9:30am – Sleep in because I can. Eventually get up. Pour the cat food and the coffee. Try not to consume the wrong one.

10:00am – Call the water, gas and electric companies to get utilities set up in my name.

11:15am – Drive to grocery store next to post office to scope out PO Boxes. Enter the Food Lion and go to the customer service counter to get my MVP card so I can get deals and they can overanalyze my oatmeal purchasing habits.

11:25am – Buy another bottle of wasp killer, just in case. You can never have too much wasp killer. DIE WASPS, DIE!!

11:45am – Return home. Home! This is my home now! How cool!

12:40pm – Leave for Big Bro’s house. On the drive over, I realize I will have to reset all my radio presets. Such a pain.

1:00pm – Arrive at Big Bro’s house and sign up for cable internet installation using his secure internet. They can’t come out until next Saturday. SATURDAY!! Eight days from now!! How dare they take a long weekend off to celebrate this nation’s independence! That’s sooo un-American.

2:30pm – Baby Bro and I get in Saturn so we can pick up the Budget truck and return it. I am fussy worrying about getting there before the 4:30pm closing time, reminiscent of my mother’s tendency to worry about similar things.

“So, how does it feel to be turning into Mom?” Baby Bro asks.

“I dunno. How does it feel to be turning into Dad?” I reply. I may be exhausted, but I’m still witty!

3:00pm – Arrive at apartment. Try to enter address of rental return place into GPS. Cannot figure out how to enter “HIGHWAY 15 501 S” into GPS. Try everything. In act of total desperation, I do the unthinkable. I call to ASK FOR DIRECTIONS. Crazy! How 1990′s of me.

3:30pm – Drop off truck at the world’s most stupidly designed gas station/Budget rental return. Almost collide with another Budget truck and a silver Honda Civic in less than 5 minutes.

4:00pm – Eat late lunch/early dinner at Jimmy Johns. Thank Baby Bro effusively for all his slave labor this week. This $6.00 sandwich is on me!

5:00pm – Return to Big Bro’s house. Hang out.

6:00pm – Big Bro returns from work and makes brief appearance before changing into black track suit and leaving for fencing lessons. Yes, fencing lessons.

6:30pm – Awesome sister-in-law grills chicken sausages, stuffed hamburgers, and tilapia for us.

8:00pm – Leave for my apartment. My apartment! How cool!

8:30pm – Come back home. No kitties in site. Must still be hiding behind boxes, terrified by change.

8:31pm – BEEP!

8:32pm – BEEP!

8:33pm – BEEP!

8:34pm – Consider breaking window of downstairs apartment and ripping smoke detector out of the wall. Call maintenance and leave a message instead.

8:40pm – Think about taking a shower, but I don’t know where my towel is. Douglas Adams would be so disappointed in me.

8:41pm – Put on headphones and watch videos on my laptop.

11:50pm – Go to bed, happy that everything went smoothly and we managed to overcome all unexpected obstacles with a cell phone call or lethal pesticides. There will be boxes to unpack and I still need to buy a bed, couch and a desk, but I am here. My life is NOW!

11:55pm – Sleep. Sweet, sweet, sleep.