfect, the neurologist’s nurse had weighed me on one of those old scales with big metal counterweights that slide left to right. I thought the digital revolution had rid us of those scales and the drawn out torture of watching the nurse politely start at a lower number and then slide, slide, slide, slide you up to a much bigger number.

I know people have various reactions to a doctor telling them they’re fat, but my first thought was, “Yeah, of course I need to lose weight.” Let us not forget the pant-splitting incident in January precipitated by the 50-pounds of headache weight gain (which I actually had forgotten until I was searching the archives for something else and found that entry). And losing weight has been on my mind for at least two years, ever since the headache screwed up so many of my routines. I do find it bizarrely twisted that I gained so much weight because of the headache, and without it I would have no reason to be at a neurologist’s office nor on his ancient scale to begin with. My life is a real-world logic problem.

So, this August I have been making changes, which was another reason I decided to move to Chapel Hill. It is easier to be healthy here. People ride bikes, not just for fun, but to get places. There are walking trails. There are sidewalks. There are trees and creeks and butterflies flitting about all over the place. It is effing idyllic. I fully expect an animated deer to follow me to the grocery store any day now. And now that it’s not 100-freakin-degrees every afternoon, it’s quite lovely to walk around town.

I have been walking daily for almost two weeks now, and I swear to God I try to talk myself out of it every morning. After I roll out of bed and dispense cat food, I sit on the couch for about an hour watching TV and then sit at my laptop going through emails until I eventually put my head down on my desk. Why? Because my doctor also made me give up caffeine and I do not know how human beings remained conscious before noon without it. Actually, I do know—by walking. Going for a 40-minute walk is the only thing that wakes me up now that I can’t suck down coffee. Last Friday I was going to give myself a day off for recovery, but eventually pushed myself out the door because I knew I’d flop on my bed and go back to sleep if I didn’t. And since I haven’t mastered the art of doing work in my sleep, consciousness is required for my continuing financial solvency.

Along with the caffeine killing, my doctor has made me give up artificial sweeteners and preservatives. My neurologist is a whole lot of fun, isn’t he? At my next appointment I suspect he’ll ban dancing and I’ll have to form a secret underground dance club for migraineurs. The diet changes mean I have to eat real food, which means I’ve had to start cooking again. I’ve also had to use real sugar or real honey as sweeteners, which I’ll admit FREAKED ME OUT. I have a sweet tooth, and I was concerned about how I was going to make my food palatable without drizzling it in 50 billion calories. However, as much as I hate to admit this, and I really do hate to admit it because I don’t want it to be true, I think my cravings have decreased now that I’m eating more real food and less Lean Cuisines and Diet Dr. Pepper. (I still love you, Dr. P! Come back to me!) So Goddamn this diet for being good for me. I hate you healthy eating!!

Reflecting on the past month and comparing it to my big weight loss between 2005-2007, I notice one big difference. I am much more resentful about healthy living than I was five years ago. The first time was a happy, fun adventure of self-discovery and change. This time, it’s been a drag-me-by-my-pony-tail-down the trail, begrudging return to healthy habits. I’ve haven’t been doing it because I particularly want to, but because I know I NEED to. And I do know it’s good for me, and I honestly do feel better because of these changes, but Dear Lord I miss my coffee and my sodas and sitting on the couch all day. I suppose this is how people who give up smoking must feel. They know it’s for the best, but they’d still kill a hobo for one last cigarette.

All of which reminds me of the time I saw the film Prince Caspian a while back, and the lion Aslan is talking with Lucy, and according to the Internet she says “Aslan, why didn’t you come roaring in and save us like last time?” and he say “Things never happen the same way twice, dear one.” And when I watched that I paused for a moment and thought, Damn, that stupid fucking lion, but he’s right. Things don’t happen the same way twice. The way I lose weight today is not the same way I lost weight five years ago. I can’t just repeat the things I did before. I’m a different person now, who got a headache, traveled to Europe, and moved to another state. What worked for 25-year-old Jennette is not necessarily what will work for 58-days-until-she’s-30-years-old Jennette. I don’t feel the same way about it all as I did then.

That is the challenge of it all. What works now won’t work forever. You have to keep changing and adapting, because life keeps changing whether you like it or not. So I will take my morning walks and cook food on a stove instead of in the microwave. I don’t like it in the same way that I did five years ago, but I’m starting not to loathe it with the intensity of my back gas burner. I might even start to like it again. Who knows? And if I see that damn talking lion on one of my walks, I’ll tell him thanks.

I currently weigh 330 pounds and my back and knees hurt almost all the time. I want more that anything to exercise and eat healthier…My husband is also a big man and I can not seem to get him interested in eating better or exercise. It seems harder without his support and I don’t know what to do… It seems like every time I bring it up he responds with “if you force this it will not work.”

I’m not married myself, so any advice I could give is speculative at best. But I figure I must have readers out there who are experts at manipulating their spouses. So, how can Susie Spouse get her husband on board with her healthier lifestyle? I know it’s a whole lot easier to make changes when you’ve got the support of the people who live with you.

Disclosure: I was given free access to the Workout Box training programs and was compensated for this review.

When I joined the YMCA a few years ago, the shiny workout machines scared me, the guys lifting weights intimidated me, and I still have no idea how to work a rowing machine. I ended up on the elliptical or the treadmill most nights, going nowhere literally and not making as much progress as I could have with a better training program.

Sometimes you just want a professional to tell you what to do. There are several ways you can get a training program together, either by hiring a certified trainer, buying a book, reading expert bloggers’ sites, or purchasing a plan from a web-based service like WorkoutBOX. I was asked to review the latter and decided to take them up on the opportunity. I’ve been craving a bit of variety in my program, but I don’t really want to hire a trainer, nor do I feel like I have the expertise to figure out a plan on my own.

Several aspects of the WorkoutBOX site are free, such as their forums, blog, exercise demonstrations, and training logs, though you do have to create a free registered account to access them. If you browse around for a bit, you’ll get a pop-up that advertises the meat of the site, the WorkoutBOX Training Programs. They currently offer six programs that fall into two categories: losing weight and gaining muscle. Within those two categories there are three programs, a beginner, intermediate, and advanced plan. Each plan takes six months to complete and is broken into four-week periods as illustrated in this graphic.

A video on the Getting Started page explained the difference between a workout and a training program. A workout is a collection of exercises for a single day’s work. A training program is a collection of workouts that changes frequently. This variety prevents your body from getting used to any single exercise, which helps you avoids plateaus and ends with better results. All the programs are developed by Travis Steffen. The team page states that he is a personal trainer and mixed martial artist who is completing a Masters in Exercise Science (pending spring 2010).

Once you purchase a program, you can log into the site and access all the information for every week of that program. You can click on tabs to view each day’s routine and you can click on links to display inline videos from the site PhysicalFitnet which demonstrate each exercise. There is also a print-friendly option so you can print out the program to bring to the gym. Please note, these programs are created for use with gym equipment, so it’s not something you can do solely in your living room.

Obviously, I wasn’t able to do all three-years worth of programs in the past week. Also, I’m not a certified trainer myself, so I can’t give any expert opinion on that angle of the plans. I did look through the programs though, and from my amateur perspective here are the good and the not-so-good things I saw:

The Good

• The videos are filmed on a solid background, making it easy to see the proper form the models are using.
• The three levels of expertise let you start with a program you’re comfortable with, instead of throwing you into the deep end of the pool. (That’s figuratively, not literally. There are no actual pool exercises :) ) For example, the beginner’s program starts you out on weight machines before moving to free weights, which are more effective but require better technique.
• Each four-week period starts with a summary of what goals you’ll be striving for this week and what changes to expect in your body. This lets you know why you’re doing what you’re doing instead of expecting you to mindlessly follow a program. Each exercise is also tagged with the area of your body you are targeting with that movement.
• There appears to be a genuine emphasis on becoming fit, not just thinner.
• The routines add reps, increase weight, and up your cardio through the weeks, keeping you challenged. The variety also helps fight boredom, which I have found to be one of the biggest enemies of weight loss and weight maintenance.
• They mandate rest periods and the occasional rest week to give your body time to rebuild after you’ve broken it down.
• They provide definitions of terms like set, reps, supersets etc. for newbies
• If you’re too intimidated to hire a trainer or can’t afford one, this is a cheaper alternative that will probably freak you out less.
• When I browsed through the forums, it appeared that everyone’s questions were answered by a WorkoutBOX team member. It looks like they have good support if you run into troubles.
• If you’re unsatisfied with the program, they offer a full refund.
• Once you buy the program, you get to keep it forever.

The Not-So-Good

• Although the programs are divided into two categories called “weight loss” and “muscle gain,” this seems to be code for “girls” and “boys.” The images on the weight loss pages are mostly of fit, slender women like her:
  
  and, granted, a few buff guys like him. (Can I lick him? Please?)
  

  Whereas the “muscle gain” section only had photos of ripped guys. I wish the muscle building programs were more female-friendly. Even the text says the muscle building routines will help you develop a “bigger and more defined physique,” but I don’t know too many ladies who want to get bigger. They do want a defined physique though. We can have one without too much of the other, right?

• The use of words like “toned” and phrases like “burn fat” annoy me. The word “toned” stirs up much controversy among female weight lifters and is really a whole entry unto itself, so I won’t get into that. But if anyone actually burned my fat, I’d run screaming to the closest emergency room with a burn unit. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if these words are proven effective in marketing, so I can’t ding them to harshly for it.
• The videos typically display an exercise from only one angle. It would be great if you could see at least two angles to make sure you’re using correct form. Since you presumably won’t have a trainer with you, this can be important so you don’t injure yourself.
• The programs are really, really light on nutritional information. I hope in the future they develop more content in that area. Eating the proper foods before and after a workout can greatly increase your results.

Each program is pitched as costing $1.50 a week, which really means you pay $38.95 for the program upfront and then use it for 26 weeks. That appears to be a decent price when you compare it to other programs available from trainers online. (Craig Ballantyne’s Turbulance Training program that I’ve seen mentioned on Skwigg’s site costs $77.00.) It sounds like they’re working on adding more programs in the future too. An iPhone app is also in the pipeline which you’d be able to use on your phone at the gym.

If you’re interested, you can sign up at WorkoutBOX. Let us know how it goes!